Oh goody,the new Xmas Survey from Grandparents.com (?) has arrived in the Email: “Santa’s sleigh is going to be a lot lighter this year, according to a new survey by Grandparents.com. Forty-three percent of parents and grandparents surveyed will buy fewer gifts than they have in the past, and a whopping 90 percent plan to confine their shopping to discount stores like Wal-Mart, Kmart, and Target.” Avoid the crowds, shop only at Macy’s and the Apple Store!
Nobody’s Getting Anything Good For Xmas
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Shit, Ken, this is just rubbing it in. (Pray continue.)
Next year at Christmas, “grandparents.com” will announce that seniors get 1/2 off of trips into the robot meat machines, courtesy of the Obama admin.!
Hey, kids — when you look back on it years from now, this’ll be an important moment in your lives — when you got no presents and instead learned the real meaning of Christmas: giving Saul of Tarsus an excuse to talk about circumcision for an entire book of the Bible.
Damn right. Count me in that 43%.
Maybe my kids and grandkids can give ME something this year. Bah humbug!!!
All i want 4 Xmas is 2 stop farting. Well, so much. But i just checked and Visa rates that gift Priceless.
There’s a munny in my future.
Nope, this year, everyone’s getting a laser-sighted Caulk Gun with pump-o-matic action.
I better get my god damn $5 Grandma.
…….do you, Wonkette, write “Xmas” to be ironic and all, or because you know that “X” really is all religious; is the original Greek or somethi……wait, sorry.
All I want for the holidays is for fucking Joe Lieberman to crawl into a hole and die but he’s Jewish so if it takes eight days that’s OK.
We appreciate any xmas granpa wears pants around the house, doesn’t freak out about “WWII”
and the dog isn’t chewing on his dentures.
I’m not getting any gifts for my kids or grandkids, either; because I know how to use a certain rubber device and never got stuck with the brats. Ha ha to all of you with spawn this time of year!
Sonny, I ain’ got no present fer ya, but ya kin tek a scoop o’ these here Hobo Beans®.
So it’ll be a blue Christmas for the athiest Chinese communists who make our presents as well?
Heh. Everybody in my family is just as rich (or richer) than they have ever been; even my weird, black-sheep, older sister has been steadily employed for about 4 years running.
So we’re gonna be just as laden down as ever with cheap worthless plastic crap, ugly clothes we’ll never even consider wearing, and soul-leaching electronic devices. God Bless Us, Everyone!
This year, everyone’s getting a sweater. Although it’s not like Glenn Beck’s “Christmas Sweater”, with lots of kitschy embroidered trees on it. It’s more like the frayed sweater that was in the rag bin and uncle Joe used to wipe the dog shit off of his shoes. Merry recession X-mas, everyone!
[re=474254]JMP[/re]: I’m with you! HAHA you stupid breaders!
You jest, Ken, but I would TOTALLY buy WARBLOG Bonds. The thought of you guys being forever in my debt makes me smile.
Their section on Celebrity Grandparents is pretty fucking Fantastic!
And for you, Olivia, here’s a $10 war bond, so you’ll have the satisfaction of helping to bomb the muslins, who tried to nail baby jesus to a manger, though he escaped to Egypt, till that muslin pharaoh chased him out of there, but jesus drowned them in the sea of Galilee on his way out, and then he did some other stuff that showed them…and that is the reason for the season. So, get me my Bailey’s already, you little twerp.
Well I don’t know about anyone else but as my kids grew up I bought them fewer gifts because the stuff they wanted was more expensive.
[re=474254]JMP[/re]: You mean a flyswatter?
I can haz Jazzy?
[re=474254]JMP[/re]: Do you mean an Obama dildo or an I.O.U.?
Yeah, times are tough. We broke the news to the kids today:
“Remember when we were talking about how much your school supplies cost?”
“Yeah…”
“Merry Christmas.”
As long as my nieces are happy with fifths of vodka, I don’t see a problem.
[re=474275]lochnessmonster[/re]: You mean stuff like college?
This is the one time of the year when I don’t regret the daughter who married into the original War on Xmas crowd, the Jehovah’s Witnesses. For them, I can just wait and buy shit on sale after Xmas, when all the good stuff is gone. $50.00 stuffed into cards for a couple and for the little one, an absolutely horrifying thing she saw on teevee watching Spongebob: Moxie Girl. I could barely stand to look at it long enough to get it to the counter at Walmart and pay for it. Made me nostalgic for the good old days when I was buying the youngest daughter the GI action figure on her Xmas list. Who knew she’d grow up and be a lesbian?
The best idea for grandparents is to raise children who are carefully taught that only mindless Papists and idiot Mormons have more than one child. (As I did–the first three came with the husband. Still rethinking that one).
[re=474309]Sussemilch[/re]: A very, very good one. Our family members who said, “Really. You don’t need to get me anything” are going to be very regretful they spoke those words.
Ho, ho, ho!
Journey through the Creation Museum – DVD
http://www.answersingenesis.org/PublicStore/product/Journey-through-the-Creation-Museum-DVD,6127,408.aspx
[re=474264]pondscum[/re]: Why must you hate on those with a predilection for batter?
I am going to ask Santa Claus for more gifts this year to make up for those cheap relatives who buy food instead of gifts. Also I think I’ll knock out a couple of some stranger’s teeth and put them under my pillow to get a few extra bucks from the tooth fairy.
The venerable Charlie Brown Christmas special aired this evening, with Lucy complaining that all she ever got for gifts were lots of toys, clothing, bicycles and such, thing she didn’t want.
Charlie Brown: What would you like to get for Christmas?
Lucy: Real estate.
[re=474264]pondscum[/re]: Breaders? What’s that?
Although we are rich hobos we decided we are only buying purse size life hammers until the recession is over.We taught the kids three card monte they buy their own presents. One of them can sell you some warblog bonds though. Please contact me if you are interested.
Boiled peanuts! Or maybe that’s soiled peanuts. Whatever. Better than goddamn hobobeans.
Kids got new skis. Needed them badly. A puppy! A Lava lamp (she’s 7, worry?) And a humongous Lego set from granparents. For kids 16+. She’s 10. Who plays legos at 16?
“A baby’s arm holding an apple.“
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