When we last visited New York Times Catholic Crusader furry Ross Douthat, he was discussing history’s greatest riddle: “Why is there no Jewish Narnia?” His answer was something along the lines of “Not enough hobbits” — a reference to the Holocaust, maybe. Since we now know why there is no Jewish Narnia, Douthat has moved on to other important questions, such as the one presented in today’s column: why is this new Matt Damon movie so mean to George W. Bush?
The rumors are true, according to Douthat: Hollywood has made another one of its movies. And there are simplifications. What kind of a capitalist society tolerates such things?
Consider “Green Zone,” the new Matt Damon thriller that doubles as a meditation on Why We Are in Iraq. The director is Paul Greengrass, a talented Englishman whose quease-inducing “United 93” remains one of the few compelling films to emerge from 9/11. The source material is Rajiv Chandrasekaran’s “Imperial Life in the Emerald City,” a dense and nuanced account of the Iraq occupation’s disastrous first year. But the film itself, a slam-bang account of the hunt for weapons of mass destruction, has the same problem as nearly every other Hollywood gloss on recent political events: it refuses to stare real tragedy in the face, preferring the comforts of a “Bush lied, people died” reductionism.
The narrative of the Iraq invasion, properly told, resembles a story out of Shakespeare. You had a nation reeling from a terrorist attack and hungry for a response that would be righteous, bold and comprehensive. You had an inexperienced president trying to tackle a problem that his predecessors (one of them his own father) had left to fester since the first gulf war. You had a cause — the removal of a brutal dictator, and the spread of democracy to the Arab world — that inspired a swath of the liberal intelligentsia to play George Orwell and embrace the case for war. You had a casus belli — those weapons of mass destruction — that even many of the invasion’s opponents believed to be a real danger to world peace. And you had Saddam Hussein himself, the dictator in his labyrinth, apparently convinced that pretending to have W.M.D. was the best way to keep his grip on power.
“Not enough hobbits,” basically.
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{ 85 comments }
Hobbiton clearly is the Green Zone for Samwise Douthat.
“Area Man Posting on Wonkette Despises, Unseen, Every Ross Douthat Column and, By Extension, Every Blog Post, Tweet, and Retweet About Him”
Shorter NeckBeard: Bush lied, people died.
Funny thing about that righteous response is we already had started a war over 9/11. The liberal media won’t tell you that, tho.
Ugh. Bellicose furry is bellicose.
Also, Iraq war as Shakespearean anything = ANALOGY FAIL.
Did Rouse Douchehat see the clip of Bush looking for WMD’s under the table in the White House? Of course at that time we could all laugh because only 2,000 GI’s and 300,000 Iraqis had died from his pranks.
If only Ross could wangle a meeting with Andrew Sullivan; he wouldn’t be wasting time going to the movies anymore, pant, pant!
Say what you will about him, the man has firmly coiffed hair.
“The narrative of the Iraq invasion, properly told, resembles a story out of Shakespeare.”
Hmmm… Richard III, perhaps?
I would like to think that I have a pretty fair knowledge of Shakespeare. But I will confess that I am having a heck of a time figuring out what “story out of Shakespeare” Mr. Douthat has in mind.
“King Lear”: Addled leader makes stupid decision re division of kingdom and reliance on offspring?
“MacBeth”? Murderous leader, with equally murderous wife, kills everyone in sight?
“Hamlet”: Murderous, incestuous leader, with brain-dead wife, runs country into the ground, such that Polacks take over in last act?
“Othello”: Murderous, incompetent leader, with murderous, lying flunkies, sails off the kills Mooslems, but gets sidetracked killing civilian?
Or maybe Douthat meant one of the comedies?
“You had a cause — the spread of democracy to the Arab world” Yes, Ross, the success of the Iraq campaign truly has led to a domino-like tidal-wave avalanche of cascading democracy throughout the Arab world. It’s been breathtaking.
Er, whatever. I can’t be funny today.
Someone appears to be having a hissy fit mainly because Matt is a stone cold fox and not matter how much Ross tries to butch it up, he always look like a Douthat.
I love how these asshats continue to ignore the very important and very obvious fact that we had that son of a bitch contained. Not just a little bit hemmed in. Fucking contained. Thanks to Clinton and Pappy.
“You had an inexperienced president trying to tackle a problem that his predecessors (one of them his own father) had left to fester since the first gulf war.”
Aside from the gift-wrapped double-term it’s all just little bits of history repeating….
Well, it’s a little encouraging that he’s not claiming that the invasion was right, only defending Bush’s motives. But only a little bit.
Otherwise, though; Iraq was not a problem left to fester; it was another little dictatorship, like many in the world, that we had no logical reason to be concerned about. In the run up to the invasion, a lot of us against conquering Iraq doubted the existence of the WMDs, particularly once those inspectors went in and found nothing; and of course we were proven right, and the administration had a lot of information that the rest of us only knew later that should have thrown more doubts onto the WMDs’ existence. And Douchehat, like many conservatives, likes to invoke Orwell without showing any knowledge of his work.
Due to the rage-induced quease unleashed by Douthat’s labyrinthian line of “reasoning” (“9/11 -> even liberals went GRRR!!! -> Iraq -> all Saddam’s fault”!), I find myself unable to comment with anything more erudite than this link to the real live actual Catholic furry himself, “Crusader Cat”!
“Suckle at the Holy Scrotum of Jesus Christ the Son of God, oh primitive brown skinned heathens, or I shall leave a shockingly mighty and malodorous poop in your dirty little sandbox of a country and not even bother to cover it up!”
I do not think “quease” means what Mr. Douthat thinks it means.
I envision Douthat bouncing around in a big Hobbit bed at the Annual Hobbit Tickler!
[re=530650]mercure[/re]: And a swell porn ‘stache!
Ross being “mistaken” (demonstrably wrong) about the war: tragedy. Death of hundreds of thousands in the ensuing invasion and occupation: statistic.
Let’s get one thing about tragedy clear, Ross. Tragedy is when the acts of the noble and good spawn terrible misfortune. Bush’s merry band of neocons and their ultimate explosion in an orgy of blood, rapaciousness, and cruelty? That’s more Grand Guignol territory.
[re=530652]Neilist[/re]: Brilliant, though my money’s on “Julius Caesar:” Arrogant, dickbag leader lusts for power, gets offed. Stabbiness ensues.
You had a nation reeling from a terrorist attack and hungry for a response that would be righteous, bold and comprehensive.
Well, we certainly handled that one nicely. In other words, we wanted the blood of any old crazy Arab, whether he had anything to do with 9-11 or not, and Saddam would do just fine.
I’m gonna put you down,
Leave you flat.
Because I told you before, whoa,
You can’t Douthat.
[re=530651]coolcatdaddy[/re]:
The Merchant of Venice in which a noble (albeit somehow vaguely queer) patrician protagonist is unjustly persecuted by a brown of a suspect non-christian religion, providing an excuse to go into the brown’s house and steal his daughter and all his stuff.
I always thought of Bush as more of a Pynchon character. Or perhaps something out of the Troma film cycle.
[re=530644]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Bush on war:
“Bring it on!”
Shakespeare on war:
“This day is call’d the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian.’
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispian’s day.’
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.”
See? Too many words! Bush had the clearer world view. Ross would surely agree.
[re=530652]Neilist[/re]: Very nice, way cleverer than mine.
[re=530668]One Yield Regular[/re]: Give Ross a break. He’s so confused, not understanding “quease” is the least of his problems.
“The narrative of the Iraq invasion, properly told, resembles a story out of Shakespeare. You had a nation reeling from a terrorist attack and hungry for a response that would be righteous, bold and comprehensive.”
Fuck righteous, bold and comprehensive.
What we were hungry for was a response that targeted the perpetrators of the attack.
Properly told, my ass.
The best part is this (via Balloon Juice – I don’t read Douthat unfiltered):
…the idea that many debacles flow from choices made by decent, well-intentioned human beings is more difficult for us to wrap our minds around…
Y’know, because the defining characteristic of Bush officials was that they were decent and well-meaning. We can take the debate about whether they were human (or if Ross actually has a mind) later.
Oh, the Chandrasekaran book is indeed excellent, as it documents in excruciating detail the willful stupidity and ignorance of the AEI drones that were sent to “rebuild” Iraq. If anything, I suspect the movie goes easier on the Repugs than the book Douthat feels obliged to praise.
Apparently “out of Shakespeare” means “complicated and beyond my understanding” to neckbeardy-McHobbit. Similarly, “complimentary” means “turn on grifting tractor beams” to Sarah Palin.
“The narrative of the Iraq invasion, properly told”, would be from jail cell. Douchehat.
Oh yoo-who, Ross, remember that country called Afghanistan, the one that was harboring the people who bombed us and the one we invaded before Iraq? Kind of throws a wrench in your whole ridiculous argument that “we needed to go to war” because we had ALREADY gone to war, you idiot.
[re=530652]Neilist[/re]: “Titus Andronicus”: everyone dies in the most grisly ways imaginable for no damn good reason. It’s all the foreigns’/Moors’ fault.
Did someone say “hobbits”? This reminds one of a story, the story if Bilbo Baggins http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04
[re=530692]Guppy06[/re]: Yes, but offspring pie! Yummers.
“The narrative of the Iraq invasion, properly told”
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
I’m against simplifications except when they accurately reflect reality. Such as “Bush lied, people died.” That pretty much sums it up.
[re=530697]Joshua Norton[/re]: It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
“The narrative of the Iraq invasion, properly told”,
…in iambic pentameter?
I think the most likely explanation is that his knowledge of Shakespeare is limited to the 1997 Romeo and Juliet movie.
[re=530700]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: WIN.
[re=530696]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: That’s what John Edwards thought.
[re=530652]Neilist[/re]: Could it be Measure for Measure, but with the execution not commuted in the last scene?
Yet another True Fact:
Ross is a big hit on the Karaoke circuit.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7Q-tD8eW2rE/StNz1KH5oCI/AAAAAAAADDw/6byowL9hu04/s400/Ross%2520Douthat.jpg
King Retard I
The colorful allusions to Shakespearean romanticism over the more direct “Bush Lied, People Died”, would seem to hint that Ross probably does not know anyone personally who died in Iraq.
It’s always fascinating how Neocons believe that the actions and mistakes of American (Republican) leaders deserve such careful parsing, while the causes behind 9/11 should not be more complex than “they hate us for our freedom”.
Someone make a satirical Twitter account for beardo, post haste!
[re=530655]snideinplainsight[/re]: And this lovely bit of right-wing revisionism: And you had Saddam Hussein himself, the dictator in his labyrinth, apparently convinced that pretending to have W.M.D. was the best way to keep his grip on power.
As I recall, ol’ Saddam was ‘pretending’ quite the opposite, and let more than a few UN inspectors poke around a bit to try to prove he hadn’t any WMD; which alas, was the case, as it turned out.
Young Douchehat hath a well-fed, chubby look.
[re=530704]comicbookguy[/re]: I think his knowledge of Shakespeare is limited to the 1967 Romeo and Juliet movie.
It’b been a long time since I studied Shakespeare, but I don’t remember any powerful people willfully inventing motivations for waging war. The really wicked characters are recognized as such, e.g., Iago. The others usually had some honestly felt – even if ultimately mistaken – rationale.
[re=530644]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I don’t know. I’ve seen a production of “Troilus and Cressida” that left me with PTSD it was so bad. And it seemed to go on forever, too.
[re=530661]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: Yes, thank you, I was thinking of the same “little detail”.
“… A problem that his predecessors … had left to fester…” makes it sounds like they were stupid not to take out Saddam. Which of course, they were!
[re=530718]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: indeed, it makes me want to incorporate the word dough into his crappy name. doughshat perhaps? like this shit you took after eating all the cookie dough?
[re=530713]Franklin Pierce & Pierce[/re]: The neocons are all about the nuance. Why, remember the run-up to the invasion of Iraq, when they requested a thorough investigation to determine all the facts and cautious debate over the right course of action, while the anti-war protesters just screamed “Anti-American traitor!” at all who disagreed with them, and burned Toby Keith CDs.
Here’s a tale told by Shakespeare:
******
TAMORA
Why hast thou slain thine only daughter thus?
TITUS ANDRONICUS
Not I; ’twas Chiron and Demetrius:
They ravish’d her, and cut away her tongue;
And they, ’twas they, that did her all this wrong.
SATURNINUS
Go fetch them hither to us presently.
TITUS ANDRONICUS
Why, there they are both, baked in that pie;
Whereof their mother daintily hath fed,
Eating the flesh that she herself hath bred.
‘Tis true, ’tis true; witness my knife’s sharp point.
Kills TAMORA
SATURNINUS
Die, frantic wretch, for this accursed deed!
Kills TITUS
LUCIUS
Can the son’s eye behold his father bleed?
There’s meed for meed, death for a deadly deed!
Kills SATURNINUS. A great tumult.
******
Aaaaand…SCENE!
This is something like what Douchehat had in mind I’m guessing…
“You had a nation reeling from a terrorist attack and hungry for a response that would be righteous, bold and comprehensive.”
Uh Ross, we already were in Afghanistan. How way wars do neocons need to feel righteous, bold and comprehensive? Yup Ross if it was up to us libtards there would be a few thousand soldiers still alive and tens of thousands not wounded(you know Ross like amputees, blinded, severe head injuries). I guess were righteous in a way a conservative cant understand. But please continue how we had to shit our pants over imaginary(WMDs) threats.
[re=530734]EdFlinstone[/re]: You just don’t understand, he was a WAR PRESIDENT.
The (Infernal) Comedy of Errors, maybe?
[re=530723]germansteel[/re]: Henry IV pretty much let the Bishops lie to him as a pretense for invading France, launching the short term glorious, long term disastrous 100 years war.
Maybe that’s what douchebag was thinking – young cowboy itching for any reason to flex his muscle winking and nodding his way into war, consequences be damned. Scooter Libby stands in for the innocent pages killed in the baggage train at Agincourt. King passes on (term limits) without finishing the deal, all gains eventually turn out to be crap.
And if he knew even a little bit about Shakespeare, he’d know Shakespeare would never have let the protagonist get away with such lies and failures, he would have had to pay plenty in blood and guts.
[re=530661]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: Oh, c’mon. Like a decade of near constant ‘precision’ bombing of military and civilian infrastructure is any kind of substantive impediment.
[re=530723]germansteel[/re]: I can think of a different literary/cinematic source on inventing reasons for war, although the analogy does take us into 9/11 truther territory:
Cheney: Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? Omar’s got his strength back. I’m starting him on the machine tonight.
Bush: [sincerely] Dick, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my vacation on the ranch to plan, a book to read to schoolchildren, the World Trade Center to blow up, and Iraq to frame for it; I’m swamped.
Cheney: Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.
[re=530688]Joey Ratz[/re]: I read the book too. Not a lot of nuance to the story of Karl Rove sending 22 year old flunkies to run things whose main criteria was being in the College Republicans and being pro-life, something that was asked of job applicants. Just another Bush related fucked up piece of fuckery that somehow never became a scandal.
[re=530652]Neilist[/re]: Much Ado About Nothing. Definitely.
DOWN WITH REDUCTIONISM! What son of bitch over-simplified our cause in Iraq by saying we had to get WMDs?! What person, dog, vampire or elected official spewed such drivel!??
[re=530716]Voyou Charmant[/re]: Done! Wow, really? NO ONE HAD TAKEN THIS YET? MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! (Shit, I better make this good.)
Keep trying there Neckbeard. Perhaps if you got a few more monkeys and a few more typewriters, given enough time one of these days you’re bound to say something of substance. Or at least coherence. Or intentionally funny.
Hey Neckbeard, how is “Bush lied, people died,” NOT tragedy?
Ooh, I guess if we call it Shakespearean, it’s all romantic and civilized and acceptable, right Douchehat?
I hate people.
Worst NYT hire since Bill “Irv’s putz of a son” Kristol.
[re=530724]Cape Clod[/re]: Heh, I can imagine. If it weren’t for the buttsecks between Achilles and Patroclus, T&C would hardly be worth watching.
I hate hate hate these shitheads with their ‘supporting the war was the right thing to do then because who could have known what everyone in the world who wasn’t a complete asshole said was completely true?’
[re=530719]chaste everywhere[/re]: Mock well you may, but seeing Leonard Whiting’s bare ass probably struck Douthat gay. fapfapfapfapfap
Oh, and Wonketterati all: I am humbled by the sheer amount of Shakespearean knowledge on display in the comments. This gives me a huge happy. *sniffs with joy*
Hollywood over-simplified “us against them”? Deep.
Nice pic of the young Douthat. Looks like he kicks the shit out of women and girls.
[re=530853]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh, you like the Shakespeare stuff, huh? Then let me quote for Romeo & Juliet & Tybalt & Rosaline: “Oh, wow, Rosaline, comest thou and see what yon Gent so name-ed Romeo is packing…”
Oh, wait, that wasn’t Shakespeare after all. That was a porno.
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[re=530723]germansteel[/re]: Read Henry V, Act 1. All that stuff about “the law Salic,” or whatever those Anglo-Froggies called it back then.
[re=530744]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Henry V, dear boy, as per above. You’re thinking of 1&2 Henry IV. (The Berkeley Rep would NOT be pleased.)
[re=530760]Mista Eko[/re]: Well, Dogsberry rings a bell. And the slutty ladies maid could fill in for both Bush daughters. And Don John = Dick Cheney? A natural.
Taming of the Shrew, with Sadaam being the shrew, of course.
Wait until he finds out that real relationships aren’t just like When Harry Met Sally, he’ll really cry then.
But the film itself, a slam-bang account of the hunt for weapons of mass destruction, has the same problem as nearly every other Hollywood gloss on recent political events: it refuses to stare real tragedy in the face, preferring the comforts of a “Bush lied, people died” reductionism.
As I recall, the whole “Bush lied” thing was a pretty apt description as I do not recall anyone finding those mythical weapons of mass destruction that everyone outside the conservative “movement” claimed were there.
In fairness though, I did not get on eBay a lot around that time, so maybe someone sold some nukes and other assorted party favors when I was not paying attention.
Behold, a conservative crying out for more “nuance” in cinema. Breitbart must be shitting himself right now.
@Extemporanus “Suckle at the Holy Scrotum of Jesus Christ the Son of God, oh primitive brown skinned heathens, or I shall leave a shockingly mighty and malodorous poop in your dirty little sandbox of a country and not even bother to cover it up!”
I laughed. I cried. I pooped. Thank you.
There’s a MacGuffin and a hot guy. WTF else does he want?
If you from crimes would pardoned be, pin the lie on Chalabi?
It’s all part of the vast left-wing conspiracy to undermine the Bushyt Misadministration. The terrorists win!
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