Our Google News Alert for “Bill Clinton weiner” has finally come through. On Saturday, Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York married some lady who used to work for Hillary Clinton. The gown was made by the bride’s “good friend Oscar de la Renta,” because of course he is and because everyone cares about who made clothes people wear. Was the groom’s wedding costume made by Bill Clinton? The articles don’t say, but he did officiate.
It also does not say how Clinton can officiate weddings. Is that something a former head of state can just do? Perhaps Clinton became a Universal Life minister? That’s that thing on the Internet that lets you become a minister for free by just putting in your name and e-mail UNLESS YOU ARE A PET, WHICH IS ILLEGAL. (Full disclosure: Jack Stuef is actually the Rev. Jack Stuef because of the Universal Life Church and is available to perform Alvin Greene-themed weddings.)
We are BURYING THE LEDE, however, as this Jewish site notes. This Clinton aide is a Muslim! How can Bill Clinton and Anthony Weiner destroy Israel with this terrorist marriage? They are trying to hide the terrorism by not having fellow Muslin Barack Obama officiate, but we know what is going on.
The bridegroom and bride both looked stunning and molemanish. [NY Daily News/Reliable Source/Yeshiva World News]
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Ha Ha. I see what you did there, “Jack Stuef”
You know how many loopholes there’s gotta be in any vows officiated by Bill?
Oh you know Bill had one of those uncomfortable prolonged kisses with the bride right?
Speaking as a fellow minister ordained by the Universal Life Church, Jack, it’s time to go perform some weddings.
I don’t want to suggest that Kissinger was right, but the former Ms. Abeden is very physically attractive and Con. Weiner is not.
Oy vey, that Jewish site is verklempt mit the news. The url reads, “Christian President Marries Jewish Congressman to Muslim Political Aide on Shabbos.” I think they’re actually cursing him, in Hebrew. And I don’t mean like, fuck him. I mean like, may he not be buried in a Jewish cemetery curses.
Since most brides already save their wedding gowns forever, those stains will also be saved a la Lewinsky.
Jack, I bet you’d get a lot more ‘Clinton weiner’ hits on Google News if you turned off SafeSearch.
You can become an ordained minister via the internet in about 10 minutes. I’m thinking of doing it in California so I can gay-marry everyone once it becomes legal again. (Not marry me personally, but you know what I mean.)
I don’t care who they worked for, what ethnicity they claim, or whether the color scheme was red/white/blue, the bride and groom will never be considered Real Americans until their body fat crosses over into the double digits.
Bill Clinton is an expert on interfaith affairs, if you know what I mean. AND I THINK YOU DO.
Following the ceremony, Mr. Clinton offered the bride a congratulatory cigar, which was politely declined.
And if anyone knows about happy marriages its Bill Clinton. What could he say? Mazeltov.
Mrs Huma Weiner? The Weiners?
Add this to the buzz about whether Chelsey will ‘convert’ and you can see we are no longer a mainly Christian nation. Which as an atheist I applaud.
Ah now pronounce yew husbin’ an’ wahf. Whew! Now kin ah have a blow-job?
There has to be a Glen Beck joke in here because if he can start his own university, I’m sure his own bat shit-crazy church can’t be too far behind.
I frequently tell people that as a Notary Public I am empowered to conduct marriages.
I have so much trouble telling those races (ethnic groups? tribe? species?) apart.
All I know is that the Jews murdered Jesus, and we Catholics need to take the Holy City back from the Muslims (and the Jews, come to think of it).
(In fairness, the Jews make better guns than the Arabs. Although the U.S. taxpayer ends up footing the bill.)
Wait. Huma Abedin is straight???? Didn’t Obama’s people pass around a nasty rumour that she was cleaning Hillary’s carpet?
Wait. Anthony Weiner is straight????????
[re=615453]Limeylizzie[/re]: Huma Weiner sounds like something you’d write on the attendance sheet for a substitute teacher.
“Huma Weiner? Who’s Weiner, Huma?”
[re=615437]Katydid[/re]: While the article is straightforward, the comments just go to prove that not all the obnoxious religious bigots out there are Christians. I don’t understand the Yiddish curses, but there’s plenty of “he’s a nutcase”, “they should kick him out of Congress”, “he’s a traitor to his constituents”; all just for marrying a Muslim woman. It’s maddening, and depressing.
I wouldn’t let Clinton officiate me taking a shit in a bucket.
*Clinton voice* I may kiss the bride.
[re=615468]JMP[/re]: You’re absolutely right. It just proves that any religion can make anybody an intolerant fucktard. You would think that people that have been/are shunned for just being a different religion would know better, but you would be wrong, wrong, wrong.
It’s a big reason why I’m a Jewish atheist. Jewish by heritage, atheist by reason.
“We encourage users to analyze, comment on and even challenge washingtonpost.com’s articles, blogs, reviews and multimedia features.”
I’ve analyzed and will comment that all of these couples will be divorced within the coming five years. I furthermore challenge anyone to criticize them spending the money for lavish weddings and the inevitable divorces in this economy. Job creation: Clothes, flowers, food, booze, lawyers, lawyers, lawyers!
I don’t understand why interfaith weddings are a big deal — the fact of the matter is that Judaism and Islam both come from the same source: complete fucking insanity.
[re=615494]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And the fact they the 3 ‘Abrahamic’ religions will fight to the death over the same little piece of hot, shitty desert astonishes me. Evolution takes a mighty long time to get any where.
[re=615501]chascates[/re]: And it’s not even Vegas.
[re=615468]JMP[/re]: [re=615491]Katydid[/re]: Takes me back to those heady days when Barbra and Omar were traitors for kissing (each other) in FUNNY LADY. Or did they actually kiss? They got divorced, or something. She was a traitor for marrying a Arab and he was one for playing (and marrying) a Jew. She tried the “It was a sequel, I was under contract!” defense but her fellow Chozens wouldn’t buy it. He tried the “I had to take this role, it’s the first one I’ve been offered since LAWRENCE OF ARABIA” but his fellow ‘slimbots wouldn’t buy it.
[re=615469]facehead[/re]: Has he offered to do so?
[re=615453]Limeylizzie[/re]: Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I fully support your freedumz of speech (not like the American version where we can advocate violence and whatnot [FUCK YEAH], but worthy of note every so often) but you’re giving Ben Stiller ‘ideas’.
[re=615468]JMP[/re]: Hey, some of the commentators are refreshingly tolerant. As “N_B” says: “An arab girl isn’t necessarily an enemy to the US.”
Of course, s/he adds: “In fact, Barrack Hussein Obama is just as much of an enemy to US values & Way of life as are the radical muslim americans”
[re=615437]Katydid[/re]:
On the upside, I’ll bet he’ll be a real dibbuk in the sack.
And hate all you wish lessers, they are going to have some smokin’ hot, if possibly very conflicted children.
I can just imagine the reception after the ceremony. Maybe Clinton and Weiner wind up at a table together, and the talk turns to the Clinton’s two terms.
“Yeah, but Bill, welfare reform?”
“Tony, let’s say your slice of wedding cake is the budget deficit. Now -” Bill shoves the cake in his mouth, biting off half “welfare reform! The deficit is reduced!”
Yeah, I still miss Hartman.
[re=615467]actor212[/re]:
You know she can “hum a” Weiner. Not a lick of chrome left on his trailer hitch.
[re=615494]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=615501]chascates[/re]: All three of those religions also pretty much worship the same god, too; the disagreements pretty much just come down to their interpretations of two guys. Yet even sects within each religion have often fought to the death over minor doctrinal differences.
I also knew a couple who was a Pakistani Muslim and an Indian Hindu, and they both got a lot of undeserved shit from their families.
[re=615468]JMP[/re]: Before you get all verklempt and suicide bomberial, try looking at the situation from another angle:
A Muslim woman born in Michigan and raised in Saudi Arabia by her Indian father and Pakistani mother married a Jewish congressman from New York at a French-style chateau built by a German-born British citizen and American philanthropist while wearing a Dominican-Puerto Rican fashion designer’s custom-made gown at a wedding officiated by a serial philandering Christian ex-President from Arkansas married to an Illinois-born ex-senator and current Secretary of State to whom she is a personal personal aide and body woman.
That shit has “only in America” written all the fuck over it!
Then again, considering the fact that in America, someone named “Weiner” could never be elected president regardless of their ethnicity or religion, we find ourselves right back at “maddening and depressed”.
*sigh*
I wonder who brought the cigars.
[re=615467]actor212[/re]: [re=615520]Oblios Cap[/re]: “Excuse me, do you know the Weiners?”
“No, but maybe if you Huma few bar mitzvahs, I’ll recognize the tune.”
[re=615541]Extemporanus[/re]: badumCHING!
[re=615520]Oblios Cap[/re]: Huma da huma da huma da
Bill’s new Mid-east peace plan — peace through inter-marriage.
This weiner waits til 45 to get “married”?
And he’s from Queens?
“I’m from normal parents myself.”
*(rimshot)*
Oh heck ya, the Universal Life Church is the way to go for all your ‘marrying off your friends’ needs.
I would have guessed that Clinton was a priest of the Subgenius Church.
[re=615437]Katydid[/re]: Verklempt is neither a Yiddish nor a Moslem word. Mike Myers made up a word that “sounded” like Yiddish. Capice? (A word I always thought was Yiddish, since it sounds like pish. No? oy, vergettaboutit)
This is the gayest story every written on Wonkett.
The right wing is just mad because Palin has to do something about those “leftist hookworms”.
Or rather “Clinton giving away a Weiner in marriage is one job he can’t blow”.
Holy crap! You can’t make this stuff up!
Funny story… When I was a mayor here in pundunk western NJ I was frequently called on to officate at weddings (NJ mayors and judges are empowered).
One night I was off to a wedding of a local farmer and I say to my (then 5-6 year old son) “Daddy will is going out to marry Farmer Jones”
He looked at me in tears and said “I thought you were married to Mommy”.
Ah Anthony Weiner, you give hope to us scrawny, big-nosed Jewish guys everywhere. Also to our mothers.
I’m looking forward to the upcoming adolescence of Anthony Weiner, Jr. when phone callers will ask for “Big Weiner” or “Little Weiner”.
[re=615469]facehead[/re]: That’s because you probably belong to the Giant Octopus Party. You’d let Bush or Condi take a dump on you, wouldn’t you? That’d consummate a GOP wedding.
The name of the article is a misnomer here as clinton is already a married person. However it is interesting enough to make the visitor read this article.
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Clinton after “I do’s”: “I now envoke my right of “prima nocta”
[re=615618]maven[/re]: “Verklempt” is indeed Yiddish; I don’t think this one has anything to do with Linda Richman and Coffee Talk. http://www.pass.to/glossary/gloz4.htm.
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