Yes, even this dog hates Sarah Palin’s Alaska, a terrible reality show (also known as “a reality show”) that premiered last night on The Learning Channel, a channel for the willfully ignorant. Why do pets hate this show? Well, for the usual reasons someone would dislike Sarah Palin, probably. But even this, her own show, makes this woman look like a strange, awful human being.
Here are her family values on display! Even though this boy that Willow brought over recently ate lunch, she should make him some anyway, because she is a woman and there is a sizable kitchen in this house. Then, while Sarah is pecking illegible Twitter messages on the family Gateway, she tells Willow that the boy cannot go upstairs with her to her room, a parenting tactic she apparently only discovered recently. Sarah, however, is not very good at enforcing it.
You can also go here for a few more terrible clips if you want to ruin the simple pleasure of television for yourself forever. The opening credits and theme song are the entire playlist, on loop, in Hell! [YouTube]
Read More:
- Sarah Palin To Go Camping With Some Kate Woman For Teevee
- Willow, Bristol Palin Call Fellows 'Fat,' Use Gay Slur On Facebook
- A Few Vaguely Related Palin-Letterman Thoughts, And More!
- Sarah Palin's School-Aged Children Conduct Important State Business!
- Sad Bristol Palin Forced To Dance Terribly Without Her Terrible Mom
{ 183 comments }
You guys suck. It's lunchtime, so I fell for it and played the video, completing forgetting that my office has just been painted.
You could simply have watched the paint dry. It would have been more riveting.
Animals are known to warn humans about dangers before they happen — earthquakes, tsunamis, and now insane and ill-educated snowbillies who are our potential dictators.
Maybe the dog's mad because Sarah's the heinous fuck that put that sweater on him.
Hey, it's got a moose motif. What's not to love?
Damn, I was thinking along the same lines. The only thing worse than the mavericky Snow Grifter on the teevee is a fucking yappy dog in a sweater. At least the channel can be changed on the teevee thing, also, too, to get rid of the annoying racket…
1. That dog's ass is more appealing than anything on the screen of that offensive train-wreck of a show.
2. Does the Snowbilly expect "Andy" to just cold knock Brillow up right there in the living room? Seems tacky, even for that horrible turd of a human.
Ann Landers once said as long as you keep one foot on the ground ya can't get preggers.
I'm going out on a limb to suggest that Ms. Landers may not have been all that creative with the sexy time antics.
Had me thinking of ways to beat that rule, and it took about .000005sec to arrive at several solutions.
Exactly. Besides, you can't tell me Levi, even as an athlete, was able to get both of Bristol's galomphing, trunk-like stems free from gravity to plant his demon seed in her unblemished, delicate lady parts…
Strong anti-stimulus sentiment in that house.
When Sarah comes on any video screen when I am around I get shrinkage and my balls are hiding behind my stomach.
It's when she would say "hawkey mawms" that made me have epileptic seizures and I'd start peeing on the rug. So I can relate to this little dog in his Cosby sweater.
That dog eats his own stool, and Sarah's lookin' mighty tasty…
If Baby Jesus wanted us to watch Palin this way, he wouldn't have invented CGI and the Taiwanese.
Needz moar hairy dog asshole (both videos).
Man, them Palin gals got the thunder-thighs gene goin' on, even in their teens.
bless their little hearts.
And soft, plushy asses.
This is why I refuse to have anything to do with reality.
Hers is one of only two voices on my TeeVee that must be muted immediately, for fear of my glassware shattering. The original dogwhistle, as it were.
She tells Willow the boy cannot go upstairs with her to her room, but will have to wait for one of the approximately 6 other days of every week when she's out grifting and neglecting her family.
So…..she's teaching him to be patient and wait for a better opportunity to screw her daughter.
She blew him in the car later.
Earlier.
both…
The waiting is the hardest part.
hell, he didn't have to wait. snuck right upstairs while that so-called mother was gazing into her own reflection. if she'd paid about two seconds' worth of attention, she might have noticed. can you imagine this dimshit trollop being president of anything other than her own fan club?
Ugh. Bring out the hidden cameras when Levi was living there and knocking up Bristol. This scripted nonsense is a Reality NO. I'd rather watch the Spill-cam.
1) God only knows what a dog's ears pick up while Palin erupts, brays and wails. It's hard enough on dumb human ears.
2) I imagine Levi knocked up Brissy right there on the couch while Mom pondered the meaning of the 404 error on her screen. Boys only go upstairs for the afterglow nap where even cheap apartment-grade plywood doors offer something between the mouth of hell and human eardrums.
You watched? I blocked TLC on my TV at home.
TLC is going to actively pander to the wingnut, teabagger, redstate yahoo demographic. Expect more horror shows like this one.
After all, it worked so well for CNN and MSNBC.
It's a well known fact that dogs bark at other dogs they see on the teevee.
My dog was just baaaaaaaarking at the dog barking at the dog.
HAHHAAAA! Tawad called $isTa "Juicy". Ewww.
Sarah who?
I was wondering the same thing.
Also, it took a brit- a goddamned BRIT, for crissakes!- to point out that this terrible "Reality teevee show" is sort of revelatory insofar as it's painfully obvious that Snowbilly Grifter actually has no idea how to shoot or fish, despite myriad claims to the contrary.
Ah, fuck, I miss the presidency of actual badass outdoorsman Teddy Roosevelt, and his Giant Hairy MooseNutz party. Instead, we have this grifter quitter faker running for office, instead.
Eh, surprise-surprise.
George W Bush looks pretty dandy in a hat and boots, but I don't think anyone makes the mistake of thinking he could rope a steer.
He might be better at it if he could get over his deadly fear of horses. Not that I could do it either – but I'm not pretending to be a macho rancher with socks stuck down his Hanes.
According to Laura he did milk a bull.
With his mouth, no doubt…
Here's an almost Wonkettey live blog if Johnny Edge's yapping dog is too much.
Guardian's soccer live blogs (aka Minute-by-Minute reports) are also spectacularly snarky, that is, if you like your sports low-scoring and communist…
I adore any of the Guardian live-blogs they are all snark-filled and deicious…much like myself.
I hate to write anything that could be seen as a defense of Sarah Palin, but that article is idiotic. There are so many things wrong with this woman that one does not need to reach this hard. I'm hoping he was just being a silly Brit and not actually serious.
I don't know anything about slaughtering animals just cuz it's fun, but it's been clear for a while that she has no idea how to do most anything else either. No reason why she shouldn't be an embarrassing failure at this nonsense too. Also.
she knows how to fuck her way to…
well, just where the hell exactly has she fucked her way to? she's become just another stuffed trophy head mounted on a wall.
that's a fuck-up.
I suspect his alcoholic womanizing brother Kermit would have been more fun.
I think Barack Obama could kill himself some furry critters the way Teddy did (with expert help, easier access to prey animals and no press for hundreds of miles), but you don't even want to see how the wingnuts would react on both sides. Of course, he could also engage in the South Side of Chicago equivalent (non-basketball edition) but I don't think even the NRA is pro-drive by.
Not to mention the fact that it is a free political campaign.
ha, favorite quote from Levi in the Independant article…“I’ve never seen her touch a fishing pole. She had a gun in her bedroom, and one day she asked me to show her how to shoot it.” Oh sure Levi, she asked you- IN HER BEDROOM?- to show her how to shoot yer 'gun' and wanted to touch yer 'fishin' pole too? Damn these Palin bitches are just LITERALLY askin' fer it ain't they! also
Anybody who has ever shaken hands with Shrub can tell he's no rancher — or even a handball player.
The new Scott Disick?
Perhaps the dog thought he could bark loudly enough to annoy the grizzlies into eating Sarah and her clan. That dog is an American hero.
Or else he wanted someone to bring him some Jello pudding pops. It's not totally clear.
WOW what a parent. What parental brio. I've never seen such a observant parent. It shows how wily this Andy is that he is able to sneak upstairs undetected. Such skill!
It's not just pets that hate the Palin show, about half the comments on Free Republic are against it.
God Bless you I went to Free Republic once, the stupidity was strong it made my computer smell.
Which Free Republic are we talking about? The one I read was full of ecstatic comments about wonderful she is on the show, how adorable Piper is and and how everyone will now want to vote for her for President in 2012.
I'm surprised Willow didn't start screaming, What, he's supposed to feel me up on this shitty naugahide sofa??!!
Andy, the boy in the video, is actually pretty lucky: there are a lot of women in that house who would be more than happy to jerk him off.
What are you, some kind of paedophile? Piper's ten, for God's sake!
But, yes, Bristol, Sarah, & Willow are definitely fair-game. & I have said many times, Levi fathered Trig — with Sarah.
Actually, I was referring to the various animal heads hanging around the house/trailer…
Oh I am sure some one swallowed his pride.
Slow news day, I agree, here too. Still, the fact that the show got high ratings is depressingly indicative of the state of our society. What do people like? Bad food, bad reading, bad entertainment. I assume bad sex too. Fucking mediocrity!
I think there are two drivers behind the "big" numbers (1.5 percent of Americans watched). Palin fanatics who would watch her shell peas on pay-per-view, and reality-show-fans who were curious to see how bad she'd be. I anticipate the numbers will drop off sharply next week, and basically disappear after that.
I just don't want to see any more commercials for this drivel. It can't die soon enough.
Don't forget all those drinking games- one shot for a wink, two for you betcha.
Fucking mediocrity is how Todd Palin got stuck with five kids.
This is from the New Yorker's review of the show, and nothing can improve on it:
When it comes to Palin specifically, there is the fundamental problem that some of us don’t want to see or hear any more of her than we have to. And there are those whose objections have a physiological basis as well as an ideological one: the pitch and timbre of her voice, the rhythms of her speech, her syntax, and the way she coats acid and incoherence with cheery musical inflections join together in a sickening synergy that distresses the listener, triggering a fight-or-flight reaction. When Palin talks, my whole being wails, like Nancy Kerrigan after Tonya Harding’s ex-husband kneecapped her: “Why? Why? Why?”
Exactly. And can someone please explain this to whoever sells ad space on certain channels that have shows I actually want to watch, that the reason I've had to quit their channels is hearing that horrible, horrible voice on every single ad break?
Yeah, listening to Palin speak is the audio version of a kneecapping.
Just think, they could have hired virtually any celebrity, okay, any Red Meat country or gospel singer, to narrate her "book" to blunt the force of her inflections – but noooooooo, the NPD bitch just had to rid it all by hurself.
I very much enjoyed this opening from New Republic's review:
If you were a food writer and were asked to rate the best cupcakes in your town, and the top bakery was owned and operated by a self-proclaimed puppy-kicker who happened to be a virtuoso in the kitchen, would you be able to evaluate his work without bias? Would you be able to take that first bite, close your eyes, and focus only on the tango of red velvet and buttercream, ignoring the visions in your head of yelping, innocent canines flying off of decks or into furniture? That's the challenge facing any non-Sarah-Palin fan
Pure poetry.
I've always likened Sarah's speech pattern to a computer spell checker: it gets the spelling, but it misses natural, human grammar. You know, many a dull politician has been derided for being "robotic", but Sarah is the perfect example that one doesn't have to be dull and monotone to sound like a robot.
Trying to translate her sentences are God's work.
The Science Channel has been almost unwatchable with Palin yodelscreeching about how wonderful Alaska's TRANQUILITY was during every commercial break. While it was ironic, and I do love my irony, it made me beat a hasty escape back to PBS.
It is kinda cool that they managed to achieve the level of fit and finish and decoration normally seen in a doublwide trailer, in a conventional frame house. Home Depot all the way.
I watched the hyper little dog but not anything with any Palin humanoids.
That dog must have a great time when Animal Planet is on.
Needs more midgets and polygamists. And cake-decorating midget polygamists.
And a hulking and mustachioed Vietnam-era Merchant Marine veteran steel worker who saves America by building custom bikes.
You sure those aren't rejected titles for Sarah's show?
weirdly, not having trouble abstaining from this.
Well, per HuffPo 5M tuned in to watch Sarah pretend to fish/hunt/parent.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/15/sarah-pa...
I smell a whole new TLC Spring line up geared just for her fans:
–5 Simple Steps to Making Meth
–Moonshine–It's Not Just for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner Anymore
–Alaska: Making Arkansas Look Sophisticated
–Look, Ma! I'm Pregnant!
and I suspect they will remake Good Times, What's Happening & the Cosby Show with all white people in them.
"Look, Ma! I'm Pregnant!" sounds like just an alternate title for TLC's already extant "16 and Pregnant".
That's MTV. Get it right!
5MM viewers. Nielson doesn't know when television is being watch ironically.
Tits or GTFO.
You mean those runners shorts aren't doing it for ya?
I would say this show is a white trash extravaganza, but that would be an insult to white trash everywhere.
thank you for the consideration.
–dirty redneck
Skoalrebel concurs
Really trailer park residents all over America are depressed by this bullshit.
At least the contestants on The Jerry Springer Show know that they are there to be mocked and ridiculed.
I will make the former GILF a deal. I will watch her horrible show and even buy the videos if she gets out of the politics part.
If it would keep Sister Sarah out of politics forever, I'd be her personal whipping intern. I'll do my part for America's future.
presidential medals of freedom for the both of you.
Can I just have the cable box switch to the channel and watch DVD instead. That is win, I don't have to watch the show but she gets credit, and if gets out of politics it is a double win for all of Murica.
Yes. If this newest offense doesn't represent TLC jumping the shark then the channel is immune.
They can have as many sister wife dwarfs with 18 kids that didn't know they were pregnant (again) while they baked cakes, built custom bikes and designed clothing as they want and there is nothing that can stop them. God Help Us All.
Now that they've abandoned all pretense to helping with Learning, TLC needs a new "L" for their acronym. "Losers" is the first possibility to come to mind, but that seems insulting to losers everywhere.
"Lemming" seems appropriate…
TLC stands for "The Leering Channel".
Trig Likee Channel.
Delightfully mean.
I suggest a drinking game for Sarah's new show. Anytime someone gets knocked up, chug a beer. You'll be hammered in no time.
I kind of like her show. It's a reminder that no matter how shitty a parent I am, there's always someone worse.
(disclosure: These 2 videos are all I've seen of her show, and all I will ever see of her show, but I can still show them to my kids when they complain about what a dick I'm being on any given day)
The "at least I'm not THAT stupid" theme is why half the people in America watch these "reality" programs.
Hush! You're ruining my sense of superiority here.
Sarah Who?
Yeah, yeah, I know. But don't you wish it were like that still? Every once in a while I look back fondly at the memories of a time when the Snowbilly clan was unbeknown to me, when they didn't drip from every media teat and orifice like influenza-tainted albumen.
Maybe one day we will forget…
"drip[ping] from every media teat and orifice /
like influenza-tainted albumen"
That is some Maya Angelou shit right there. Beautiful~
Nevar Fergitt!
But, really, I want to go back to the day when "Sarah Palin" was nothing more than Craig Ferguson's crush.
White trash imposing a "no shoes in the house to save wear on the carpet" rule? Check.
Moose crap is a very difficult stain to remove from white trash plush carpeting. Don't ask me how I know this.
Is it plush, I thought it would be shag, there is no way I would know as I wouldn't watch.
Slag carpeting?
The Learning Channel has been replaced by TLC.
TLC stands for "Trig Locked in Cellar."
or TLC = the Truculent Lunatic Channel
I guess they finally had to admit that no actual learning was going on, and that the name was therefore a gigantic misnomer. I suppose instead they could start calling it "The Stupefaction Channel".
On the other hand, with the exceptions of Comedy Central and occasionally MSNBC, they're pretty much all "the stupefaction channel."
It's sort of like changing "Kentucky Fried Chicken" to KFC, except that the chickenmongers were trying to hide the unhealthy implications of "fried," while TLC is trying to hide the fact that the "learning" has been completely deleted. They might as well announce, "NOW 100% INFORMATION-FREE!"
IFC can be pretty good as well. Also
If there were any justice in this world, the series would end with a shot of Werner Herzog listening to a piece of audiotape and telling some Wasilla residents that they must "never leesten to eet, you must deestroy eet eMEEdiately."
The bear took one bite and then ran away upright with his paws over his ears.
The petulant "Moooooom!" from Willow speaks volumes. Like, "Bitch, please stop performing for the cameras! You know Andy practically lives here."
You got that feeling, too? I was like, "If Mama Grizzly done said no, then why the fuck is that boy scaling the Gates of Udûn?"
probably because he left his wallet on the nightstand.
Even through the TV screen, Oscar smells a bitch.
Sarah Palin doing Reality TV? I guess I'm the only one who's kind of happy for her, 'cause it looks as though she's finally found her calling in life. Really. She was made to do this.
Has anyone gotten any e-mails or other contacts regarding the "boycott" effort. My fellow libruls, what a stupid response to this stupid woman's stupid fame. Let her have all the exposure she can get. Let her burnish off her own luster. Let her have some more rope.
Agreed. A boycott of her show or advertisers will only feed her ego and encourage her minions.
Did anyone ask what the stuffed moose or deer or whatever it is thinks about Willow's chastity? The cinematographer seemed awfully interested in that topic.
RhINOs hate the show too.
The only episode I will watch of this show is the one where Willow announces that she didn't listen to that abstinence nonsense either and will soon give Sarah the blessed gift of another grandchild. Or one of the kids or Todd runs her over with a snow machine. That would be good too.
A grandchild's OK, as long as they don't use any of that sinful birth control they're still obeying god (and making sure the sluts get what's coming to them).
Shouldn't the equal time election laws force TLC to offer up other potential 2012 candidates their own shows? Stay tuned for "Mitt Romney Hates Massachusetts", "Minnesota Bridge Inspection With Tim Pawlenty", "Ron Paul Delivers Teenage Mothers' Babies", and "Mike Huckabee's Down-Home Squirrel Cook-Off".
Please post this comment again so I can thumb-it-up again.
And assuming Barry doesn't take the WaPo advice to go lame-duck right now, he'll need a show too: "Congressional Negotiations w/Barack Obama."
Ron Paul will deliver Willow's kid?
That boy ate lots of squirrel to get to be the size he was.
I will tune into TLC when Ow My Balls! comes on.
That was on MTV about a decade or so ago; they just released the third movie based on it, appropriately enough in 3D.
You're sadly mistaken if you think Ron Paul is going to be delivering any bastards of teenaged mothers.
Silly SorosBot, Ron Paul doesn't accept Medicare.
Equal time laws have been struck down because they are unfair to our lizard overlords.
The cinema verité of that 1:20 clip is Hitchcockian.
The "no shoe" rule is in effect.
Palin alternates between "good" mom and hypercritical mom.
Willow is ovulating.
The way she partially closes the door in a "come hither" manner. She's sitting on a towel.
Haha, Palin revisits the part where Levi is fucking the bones out of Bristle.
"It's a little bit late to do the right thing now"
Andy is the cutest boy in town. (A la Bobby Brown)
The pizzicato music — upbeat in a maudlin, nauseous kind of way.
Palin pushes around some papers to look important, but goes to the Blackberry.
You don't think this little escapade was scripted do you?
There's a moose head on the white wall people.!!
The worst quickie ever. Especially with the freshly minted tent pole on the way back down. Did she even have time to tongue punch Andy's fart box?
La Fin
Very nice. A thumb for you, more if it were only possible for the tongue-punch commemorative.
Andy is the cutest boy in town.
Only because they couldn't find a photogenic bull moose.
Yes, the pizzicato strings of whimsy… The reality shows drag this old chestnut out so many times that I don't even need to watch to know that someone is doing something cute.
But it was too late! By the time Sarah had figured out what that middle number between "One" and "Three" is, Willow was already four months pregnant.
Has anyone ever heard the shrill screech Palin calls a voice and NOT wanted to howl and cry? You can't blame the pets for doing what we all want to do.
What America means to me: A dog on a bed wearing a sweater, barking at bears on television while being videotaped by its (possibly bedridden) owner.
You think dogs hate this program? Imagine how turkeys feel.
As a parent let me say this…If it was my house, Andy would've been on thin ice the second he said he didn't trust my food. Sneaking upstairs? You can text her from your own house, dickwad. And then I'd go upstairs to yell at Willow.
Or just throw him a condom on his way up.
The dog just wants to hump Todd's leg.
The dog should be careful cause Todd may hump him back.
Ha! This was shot after the decorator finished. This A-fucking-laska, that is to say Real AMERICA, not some Jew-York co-op with pre-war woodwork.
I can't believe that she actually let us see that boys try to go up stairs with her daughter, and with her there. I can't believe she thought that was a good mom segment.
Is Willow old enough to breed? Will Trig have a playmate soon?
What's that Lassie?
Timmy fell down the well?
No?
Oh, we are all stuck in Hell.
Gah.
I can't wait for that very very special series finale with the flight accident over Kobuk valley nat'l park. Yeah, there is no funny, only pure hate running cold through my little shriveled libral heart.
Maybe it could be like Alive where they have to eat the frozen Trig to survive. Emblematic of the necrophiliac "body of Christ" thing. Now that is something I'd watch.
They could move the show to SciFi , "Christomethamoose".
Start up the first video on the Gawker page, (the rock-climbing one), but just listen to the audio instead of watching it. This is the sound of Todd-on-Sarah lovemaking. How is it possible to maintain an erection within a 10 yard radius of this bitch's voice?
Three words: Beluga whale blubber.
It's like viagra+cialis+levitra x 1000 . All women look like naked Christina Hendricks.
Goddamit now I have to go listen to that fucking clip.
I didn't know they made a TV show out of Kill, Marry, Fuck.
Sounds like a great Peaches song title.
This would imply that Sarah can't do something which will never do.
This Sarah Palin reality show makes "The Jersey Shore" look like the Algonquin round table.
Now you got my own two dogs hating Sarah Palin, and they don't even wear sweaters.
I didn't realize that "abstinence only" required the parents to do the abstaining for the kids.
What the fuck is the poor boy getting out of dating Palinspawn and being on national television for it? It's obviously not sex, so what, a free lifetime's supply of meth?
…and THAT'S how another little Palin retard baby is 'conceived'…or is it $carah who get's knocked up, AGAIN? Stay tuned for next weeks show!
Oh, this is fun….
Lisa Murkowski explains why Sarah Palin wouldn't be a good president.
Oh no she dih danntt!!
You know Sarah's looking up "acrimonious" as we speak.
In double blind hearing tests dogs prefer weighted sneakers dragged across a tile floor to Sarah Palin's voice fifty to one. The one who preferred Palin was found to be deaf.
That was so awful that I felt some sympathy for that family. I know, rape kits and death panels.
The rock climbing bit is weirdly hilarious. She's the last person you'd want on a hike in a local park, never mind her braying about barely getting higher than a stop sign.
Anyone else ever tickled by the fact that Track — when he's ever been visible, at all — seems nearly unable to conceal his brooding contempt for his parents? He looks permanently damaged. Between watching his mother grift 'round the world and put his dad in his place, and having to watch his sister shake what his momma gave her on national television, he must be in hell most of his days.
Interesting. It seems to be a house where there are no books, magazines or newspapers left out in the open where they could accidentally hurt passersby.
how can you take in to consideration a creatures opinion that licks its own butt?
oh wait…
Today, we are all dogs with sweaters.
Oh, this burns, if it's true, I'm unsure of the source, but it says People magazine bumped Palin from the cover at the last minute for Kim Kardashian. http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/entertainment...
Both somehow are celebrities despite never accomplishing anything in their lives, but just because the media tells us they're famous, so they kind of belong together.
True, but I'm hoping it means the even trashier Kardashian is more popular. Sad that that's true, and that I even care.
Since you brought up the Kardashians, I'm going to inflict you with a bit of information that refuses to be dislodged from my cerebellum — the (step)father of the brood is Bruce Fucking Jenner.
Good to hear they're still working tirelessly in their efforts to bring us the latest in-depth coverage of stuff that no lucid person could give a shit about. It must have been a tough call between the Palins, the Kardashians, and a bag of used cat litter.
"This Week: Find out who you don't even want to look at while waiting for a haircut!"
Sadly enough, Kim Kardashian is probably more qualified for public office than Bible Spice.
The piercing shrieks and squawks of the Palins are a defense mechanism that is naturally harmful to the ears of all mammals.
See, you can learn a great deal from TLC. I approve their use of "awkwardness music" in this sequence too, also.
palin was made for wonkette
more so than dr ron ever was
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