BP’s sacrificial Scottish piñata, Tony Hayward, is not exactly getting his life back. BP is reportedly sending him to Siberia, to run some operation there. Haha, isn’t that where the Soviets/Putin send traitors? And didn’t Washington just trade the Sexy Spy and her yuppie buddies for some Russian scientist who had been held in a Russian Prison Camp? And didn’t Vladimir Putin just spend a chill weekend with the deported Russian spies, just cold singing karaoke and keeping it real about the spy business? And didn’t the reported new BP CEO barely escape from Russia with his life?
Yes, yes, yes and yes. Actual life is just an insane corporate-espionage Cold War thriller these days, which is too bad for dumb Hollywood movies trying to compete with Google News:
- “The BP oil spill saga has suddenly turned into a weird James Bond thriller. According to media reports, BP CEO Tony Hayward has been exiled to Siberia, where he will oversee TNK-BP, a joint venture between BP and a group of Russian oil billionaires, one of whom boasts a name that even the most jaded hack screenwriter would likely think too lame to bestow on an evil master-villain: German Khan.” [Salon]
- “Arms control researcher Igor Sutyagin was detained in 1999 and five years later convicted of passing on nuclear submarine data to a British firm thought to be a front for the CIA. Sutyagin said he only provided information that was already in the public sphere. He and three other Russians suspected of providing intelligence to Western nations were exchanged for 10 men and women who admitted collecting information in the United States for the Kremlin’s spy service.” [Global Security Newswire]
- “Asked whether he had sung karaoke with them, Mr Putin said: ‘We did, but not with a karaoke box. We sang to live music and we sang ‘Where the Motherland Begins’ and other such songs.’ Mr. Putin went on to say that the spy swap with the US had come about as a result of ‘betrayal’ …. And when asked by reporters if Moscow was planning to take revenge, he said it was incorrect to ask about it. ‘It cannot be solved at a press conference. They live by their own laws, and all special services are well aware of these laws,’ he said.” [BBC News]
- “Dudley, who worked for Amoco before it was swallowed by BP in a mega-merger, shot to prominence when he was at the centre of a huge row between BP and Russian shareholders inside their joint venture group, TNK-BP. An increasingly politicised dispute saw the modern version of the KGB raiding the TNK offices in Moscow and a Siberian court refusing visas to BP staff. In June 2008, Dudley left Russia in haste when his visa was not renewed, saying later he had faced “sustained harassment” from the Russian authorities.” [The Guardian]
Finally, attractive Russian lady Anna Chapman is now said to be planning a Playboy photo spread, because why not. You will recall she is the “hot Facebook spy” who is so hot, because she’s not a weird looking Russian guy or a fat American slob. [Russia Today]
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Is that sexy lady on the cover of that book available in mail order bride form.
Damnit! ? not .
Tony Hayward: International Man of Misery
Tony Hayward: To Russia With Loathing
Tony Hayward: OilyFinger
Now see, that’s what Obama should have done with Gen. McChrystal; mere firing was too good for him.
That Photoshop’d cover is really freaking me out.
As those Liverpool moppets so presciently crooned: “Hack in the U.S.S.R.”
Man, this could be an international incident.
When they bend Tony over as part of the “Welcome to Gulag” drill, half the Republican congressional caucus is going to come tumbling out of his rectum.
I’m not actually going to read the Salon article, but why wouldn’t Tony rather retire “early” into obscurity rather than have to work in Siberia? Maybe Siberia’s not as bad as I’ve been led to believe. And we know it’s not his “work ethic”.
But will the Former GILF of Alaska be able to see Our Tony from her house? And if so, will she give him a bird bath?
So trite for the scapegoat to be a Scot.
[re=625972]Sharkey[/re]: You’d think BP would also prefer him not to be working anywhere rather than working for them. Unless maybe it went down after two of the company’s directors were getting shitfaced one night and one of ‘em said, “Yeah? Well I’ll bet he can’t fuck up a tractless wasteland,” and the other one said, “Oh yeah? We’ll just see about that,” and got on the phone — and the rest, as they say, will be history. Horrible, destructive, preventable history, but history nonetheless.
[re=625972]Sharkey[/re]: Maybe he can be “in charge” of that Siberia shit from a comfortable HQ in London or at least Moscow/Glasgow.
Wasn’t German Khan the same guy who did those rich Corinthian leather commercials? Kinky.
In soviet russia, oil leak plugs you!
Putin is, as always, awesome. That’s what I took from this.
Is he going to trade his yacht for a prairie schooner to sail about out on the steppes of Siberia? Ooh, ooh, there could be a Blingie there!!
I hope German Khan fucks him up bad.
Poor Tony. It seems like only yesterday that Siberia meant a bad table at Le Gavroche.
Maybe the B movie sector of my brain got a little addled by the Tancredo post, but I thought Ilsa was the “She-Wolf of the SS.”
There’s a plot summary of this movie on Wikipedia, and it has given me disturbing new insights into Ken Layne’s psyche.
[re=626000]ella[/re]: Hahaha!
[re=626000]ella[/re]: Today’s Wonkette Gold Star™ winner!
That photoshop is the anti-Boehner in so many ways. Tony may lack the coloring of an Oompah Loompah and I get that you want to work the Siberia angle, but you couldn’t you put his head onto Solzhenitsyn or Sting or something?
Dang! I can’t find the Wonkette photo of Russian troops feature the ultra-sexy Russian gal, way hotter than Anna Chapman, whom I’d probably betray my country for, especially if the GOP wins take either house of Congress in November. She’s wearing a little beret, comrades, so keep your eyeballs peeled for her. Ran a week or 2 ago.
Wait, if they have karaoke in Russia that’s out of the question then. I’ll just wait until Willow Palin gets kicked out of the house for being such a little whore and pimp her to the Russian sailors who dock in Alaska.
There, done.
Just Pixels and [re=625978]Spiderfrommars[/re]: Wow, Macbeth AND Romeo and Juliet referenced in Wonkette on the same day! This is such a classy place.
This post has the beginnings of a promising novel of political intrigue. And unlike Glenn Beck’s “The Overton Window,” it won’t be chiefly inspired by Maxim magazine.
[re=626004]Rentboy.gov[/re]: Full disclosure , Mr.Limeylizzie was the Production Designer on Ilsa-She Wolf of the SS,and he has mentioned on occasion that Dyan Thorne had fantastic bosoms. So, thanks Ken for the homage.
Secret Agent Super Dragon!
This is a strange report, as the Beeb was saying that he was getting a Board position as part of his departure. One wonders if he’s getting both, and if Siberia is the one place so desolate that he can’t spoil it with lack of safety controls, lack of maintenance budget, and silencing complaints from the workers.
Look forward to reading Tony’s memoir of his experience during the Gulf Spill cleanup and his subsequent days in Siberia:
The Goo-rag Archipelago
Hey, listen up BP Hatahs!
They are makin’ it right!
They even have their own Youtoob page to prove it.
If you see any oil on a beach or in a little puddle in the street, they give you a number to call in their youtoob movies. They will be there right away to clean it up.
Simple as that.
http://www.youtube.com/BPplc
[re=626000]ella[/re]: oh snap!
Waiter!
[re=626104]slowhansolo[/re]: Tony will look great in a mask. And the super-hallucinogens will make those Siberian winters more pleasant.
[re=626122]user-of-owls[/re]: So, BP has a “facility” in “Siberia”, eh? My, they are bloody ruthless! – I wonder how extensive their “medical” “services” are out there where no one can hear Tony scream…
[re=626094]Limeylizzie[/re]: One does wonder, now that you mention it. Ilsa would have had some difficulty getting that bikini tan in Siberia, so the cover illustration must be the author.
Also, I have figured out the disparity in reports. When they initially said that Tony was getting an appointment to “the board,” they meant that he had an appointment with a board.
He rightly deserves this exile…
Advanced Colon
I want to know how these guys, solid gold assholes all, get these corporate CEO gigs in the first place. We had an interview with a prize specimen some years back, and he treated us so badly that, but for having been brought along by a colleague, i would have flung a chair at his head and walked out. Jesus, what a putz. Asking around town, we learned that this guy had *always* been a dick, career-wise. WHY do they keep hiring them? (PS, he ran that company into the ground, and the board canned him about six months later).
[re=625972]Sharkey[/re]: Well, he’ll be indoors where it’s heated, not outdoors, screwing whatever low-quality parts into place in below-freezing temps.
[re=626159]Geogre[/re]: The water board, perhaps.
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