- Thai anti-government protesters are continuing with their extremely unsanitary practice of pouring their own blood on things, in public. [Bloomberg]
- President Obama will pull a “Nixon visits China” over at Fox News, which means that in just two short years we can expect him to resign from office in shame for completely unrelated reasons. [New York Times]
- Conan O’Brien, the beloved comedian who nobody ever watched until they cancelled his show, may soon have another show for nobody to watch. [Los Angeles Times]
- Michelle Obama has asked makers of various delicious salty mystery snacks to please make their products more “healthy,” which is like asking Rumpelstiltskin to turn a pile of gold back into hay because it has fiber. [Washington Post]
- Your Horrifying Environmental Disaster of the Week is brought to you by Fiji. [BBC]
- This happened in Scotland, obviously: “Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.” [BBC News]
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Authors
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Jim Newell (5417)
Kaia Mursi (43)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 44 comments }
This statement raises more questions that it answers.
“The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.”
In US America, of course, the suspect would be a bullet riddled corpse long before this was even possible.
Teabaggers are such pussies. Thai protesters know how to “water the tree of liberty”. I don’t want to see any more crappy signs and silly costumes. Next tea party BRING BLOOD!
[re=532089]V572625694[/re]: If this was an attempt at teabagging, he was doing it wrong.
How I got in the Lithuanian’s underpants, I’ll never know.
Well, at least he didn’t lose anything while he was drunk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4
[re=532089]V572625694[/re]: I wonder if the evasive action included *standing up*.
I wonder what happens when you water the tree of liberty with the blood of bullet riddled Lithuanian engineers?
Q: Why did the Lithuanian try to cock slap the Scottish police babe, causing her to take evasive action?
A: Because he could.
[re=532094]Lazy Media[/re]: So glad you linked this. One of my all-time favorite campfire songs.
Conan is kind of like the Velvet Underground: he may not have many viewers, but every viewer who watched his show started their own show featuring masturbating bears.
[re=532097]Mr Blifil[/re]: Everybody knows Lithuanians have teh big ones.
The Thai protests are amazing. I can’t imagine anywhere else in the world where things would happen that way.
- The protesters ask permission to protest
- The protestors head to government building and send a representative to each entrance, where they politely pour blood on the ground and issue a blood oath on the government. They then leave, as requested.
- The government cleans up the blood.
Non-violent and respectful on both sides. No snark, this just amazed me.
[re=532089]V572625694[/re]:
A billyclub to the region of the offending bod ypart would have been more appropriate.
Joe the Penis.
MiSSus OBaMa KEEP YER FiLthy NAnnY-StaTE HanDS oFF my SneakY SNaCKs!1!
In Soviet Lithuania, penis strike cop.
I think FOX news could learn something from the BBC.
[re=532095]the problem child[/re]: Yeah, the story got me wondering, “Wait, was the officer a dwarf; or the drunk dude a giant?”
But then he was charged, not with assault, but with “committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks”. Man, this makes me glad for the first amendment; does this mean Wonkette and us commentors would constantly be breaking the law in Scotland?
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site- A_g e_m_in_g l e @ c./o./m a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to- interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends.
[re=532129]JMP[/re]: I had the same thought. Is she two feet tall? Is he 10 feet tall? Is his penis like a fire hose that he could swing around? I need more detail here.
Somebody needs to tell KateyKat that Wendykat is stealing her schtick.
Seriously, a Lithuanian engineer getting pissed and waving his dick around is not news. A sober Lithuanian engineer might be, or a drunk Lithuanian not waving his dick around.
Love the tag line in the article that he’s given up binge drinking. Like the “reformed” alcoholic who only drinks beer, I’m not sure he’s addressing the core issue.
Dear Marium:
PICS or DIDN’T HAPPEN.
Yours fappishly,
QAE v 2.0
I should be mad at you SKS. It hurt to laugh reading about the mad Lithuanian dick waver. Apparently, this updates a saying we injinears say:
“Those that can, do. Those that can’t, teach. Those that can’t do either get drunk wearing only underwear and wave their dicks in lady cop faces.”
In Lithuania, it is customary to show your appreciation of a beautiful woman by slapping her in the face with your penis repeatedly.
When does his porn career start?
[re=532129]JMP[/re]:
“But then he was charged, not with assault, but with “committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks”. Man, this makes me glad for the first amendment; does this mean Wonkette and us commentors would constantly be breaking the law in Scotland?”
How to the cops in Scotland avoid having to arrest every drunk in every pub right around closing time?
“Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.”
Fuck yes, this is the best news story ever. I seriously think I laughed hardest at “but she got out of the way.” Such an awkward sentence! Such an anticlimax!
I’m sorry, but one should never wave one’s private bits around in stabby, stabby Scotland.
How do you say John Bobbitt in Lithuanian?
mr lithuanian guy , i need to know this ; BOXERS or BRIEFS ?????????? i’m hoping briefs , they are exciting .
The police woman tried to slap some cuffs on his offending member, but to no avail. That’s when things got out of hand.
Apparently, the cops sat down with him and then he jumped to his feet while they were still sitting. But I was really confused until I looked up “legless” and discovered it means drunk. I thought I misread it and the policewoman was legless, which would also have explained the logistical issues we’re having.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/17/legless_lithuanian
oh come now. we all know that the conan/andy/max era late night was second only to the jon/steve/stephen era daily show as the best thing on late night teevee evar.
How old is this Wendykatt supposed to be, anyway? 8 years older, is she supposed to be 12 and the boyfriend 20? Is this the gubmint trolling for pedophiles?
Jebus, this is hard to visualize. I thought at first that “Marium” was a girl’s name and how the hell did she strike herself in the head with the guy’s dick?
Riot shields: the ultimate cockblockers.
According to Mrs. Obama, if one truly cares about their health, they should only eat bags of unsalted poison rat dicks. And in a nod to St. Patrick’s day, she warned the ginger minges across the pond of the dangers of assault & baggery by pissed Lithuanian dicks, and pledged America’s full support.
Gotta love that woman — thanks to her tireless advocacy, we finally have a shot at licking whiskey dick obesity once and for all!
[re=532093]Dean Booth[/re]: Dude, you’re a total dick.
“Een Lithuania, we call theese ‘foreplay.’ You have not any foreplay in Scot Land, Mees Poleece Officer?”
Conan got $40 million to go away, so he’s coming back anyway for $60 million after doing a tour. Sounds like a game show: “How much is enough?” Don’t get me wrong, however — I’m 100 percent in favor of anyone separating Rupert from that much dough.
“self-employed engineer”
He is truly a Lithuanian/Scottish Joe the Plumber (and a hero to millions).
Lady cop haz mad evasive skillz, like ol’ W avoiding the occasional hurled footwear.
I was in Fiji for a cyclone (Martin?) in ’86, sure there was flooding but all the booze, beer and kava made everything fine…
“…but she got out of the way.” Not enough description here, I’m afraid.
I mean, did she deftly bat the schlong to one side, like Kwai Chang Cain used to do with poles in Kung Fu? Was it an elegant, ssllooww motion dodge a la The Matrix? Or did she just do the good old Limbo Rock? Paint the picture please, Mr Beeb.
omg…
D
DDDDDDDDDDDD
AAAAAAAgain LI-THU-A-NIAN,sometimes it”s so shame that i”m lithuanian…
This time i just laughed so hard…
He”s really dumb!
P.s.his name IS not MariuM,but MARIUS!
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