- Chinese dissident writer/professor Liu Xiaobo got an 11-year prison sentence for his part in a pro-reform work, Charter ’08. So this is one of the trade-offs for living in (and being from) the world’s main country. [BBC News]
- Do you want to read a modern-yet-inspirational version of the Nativity tale? Do not read this news article: [LA Times]
- The Obamas arrived in Hawaii for their traditional “Let’s go to Hawaii and get the hell away from freezing-ass Washington” presidential vacation. Barack’s first words upon landing were “Mele Kalikimaka,” which is not a Muslim martyrdom prayer but instead is Hawaii’s way to say Merry Christmas, a very Merry Christmas, a very very Merry Merry Christmas, to you. [Honolulu Star-Bulletin]
- If you’re in, or trying to get to, Nebraska, Iowa, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Kansas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Virginia, New York or pretty much anywhere from the Midwest to the Atlantic, just relax and enjoy the White Christmas or awful flood or whatever, because baby it’s fucked out there. [Weather.com/NYT]
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Authors
Kaia Mursi (45)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (800)
Jim Newell (5431)
Wonkette Jr. (628)
Liz Colville (96)
Blair Burke (171)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Ken Layne (6696)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 62 comments }
“I could have been someone
Well, so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me, babe,
I put them with my own
Can’t make it all alone
I’ve built my dreams around you…”
Merry Christmas, Wonketts.
Sign up here to get on Todd Palin’s hit list.
Posting on Christmas! Thanks for offering something amusing on this internet desert of a morning. And thanks for hating America enough to do so.
MERRY JEEBUS DAY!!! Hope you got good stuff even though we have a Muslin preznit hiding out in Socialist Hawaii.
[re=485066]loquaciousmusic[/re]: On this side of the pond this Christmas, the rosy-cheeked children are swaying to the festive strains of “Killing In the Name” by RATM. So cute to hear the little ‘uns sing merrily along!
Happy Christmas everyone!
When the rapture comes,
the liberals and progressives will be left behind,
so shouldn’t we be running the kool-aid stands?
When the rapture comes who will take care of the pets that are left behind? For a moment I thought I had the germ of a luctrative new business. Sadly: http://www.postrapturepetcare.com/
@111Etc: it’s “lucrative”
I want to wish everyone a huge Mele Kalikimakawhateverthefuck…in bed.
[re=485076]x111e7thst[/re]: Merry Christmas…spammer…
Happy birthday Jeebus.
If and when you show up here, can you take the wingnuts with you next time?
[re=485075]x111e7thst[/re]: The best part of the website is the photo of Barney at the bottom — AS IF Dubya’s gonna be swept up during the rapture and all!
Twas the morning of Christmas
When Ken abandoned repose
With a staggering hangover
and the liquor stores closed
So with eyes dripping blood
from the gallons of ‘nog
he’d consumed on the eve
he struggled to blog.
A chinese in slammer!
The ‘O’s in paradise!
The heartland is drowning!
Well, isn’t that nice?
While we in our hovels
on our crank powered Macs
burned junk mail for heat
Trying to think of come-backs
So I’ll just admit it.
I’ve got nothing to say
Accept Merry Christmas to all
Happy Jesus B’day.
Air Head One announced today that Sarah Palin can no longer be held responsible for her lies since she has asked that her speeches not be reported.
Remember the 1950′s, when white people just loved anything that came from Hawaii? What happened?
“There was a young elf down from Keith
who circumcised men with his teeth.
It wasn’t the skin
he was interested in,
but the layer of cheese underneath.”
Merry Christmas, fellow Bolsheviks! Merry Christmas & God Bless!!!
Stay away from those Tikki dolls Mr. President.
[re=485083]greywindz[/re]: get a clue and leave me alone.
The vote was 60 – 39.
So James inholfe IS dead!
See? Prayer works!
Let’s start praying to make John Boehner’s tan turn pink.
Oh, I see – god’s on our side again.
If you pray against a democrat,
a republican disappears.
[re=485087]dijetlo[/re]: What dijetlo said
Yay! Merry holidays, Wonkette!
It’s my first White Christmas evaaarrr
And some crazy bitch tackled the Pope.
[re=485092]ivenson[/re]: Sarah Palin visited Hawaii, for us whites, and realized that it’s full of savages. So now we hate it.
Thanks, Ken, for keeping us company on Christmas — Happy Holidays y’all!
Is this the episode where the family goes to Hawaii and Malia finds the tiki idol and all kinds of shit happens?
[re=485095]facehead[/re]: Dammit, you beat me to it!
[re=485107]DiscoUkulele[/re]: I heard they have Hawaiians living there. Is it true?
Happy Xmas from Ms. Chuckie Jesus and her meatfamily… all two of us!
[re=485113]hoosiermama[/re]: Except Vincent Price is dead, so it won’t be the same.
Digitally Remastered Yule Log = awesome.
[re=485114]Diana Davies[/re]: Have a Haole Jolly Christmas
Happy Birthday, Jeebus. Sorry about the whole fucking bunch of retards who claim they follow your lead. Man, if they only knew you’re actually a laid-back hippie who would probably be doing lots of weed today and hanging out with the poor people they despise so much at one of those quiet coffee shops you find along South Lamar Boulevard here in Austin, they would have you deported to Mexico. But, then again, it ain’t your fault. I know you have no way to fend off the obsessed losers who claim to be your pals while stuffing themselves unconscious with bleached flour, hormone-laden meat and high-fructose corn syrup in front of their 2,000-inch led-plasma-lcd-lsd teevee out there in the burbs.
So, since you’re too much of a nice guy to say it, I’ll say it for you: Yo!, you Christian conservative Republicans… yeah, you: leave the guy alone; fuck off.
Merry Christmas to all of you out there in teh internets.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa only had 3 hos.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS WONKETTE!
12/25/09: NEVAR REGIFT!!1
[re=485074]Up To Here Again[/re]: I like the part about we get all their stuff that they leave behind. My Neighbor’s Wife would be a good start.
Regarding the weather:
Some churches canceled Christmas Eve services, while others saw sharply lower attendance.
“I don’t think God wants anyone to get killed or break a hip or break a knee or something,” said the Rev. Joseph Mirowski of the Greek Orthodox Church of the Transfiguration in Mason City, Iowa.
[re=485066]loquaciousmusic[/re]: You’re an old slut on junk. Also.
Here’s my favorite Christmas song ever: http://www.hulu.com/watch/1373/saturday-night-live-christmas-for-the-jews-song
Merry X-Mas, neo-Mithraites, and happy day off for the rest.
Wow!
“Prosperity Gospel” offers cut-throat Jesus for the modern entrepreneur!
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/12/25/RichJesus/index.html
“I didn’t know that!”
“Yeah, sure. Jesus used to shove the poor and sick aside and go dine in the palace.”
Wow.
American service personnel dying in 2 1/2 wars.
American service personnel killing non-combatants in 2 1/2 wars.
The American economy continues in melt-down mode.
Congress and the current Administration is in the process of giving away what is left of the economy to the health insurance industry.
Barack “Jimmy Carter” Obama continues to back away from every promise on which he campaigned, e.g., single payer health care, closing Gitmo, no more Vietnams In The Desert.
And despite all this, the “Big Issue” for Wonketteers, according to the “premium ad,” is Protecting The Right To Engage In Buttsex In Our Nation’s Capital.
Merry Christmas To All, And To All A GOOD NIGHT.
[re=485142]Barrelhse[/re]: “we get all their stuff that they leave behind” You’re not supposed to covet thy neighbor’s wife, according to the Ten Suggestions. But there’s no prohibition with waiting patiently while casting thy seed to the wayside. That little speck of lust in your heart is a borderline problem, and should be monitored.
Yer welcome. Just filling in while Oral Roberts is indisposed. He was supposed to be back in three days.
[re=485087]dijetlo[/re]: First poem worth reading on “our” wonkette. Ken’s news roundup complements our most unusual Xmas yet. With floors down to the concrete on the giant family room (awaiting the wood to go on top) we left four large bins of Xmas shit packed away and decided, Fuck it. If we’re going to have a minimalist Xmas, let’s do it. Didn’t go get a fresh tree from the farm, just a $10.00 green pvc one from Big Lots. Four feet my ass, I thought, until we turned up the top branch and saw that one foot is the weird looking solo branch that sticks straight up from the top.
Still, it isn’t the Martha Stewart Xmas flourishes that makes Xmas special. It’s eating goose and brussels sprouts with chestnuts and trifle with the ones you love While The Chairman of the Board croons “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” in the background.
Fuck that, too, because everyone’s snowed in. But we’ve got one daughter home, are saving the goose in hopes the others can make it tomorrow, and just threw a slab of BBQ ribs from the last Rodeo Committee fundraiser in the oven, so it’s all good.
Except we couldn’t get out to the grocery yesterday and we really, really need kitty litter.
I would be sad, except when I read Ken and think of our own, personal holiday as a frontal attack in the war on Xmas.
My sympathy to anyone stuck in an airport and Merry Christmas and thanks for the laughs, Ken.
[re=485147]chascates[/re]: Doncha know it’s only the librul Christians like Orthodox, Catholics and Anglicans who still go to church on Christmas. The Real Christains, homo-hatin, God-fearin, Obama-hatin, gun-totin, prayin-for-dollars Christians, stopped doing that when they took the crosses out of their churches and replaced them with giant Murkin flags. For them, Christmas is properly observed by smacking a clerk at Walmart when they don’t say “Merry Christmas.”
And a fröhliche Wonknachten to all you socialist Obama lovers!
[re=485154]Up To Here Again[/re]: Prosperity gospel preachers should have their taxes closely examined and shit tons of lawsuits brought against them for everything possible until they’re dirt poor in a homeless shelter and know how it fucking feels. The end.
[re=485098]Up To Here Again[/re]: This being the Lord’s birthday and all, that’s a cruel jest for those of us who got excited for a brief moment then realized, fuck. It’s a joke. And our joke of a senator is still alive. Sometimes I try to decide who is stupider and more evil, Inhofe or Spooky Doktor Tom. But before I work it out, the thoughts make me suicidal and I have to think happy thoughts. Or read “my” wonkette.
[re=485124]DC Hates Me[/re]: If I were a tween girl, I would put that thing that means rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. But I couldn’t remember it, so it’s the thought that counts.
Thanks for brightening up my days, Wonketteers!
Thanks Ken, Jim, Sara, Riley (you old guano faucet), Juli, and Co.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, bitches!!!!
I figured his first words upon landing were, “This seems like I nice place; too bad I wasn’t born here.”
Why would the police have a problem with the girl who left her newborn in the dumpster to die? After all, she didn’t get an abortion. We all know once a kid is born no one bears any further responsibility, since a soul is already saved for Christ.
[re=485167]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Now you know you should have kitty litter in the vehicles to get you out of snow drifts!
Okay, so my Cranberry Business is in the oven. I anticipate it will look just like an abortion when complete. Thanks, Wonkette, and enjoy the holidays!
[re=485160]Neilist[/re]: Pas devant les jeunes soldats. Stiffen that lower lip and stop letting down the side.
[re=485160]Neilist[/re]: Barry didn’t campaign on single payer health care. He campaigned FOR more war in Iraq.
[re=485087]dijetlo[/re]: And a merry jeebus-day to you, sir!
/tips hat
[re=485087]dijetlo[/re]: What’s a Jesus bidet, and why is it happy?
[re=485147]chascates[/re]: “I don’t think God wants anyone to get killed or break a hip or break a knee or something,”
Except for Robert Byrd. God has it in for that old coot.
Merry Christmas to all the Wonketteers! Here’s hoping the new year brings a lot less for us to snark about.
Chinese dissident? A pre Bush concern for the uppity citizens of foreign peer competitors. One thing that was lost during the Bush years, the right to moral outrage.
Nice POUGES reference, also.
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damn you, Wonkette…I know you told me not to read it, but I did it anyway…
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