Welcome to the wonderful world of Cable News Maths, where an extra $191 magically disappears from your colonoscopy bill because … Thanks to “Max” for the screencap. [CNN]
CNN Will Give You A Discount On Your Anal Probe!
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I bet Andy Cooper has already signed up if the rumors one hears about him are true. He sure is purty, though.
How much if I just have a semicolonoscopy?
Hawaii stole it when it was evicting the Galapagos Islands because Haiti’s cursed. Or maybe it had something to do with Egypt/Iraq… no, wrong network there, sorry.
If they throw in a free fudgepack, I’m there.
Good sales pitch: We look AT assholes because we look LIKE assholes
Math and anal probes first thing in the morning? I’m going back to bed.
At that price I’ll have two. Awww what the hell, this round is on me guys-N-Gals.
CNN must have hired the FOX News pie chart person.
BUTTHOLES!: always appropriate, always welcome.
I’ll take assplay for 2000 Alex.
That’s probably the only time probing and CNN are used in the same statement as tne
Chicken Noodle Network rapidly devolves into the USA Today of cable.
look at that pretty border around the rim of that graphic! nice rim job, CNN!
But what’s $2,000 in English? (9 comments in and no one has done that? For shame, Wonkett)
[re=523425]thesheriffisnear[/re]: I will always and forever love The Simpsons for this line, delivered by Homer Simpson: “USA Today is the only newspaper in America with the guts to tell the truth: that everything is just fine.”
The $191 disappears because in the formula CNN is using that figure is “ass”ymptotic. Get it? Can I have my I-phone now?
Who the assfuck did the math on that?
It’s just so depressing when even an organization like CNN can’t be bothered to do the math. That $191 is 9.5% return. Better than the stock market.
[re=523433]freakishlystrong[/re]: No Chile Lef Behin
Kang put it best in “Treehouse of Horror VII”: “We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost $191 in my anus.
I think this tells us something about the ability of Amerikuns to “shop” for health care.
Let me guess CNN hired those Fox News throwaway graphics people because they are sooo stupid they pay to work there.
191 is similar to 911. Coincidence?
CNN really is doing its worst to try and emulate FOX. But hey, this kind of math is hard work; if only computers came with easily-accessible basic calculator software this could have been avoided.
I’d like to look in the display case before I decide, please.
I do not recommend discount anal probes. Remember, you get what you pay for.
Is that Blanche Lincoln?
[re=523455]Spike[/re]: But those low, low rates should encourage our nation’s poors to get tested for the ass cancer.
Uh, what’s the proper tip for a proctologist? Or is “thank you from the bottom of my…” enough?
[re=523462]JMP[/re]: I thought we were encouraging the poors to die and quickly.
Hey, you try doing math during a colonoscopy, Einstein.
Reminds me. The last time I had this procedure, the specialist’s name was “Dr. Auger”. I shit you not. I would have been laughing my ass off but for the fact that he had firehose up in there.
Awesome. The blink tag still works. For Buttholes.
“Ambulatory surgery”? The LAST thing I wanted to do after mine was ambulate.
Or, if you agree to have the colonoscopy televised, you can get it for free, as well as a coupon for discounted curly fries at Arby’s (the Katie Couric Rule).
I take it that still does not include happy ending.
Y’all just jealous. Cartman’s anal probe makes him sing and dance, for free.
Is this one of the deals that the teabaggers were talking about where Harry Reid does your colonoscopy? I can see, then, why it would be heavily discounted.
[re=523426]The Legend of TeaBagger Vance[/re]: Seriously. Looks like they gave the intern her big shot: “Yukio, you’ve been out of Parson’s long enough, we’re giving you the Colonoscopy Calculator interface. Now GO OUT AND MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT!”
Meh. You can get them cheaper on eBay.
[re=523455]Spike[/re]: That’s the best part about the high-deductible health insurance idea. Just negotiate with your doctor for the lowest rate! This isn’t widely known, but I’ll let you in on a secret: most patients will get a pretty deep discount from their surgeon if they just negotiate right. Go practice at a 3rd world market stall, it’s pretty much the same thing.
[re=523476]pondscum[/re]: Now, no one wants to encourage the poors to die; the Republicans just think we shouldn’t do anything to prevent them from dying, because that would be socialism, which is bad for some reason.
Deep “C” diving for the win.
She should put a posting on Craigslist. I’m sure someone would be happy to probe her anus for free.
How exactly did Wonkette fool my browser into blinking “BUTTHOLES”? That shit was supposed to be turned off back in 1996.
Do they have a drive-thru?
Whatever you do, do NOT let them try to confuse you with what they’ll give you for your used colon. Nail down the price of that colonoscopy first, then move on to the trade-in and finally, the financing, if necessary. It’s always preferable to bring your own money to the hospital, and many credit unions will give you favorable rates. Last rule: Be Prepared To Walk Out The Door. You can’t let the doctor know that your desperate, it’ll only work in his favor.
Your welcome.
Needs more Rick Sanchez.
“the price for hernia surgery is so high I’m not even getting out of the car” Do they have a price list posted on the side of the building?
[re=523427]Simba B[/re]: Roughly a billion dollars.
I believe the punch line for this kind of math is: “Read the card!”
When you’re paying out your ass for health insurance, every medical procedure you have is literally a colonoscopy.
[re=523426]The Legend of TeaBagger Vance[/re]: The most beautiful part is that it strongly resembles a slot machine. This means something.
[re=523412]TGY[/re]: It depends on whether or not you’re on your period.
[re=523422]red sky[/re]: “I’ll take ‘Anal Bum Cover’ for $2000, Alex.”
[re=523448]Dean Booth[/re]: Vener Forteg!
[re=523633]MzNicky[/re]: Was the Dirty Sanchez this post gave you not enough?
[re=523705]rottenart[/re]: Congratulations! You hit the crackpot!
(Okay…I’m done.)
[re=523630]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: What’s it going to take to get me into your colon today?
[re=523750]Elephants Gerald[/re]: I don’t know, but you better start by offering me a diet coke.
Now I understand why the Canadians are streaming across our border to get at our “Best In The World” health care.
I’m more confused by it being superimposed over a Google Earth satellite photo. Colonscopy discounts for astronauts, only?
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