Wonkette operative Bearbloke just sent the newsroom a very troubling message: “My mate in California informed me that his father is a FULL-BLOWN Birther candidate for the U.S. Senate from Kentucky, running for Sen. Bunning’s seat in today’s primary election!” Check out Gurley Martin, who has two loves: fine ass women and fancy cars. But has he stolen a car, for his love? Has he raped the women? Gurley Martin says NO, so let’s vote for him, restore dignity to the office of the Senate for once.
Come on, America, will at least some loopy wingnut voice of the lunatic fringe of U.S. politics please stand up for Gurley Martin? Oh, National Review Online’s The Corner would like to help us out? Okay, that’s not exactly a full-throated endorsement, but Gurly Martin will take it, and he won’t rape it, because this is America. [Gurley Martin]
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“Gurley”? For realz?
I’d hit it.No, I mean I would actually hit it, as in a furious punch to the genitals.
When did they colorize Dr. Strangelove?
My Favorite Martin.
This great ‘merican is gonna save us!
was that an admission he attended a lynching as a kid?
If you look on his birth certificate COPY, there is an entry for “Legitimate?” Very quaint. I want to inspect the original, and see what that entry REALLY says.
I’m not extremely proud not to be an American. It was an accident.
[re=579316]Limeylizzie[/re]: Ha; ha!
Never raped a “woman” .. squeal louder!
So, octogenarian Gurley Martin — because he is a Teabagger — jawohl… but octogenarian party switcher Arlen Specter — because he is too old — nein? Another Mooselini cocktail, barkeep — make it a double(think)!
his birth certificate is a reproduction provided by the SOS… signed and notarized as authentic! not good enough!
I can’t understand most of this speech, but it’s clear that he’s car-thieving rapefest of an old dude (true american) and that’s good enough for me.
Old people are so cute when they cluelessly talk about the Internet.
This is such a tough call! Where, as an extremely proud Kentuckian (extremely!), should I cast my vote today? With Mr. “Just ’cause I can”? With the pantsless Randian political theoretician? Or with the doughy republiclone with the tell-tale speech pattern that makes him most likely to contribute this Fall’s Cocktober festivities? How do I best use my vote to advance the crazy? Advice, anyone?
Nuculus? Did he really say “Nuculus”? He didn’t. Did he?
The tepid applause in response to that stirring denial of grand theft / auto AND rape really says it all for me. Maybe attending lynchings as a 6-year-old is part of his platform.
My grandfather’s birth certificate, from Bratislava, had columns for Legitimate and Illegitimate (in Latin, of course). Let’s just say my family name comes down from my great-grandmother’s side…
Can someone please identify the single terrorist who clapped when Gurley announced he’s never raped a woman?
“I’ve never stolen an automobile, nor raped a woman….”
::applause::
(The applause is actually there. Coming from the audience. I didn’t add it for snark points.)
OT, but those of you who enjoy the mocha loveliness of Tamron Hall, she just announced she will “have” the lovely Muslin Miss America on her show tomorrow.
He’s a Taft-Goldwater conservative. William Howard, I assume – back when The Lynch Mobs of Kentucky was a top-rated reality show.
It’s pathetic days for Republicans when one of their main campaign promises is *NOT* to rape women.
Gurley’s performance during the televised round-table debate of KY’s GOP-Sen candidates is AMAZING. He out-Abe-Simpsons Abe Simpson. At one point the moderator has to flat-out tell him to stop muttering and commenting over the other fellas’ answers, because he is wearing a microphone, and can be heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7pTC-u44tE
[re=579334]Holden Caulfield[/re]: One of the infamous Hartford, KY ‘soreheads’ no doubt.
[re=579337]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Exactly. I’VE never mugged an old lady, kicked a puppy for a field goal, or blown up a McDonalds. Where’s MY applause?
Hey, you! Gurley-man!
Harry Caray? Is that you?
Let the record show that Mr. Gurley did NOT promise not to rape a fine-ass woman or steal a car. He has never done either, he says; but he has never been a senator either.
[re=579345]Buttery1000[/re]:It’s pathetic days for Republicans when one of their main campaign promises is *NOT* to rape women.
You notice he didn’t make any promises about not raping men (or farm animals) however; so he yet may be an honest man.
What a motivational speaker. Tell me he’s teaching the young GOPers how to stir up a crowd into a frenzy.
“dot see-oh-em”, ha ha ha.
[re=579329]Scarab[/re]: What tipped you off? The “dot C – O – M”? I bet that guy got his first look at the “inner-net” about two weeks ago.
[re=579345]Buttery1000[/re]: I thought it was pretty easy for the Republicans to promise not to rape women. Their objects of desire are usually younger and have a Y chromosome.
[re=579331]Apocalyptic Supermarket[/re]: If “nu-KEW-ler” was good enuf for W….
I have never raped a fine-assed woman in a stolen Aston-Marin, but I have played Hurly-Gurley in the back seat of a convertible with the top down. No, I will not resign from the Senate.
[re=579366]Not_So_Much[/re]: I thought it was Peter Sellers – Dr. Strangelove with a southern accent.
[re=579360]TGY[/re]: Gurley-man indeed. Just not believing that he’s Danica Go Daddy Patrick’s heartthrob (if I can make out his mumblin’. Also, she’s married though, so that December-June out-of-the-vows affair might fit well with current retublican family values.
[re=579384]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: You couldn’t make shit up this good, even on your best day, JF. And I say this as one of your fans.
So Gurley-man was “not yet 6″ when he first attended a public execution. That would have been 1929. Yet Kentucky was notoriously the last state to hold public executions, performing the last one in the country in 1936. We’re talking about a lot of beloved childhood memories we haven’t been let in on yet!
I also can’t help notice the similarities between those who pat themselves on the back for not having raped anybody, and those who think they’re remarkable for not having made the “choice” to be gay. It occurs to me that perhaps Kentucky’s women were spared only because Gurley-man was just not that into them.
Not many can successfully pull off stating something about being at a hangin’ when you were six to loving beautiful women and fancy cars in the same breath. Gurley is no exception.
So Gurley-man was “not yet 6″ when he first attended a public execution. That would have been 1929. Yet Kentucky was notoriously the last state to hold public executions, performing the last one in the country in 1936. We’re talking about a lot of beloved childhood memories we haven’t been let in on yet!
I also can’t help notice the similarities between those who pat themselves on the back for not having raped anybody, and those who think they’re remarkable for not having made the “choice” to be gay. It occurs to me that perhaps Kentucky’s women were spared only because Gurley-man was just not that into them.
Also what is this “photostatic copy” bullshit?
“When did you stop raping women?” is apparently the new “when did you stop beating your wife?” in GOTCHA! politics.
[re=579327]LordBuckley[/re]: Yeah what is this “photostatic copy” bullshit? Moreover why is the “original” birth certificate BLACK?
That’s Andy Kaufman doing one of his bits, isn’t it? He’s still alive, that sneaky fucker.
That guy standing behind the podium was hired by Gurley through rentblackguy.com.
I was pretty impressed he could still spell his name. He has also memorized his address in case he wanders off again.
I guess he makes sense, in his head. I just wonder if the people he’s talking to, in his head, are answering him back.
Here I was, getting all excited about young Dr Rand Paul and his delightful mop of russet curls and his Ameros and such, but now I’ve got to admit, he does seem to have a rapey-car-thieving vibe about him, does he not?
He hasn’t denied it yet…
I’m certain he’s ready to tackle the comlex issues of today, at least as they relate to
Kentucky.
Seeing as how he’s a Republican, I call bullshit. That man is a car stealing rapist if I ever saw one.
[re=579376]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=579389]PsycGirl[/re]: True.
Does Gurley “Tim Calhoun” Martin have a platform, or just some felon’s bucket list?
I love how Kentuckians (I used to be one) all have a hard on for Rand Paul, who is railing against all the money that has been brought back into the state via (duh duh DUH) earmarks. I guess they don’t like money. Doesn’t make sense to me. Does it to you?
He’s never raped a woman, but is willing to learn!
“When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.” – Mark Twain
Fuck me for a double posting troll. I’m ready for my public execution.
“The website contains a cover sheet.”
Does not need moar oldz.
[re=579389]PsycGirl[/re]: I bet that guy got his first look at the “inner-net” about two weeks ago.
And I bet he pointed at the keyboard and said, that there REmote control is too complicated.
A few years ago, I tried to train an old in using a computer. This was a lawyer who couldn’t even type; he’d had women doing his typing all his life. The man picked up his mouse and pointed it at the monitor like a remote.
Looks like he’s giving a speech at a retirement home. Anywayz, isn’t wierd that no one applauses when he says he never stole a car or raped a woman? Them good old boyz like their candidates tainted but contrite….Hey everyone, vote for me, I stole a car AND raped a woman with it. Yeah, I did that! But I’m sorry. Verrrry, sorrry.
[re=579316]Limeylizzie[/re]: [re=579320]cheeto_jeebus[/re]: [re=579325]DC Hates Me[/re]: [re=579328]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: [re=579329]Scarab[/re]: [re=579894]Hoplight[/re]: [re=579410]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=579471]Katydid[/re]: [re=579478]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=579636]Extemporanus[/re]:
G’day folks!
I hate to go all Miss Information on you snarky bastards, but I’ve met Mr. Martin and he is 1) a non-racist Lena Horne/Tina Turner/Angela Basset- loving man with a 50-something Black 2nd-wife (think September -December relationship), 2) a quite sharp, scrupulously honest nice old coot still with all his marbles (except for the logical blind-spot that he refers to as his ‘deep Christian Faith’) informing these wacky political opinions of his, 3) a very well-educated (Masters in Chemical Engineering) technically savvy (for his age) man, who is generally NOT a stereotype of his someone from his era and background – except when he is…
That said, the whole Birfer/10th Campaign madness hit his family like a tonne of Limbaugh…
[re=579338]Limeylizzie[/re]: Mr. Martin would hit it, if he didn’t already have a Beautiful Black Woman (some 30yr younger) for a wife… BTW, my Mate offered his old Dad some Viagra during the wedding – and the old man scoffed at such artificial assistance…
[re=579331]Apocalyptic Supermarket[/re]: Yes – he really does talks like that…
[re=579330]Ruhe[/re]: Gurley Martin FTW! Really, Mate – you can’t do much better in Kentucky…
[re=579396]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: That’s why I was compelled (the POWER of Wonkette COMPELLES YOU…) to share this tasty bit of Internuttery…
[re=579738]Mr Blifil[/re]: Candidate Martin is IN FAVOUR of the Death Penalty for Hardened Criminals like you – so jes’ wait right here whilst he fetches a rope…
Did Tom Hanks do a Forest Gump voice over for this shitbirds rant?
And what the fuck is up with the concluding gay-assed backward curtsey or is he swatting at shit that ain’t really there?
I’ve never raped a car either, but they won’t let me be a Senator, just because I’m not a US citizen. It’s so unfair.
Who doesn;t long for the days when a poor cracker could be publicly hanged for banging a white chick???
Old people should not be allowed to run for office of any kind (see Juan McCain)
[re=579960]Bearbloke[/re]: Postscript, 19 May 2010:
In the final count of the 2010 Republican Senate Primary, one sees that America’s Senator, Mr. Gurley L. Martin, has finished fifth… yes, FIFTH in a six-way race… for FREEDUMMMMMMMMM!!!!11!1!1!!
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