Look these teabaggers are just like actual Republicans, what with drawing up contracts and the young black (or navy blue) people dancing, for hipness and hopness! Here we have the “Contract From America,” which appears to be precisely what it sounds like, with exactly as many opportunities for reader-participation as you were hoping.
Their demands are such:
We believe that the result of this grassroots-generated marketplace of ideas will be a document that not only represents the will of the American people, but promotes unique ideas that will breathe new life into the economic conservative movement. We will have a Contract From America for which we are all responsible and in which we feel a sense of ownership. And politicians will have a stark choice: accept and therefore be held accountable to the terms of the Contract From America, or face loss of their seat in 2010.
So then you, the teabagging person who has somehow managed to get this far on a computer without trying to fax it, is directed to “Phase III: Final Elimination.” It is simply a survey in which nothing is necessarily being eliminated.
Please rate each idea on a scale from 1 star (Bad idea) to 10 stars (Great idea).
REMEMBER, THE GOAL IS TO HELP US NARROW DOWN THIS LIST. IF YOU GIVE EVERY ISSUE 10 STARS, WE WILL HAVE TROUBLE DETERMINING WHICH ISSUES RESONATE THE MOST WITH YOU.
Also, the name “Contract From America” was fine for Phases of Elimination I, II, and III but for IV—or “IIII” as it absolutely will initially be called—the top teabags would like something a bit jazzier.
Winner gets America*.
*Does not include iPod.
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{ 76 comments }
There’d better be a provision for TruckNutz in this Contract or I’m going to go all hillbilly on somebody’s ass.
“Guarantee void in Tenn-es-see.”
“Contract from America” sounds like shrinkage to me.
When they say “What up?”, the answer is, “Obama, dangling from a tree.”
More Teabuggerage.
“From?” The English, they’re doing it wrong.
I see a definite opportunity for mischief on their interwebz.
When I was in teh 5th grade, they made me memorize every single fucking preposition, back in the day this was the custom, and if you didn’t memorize them, they would whack you on the head with the blunt side of a Burgundian halberd. So anyway, to this day, I can lay them all out there, which is a cause of amazement and fear at parties and social events when I rattle them off as if they were all one very long word: “aboutaboveacrossafteragainstalongamongaroundbutbyconcerningdownduringexcept for from. . . and so on.
I think pretty much any one of these words, chosen at random, would be better than “from.” “Across,” for example, a contract across America, sure, this phrase also is technically meaningless gibberish, but so is most everything the teabaggers say, and “across” just sounds better, doesn’t it? Some gibberish is better than other gibberish.
“We will have a Contract From America for which we are all responsible and in which we feel a sense of ownership.”
This smells like public ownership to me! Don’t tax me, bro!
Good Lord, this “survey” is just Grover Norquist reThuglican initiatives wearing teabag camouflage.
Here they are, translated:
· “privatize social security” option
· “anti-net-neutrality” option
· “disenfranchise minority voters” option (a cousin of the poll tax)
· “let’s reverse the Dred Scott Decision” option
· “hide the lobbyists better” option
· “limit the power of the executive” option (now that a black guy is in office)
· “let traditional reThuglican campaign donors keep more money” option
· “let the sons and daughters of traditional reThuglican campaign donors keep more money” option
Evil rat bastards are evil. They should eat a bag of their own llightly salted poison dicks, with Tabasco sauce.
The new Contract From Americuh will include:
Sanjaya
Hank the Angry Dwarf
Crackhead Bob
Navi
Ask not what you can get from America, kiddies.
[re=496672]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Closet Stern fan. Don’t hide in shame, be strong, be proud, times will change.
[re=496660]Hedley Lamar[/re]: Shrinking away at that, and if you’re contracting from America, you’re moving toward somewhere else, France probably.
Why do the teabaggers hate freedom?
‘Contract on America’ is more like it. It sounds like Newt setting up another hit on democracy.
Hmm, all I get is a “thank you for taking this survey” screen, even though I didn’t. Did they somehow know I was a libtard going to screw with them?
“We believe that the result of this grassroots-generated marketplace of ideas will be a document that not only represents the will of the American people, but promotes unique ideas that will breathe new life into the economic conservative movement”
Let’s count the lives:
1. They’re not grassroots, but a creation of Dick Armey and Fox News.
2. They have no ideas.
3. They do not represent the will of the American people, just a small insane minority.
4. Once again, no ideas.
5. Everything they promote is the same old, tired thing.
6. Labeling their movement as “economic” only, forgetting “virulently racist”.
If they can’t get an iPod, can the winner get an “iPhone”?
[re=496669]Prommie[/re]: Sounds like a lay Catholic school since you were only beaten with a blunt object and not sent to the Father’s office for corrective measures.
My fantasy headline:
“Obama Puts his Foot Down , Sends All Insurgent Teabaggers to Guantanamo Bay”
Difficult to reconcile the notion of no government with that of “Urine or you’re out”. Like many before them, they want it both ways. Good luck.
[re=496669]Prommie[/re]: I like “Contract ON America”. And I told them so.
Honestly, their anti-lobbyist platform is a step towards sanity. But that’s all they got.
[re=496680]JMP[/re]: The actual survey is at: http://pro20.sgizmo.com/survey.php?SURVEY=6E6ECK2S93A1UZAFSKY3RRP5MMS4E3-220342-60807136&pswsgt=1263837639&sg_g=9f7364613a6acad990d6686ad09f30b8&_csg=34YimA8pRYdfo¬ice=DO-NOT-DISTRIBUTE-THIS-LINK
They should call it Larry. Everybody likes Larry.
I think they need to be more direct with their name. This fine lady has the right idea.
http://www.portlandmercury.com/images/blogimages/2009/12/18/1261157470-protestors-now-teabagging-for-jesus-4375-1261070306-124.jpg
Thank you for my Tuesday morning fun.
I think I contracted something from America. It burns when I pee. Damn this naturally wide stance, not the first time it’s gotten me into trouble.
A contract technically requires at least two parties engaging in reciprocal tenders of consideration. This is a list of demands along with an extortive promise of potentially violent retribution for those who fail to obey. That pesky right of petitioning probably protects them, but otherwise I’d say arrest em all for sedition and/or terrorism.
Oh no, you’re reading it wrong. Its not CON-tract from America (an agreement from America); its Con-TRACT from America (withdraw from America)
“Contract From America” is a well known phrase in Negro Dialect. Get used to it.
Or you can click thru on the “www.spiritof94.org” link they have at http://www.contractfromamerica.com/Idea.aspx for a nice fresh form every time.
[re=496686]the problem child[/re]: Still getting the same old thing, dammit. The survey doen’t like me.
[re=496693]Berkeley Bear[/re]: The thing is, the original Contract With America wasn’t really a contract, either; it was a unilateral promise, without consideration and therefore unenforceable. That’s why, when Newt et al. failed to live up to their terms of the “contract” there was nothing America could do to get compensation for the breach.
This one, however, sounds more like a threat.
“Governments have only one purpose/roll; To protect our freedoms!” What is this, a dungeons and dragons rule book? One roll…to protect our freedoms! For the troops. also.
[re=496699]the problem child[/re]: Hmm, they allow for user-submitted ideas. I think some folks who are not afraid to register and get stuck with teabagger spam should know what to do…
[re=496702]JMP[/re]: Enough with the 1-L jargon puking. Yeah yeah yeah, “the parties hereto, intending to be bound hereby, in consideration of the mutual promises and covenants herein contained to be performed by each party for the benefit of the other, and for other good and sufficient consideration, the receipt and sufficiency of which is hereby acknowledged by each party hereto to the other, hereby covenant and agree as follows.” Big whup.
[re=496708]JMP[/re]: No need to register. In fact, no need to do the “survey” at all if you just want to submit an alternative name. It just takes your suggestion and thanks you.
[re=496699]the problem child[/re]: Thank you, the other links weren’t working for me.
Hopefully they’ll give my suggestion of “Civil Union With America” due consideration
Where do conservatives get off calling for “unique ideas” or “new life”? Sounds vaguely socialist…
Since the original “Contract w/ America” was so gosh darn successful, how about Contract With America II: Electric Boogaloo ?
bahahahaha. that survey was fun. Do I think citizens should be required to start showing ID – like a license or voter registration card – in order to vote? Uhhh….
I think they mean they contracted a social disease from America. Oh wait, no, these are teabaggers who a) are sexually unappealing in all ways and 2) ARE a social disease and thus cannot contract one.
[re=496708]JMP[/re]: You don’t have to confirm your e-mail address – so just make one up. I used jeebuslovesme@yahoo.com.
And for the suggestions box under the question about government regulation of the internet, put that you don’t need no government regulating your porn.
I thought they should change their name to American Ideas for Democratic Strategies. We really need to spread AIDS everywhere.
I will only sign the contract if it includes the line “No more Sex and the City movies ever.” Then I’ll be on it like Tiger on white girls.
[re=496714]pampl[/re]: Mine was some nonsensical acronym for trucknutz.
In phase III they will finally eliminate illegal Mexicans!
What’s cooler and more hip than monochrome silhouettes? Monochrome silhouettes next to scrolls and tricorn hats, THAT’S WHAT!
The only thing one can contract from the tea-bagging America is a guaranteed trip to the venereologist.
[re=496725]Redhead[/re]: Mine is always funions@funions.com
Your mileage may vary.
It’s interesting to find out that so many teabaggers are into tort reform, which will keep them from getting punitive damages (and probably limit actual recompensatory damages as well) once John Galt Inc. fires them for getting their leg cut off in the chicken processing machine. Their faith in the rich knows no bounds.
http://www.contractfromamerica.com
sigh.
[re=496743]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Doesn’t matter — they blame the chickens.
I’m surprised that they didn’t accidentally use the term “final solution”.
TAX THE EDUCATED!!
http://www.teapartypatriots.org/BlogPostView.aspx?id=1c165518-870e-4f88-8998-ea3fd10190d5
Duh! They need to call it “Green Balloons.”
What’s this, then? “Camelliasinensisfolli eunt domus”? People called teabaggers, they go, the house?
[re=496733]pub_option[/re]: Hey, they loved the idea of getting rid of birthright citizenship; apparently not realizing or caring that that would violate the 14th Amendment.
Then one had the idea to only let citizens vote. Because apparently immigrants were allowed to vote before.
[re=496708]JMP[/re]: Mailinator.com is very useful for avoiding spam if a site sends a confirmation e-mail. I doubt the ‘baggers bothered to code against this, but as Ella said, the world’s mad today, good’s bad today heaven knows, anything goes.
[re=496756]Snuggies[/re]: I contributed to the conversation. (I assume you’re ‘nobama2012′?) It’s a conversation worth having, I think!
So, all of y’all gay-married libtards in gay-married Taxachusetts went out to vote for the non-Scott Brown lady today, right, RIGHT? Did the Panthers and ACORN intimidate all the Republican voters?
Jeebus, it looks like the GOP agenda for 2010 is exactly the same as the GOP agenda for 1992. I remember reading some article in the gay libtarded New Yorker about this mathematics dude who figured out that things like political movements, stock market gains and losses, and other human behavior tends to flow in 8.6 year cycles, or 3,141 days, which just happens to be pi multiplied by one thousand, and trucknutz, and also.
I mean, shit – look at the top 10 ideas from the Teabagger site – they are all Gingrichian:
Implement the Fair Tax 7771 rating
Legislation shall contain no unrelated ammendments 3913 rating
Congressional Term Limits 3653 rating
Abolish the Department of Education 3036 rating
Pass Nationwide Medical Malpractice Tort Reform 2784 rating
Congress shall not exempt themselves 2549 rating
An Official Language of the United States 2534 rating
Drill Here, Drill Now 2511 rating
Interstate Health Insurance Competition 2459 rating
No lifetime salary or benefits for Congress 2415 rating
They just keep dressing up the same old garbage, praying everyone won’t know it’s just the same old garbage.
Fax it, post it, Tweet it, shout it, dress it up pretty in pink, put lipstick on it, it’s still a pig.
“If you have been asked to participate in this survey, you are among the most respected leaders and thinkers in the free-market movement. We ask that you consider each idea from two distinct perspectives: ”
Do you have to be pre-approved to participate on the linked site? Also, school vouchers are evil.
[re=496790]President Beeblebrox[/re]: My favorite idea was “Cut Deficit by 70% in Two Years with No New Taxes.” Sure thing, citizen! Hope you’re not too attached to all those Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid checks you might have been receiving.
Jesus wept. Probably tears of laughter, but still.
[re=496814]Katydid[/re]: Nope, and multiple times seems to be okay with them, too.
Influenza.
That’s what you could Contract from America.
[re=496817]imissopus[/re]: Well, sure. All they have to do is enact those novel ideas of abolishing the Departments of Education, Commerce, and Energy, and ALL YR MUNNIES ARE BELONG TO YU.
At least we’re at only 170 on the Rapture Index.
Hm. The high of 182 was during the W. administration, and the low of 57 was during the Clinton administration. WHY DOES JEEBUS HATE GEORGE BUSH JR?
[re=496790]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Er, I meant 1994…
Wow what a giant cluster of dingus that was. I think I voted to ban all mexicans and destroy the department of edumucation bekawse we don’t knead no stainkin edumucation….we can kill all them emenies awl by meselves…oh and kill them old peeple – with death panles
[re=496678]Sussemilch[/re]: ‘Contract though America’? ‘Contract under America’? ‘Contract at America’? Running out of prepositions here. Meh, your is better.
So, we are right now sitting at the bottom of a massive financial crash from a boom set off in large part by the last Contract On America (or To America, or whatever) in the form of Phil Gramm’s Commodities Modernization Act, which basically said Wall Street gets to print gibberish on pieces of paper and sell them, pocket billionties of dollars for their personal gain, and leave the middle class with the bill. (Not to mention all the other Contract Below (Under? Beside?) America legislation that castrated corporate oversight in general…) Here we are, still at the dead bottom of the largest slide since the depression, and the republicans think they can sell *another* Contract On America. Fuck me. If they can convince the morons who apparently still manage to vote in this country that that’s a great idea, we deserve to live in Hell with Wall Street using us as lawn furniture.
3-2-1..
Contract is the secret, is the moment, when everything happens!
Contact is the answer, is the reason, that everything happens!
Contract!
Let’s make Contact!
3-2-1…CONTRACT!
[re=496927]Extemporanus[/re]: Word substitution FAIL!
Teevee reminder WIN!
Worst Bond movie title ever.
Is the Final Elimination what happens when a dying person loses control of their bodily functions?
I get to spend my weekend with these fucktards in Nashville in a few weeks. Their “national convention” is being held in the same convention center/hotel that I’m going to be at for a conference. How on Earth am I going to be able to survive that weekend?
Their first mistake is using such high-falutin concepts as “the marketplace of ideas.” According to Dana Milbank, the average American can’t understand such elitist terms.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/29/AR2007052902038.html
The Republicans never realized the first Contract With America was largely unheard of in 1994 (except for one full-page ad in TV Guide) until after the election, when it quickly became immensely unpopular. The 1994 election victory was due mostly to the unpopularity of the Clintons and their healthcare plan (which that time actually was a government take-over, as opposed to the current Senate bill which is actually a huge giveaway to private insurance companies).
Have you ever noticed how little news about foxes, Fox News actually has?
[re=497014]Dean Booth[/re]: No, a drunken Dana Milbank & equally sloshed Chris Cilizza cannot understand such terms.
Get them to an AA Meeting, STAT.
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