Donald Trump Thought Presidenting Would Be Easy As Grabbing This Pussy

FAKE NEWS

We began our week with Donald Trump giving an interview to the Associated Press, which was SHOCK AND AWE! because of the sheer number of insane things the AP got Trump to say. Thursday, on the eve of Trump's 100th day in office, Reuters looked at the AP and said, "WE'RE GONNA INTERVIEW HIM NOW, HOLD OUR BEER." And oh boy, have we got some live quotes! 

Yr Doktor Zoom has already told you about how Trump, in the middle of saying sorta sane words about North Korea, all of a sudden prematurely ejaculated that maybe we might do a great big GO BOOM! contest with North Korea, something that's sure to go over well with the regime. That sure was somethin'. In this post, we will focus on the part of the interview where Trump said he really truly honestly for real thought being president would be the easiest, and now he's finding out it's not the easiest, because WHOA, there are so many things to learn and so many things to do! He probably wouldn't have stuck his foot up his own butt and ate it with his North Korea comments if presidenting wasn't so haaaaaaaaaaaaard.

Check it:

I love my previous life. I love my previous life. I had so many things going. I actually ... this is more work than in my previous life.

I thought it would be easier. I thought it was more of a ...

MORE OF A WHAT?

I'm a details-oriented person, I think you would say that. But I do miss my old life. This -- I like to work, so that's not a problem, but this is actually more work.

NO SHIT?

From Reuters's report on the interview:

"You're really into your own little cocoon, because you have such massive protection that you really can't go anywhere," he said. [...]

He said he missed being behind the wheel himself.

"I like to drive," he said. "I can't drive any more."

REALLY? BEEP BEEP?

Was Donald John Trump, 45th president of the United States, a 70-year-old man who has lived through and presumably been aware of approximately one million American presidents in his old balls life, REALLY completely unaware that being president is hard?

And was he also unaware that the president for real can't get behind the wheel of his PT Cruiser and go through the White Castle at 4: 00 AM after a particularly rowdy night of tweeting?

We have watched Trump learn many brand new things on the fly over the past 100yearsdays. Off the top of our head:

• That time he said, "Nobody knew healthcare could be so complicated." (EVERYONE KNOWS HEALTHCARE IS COMPLICATED, DICKWAD.)

• That time he was like, "Nobody ever knew Abraham Lincoln was a Republican." (EVERYONE KNOWS ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS A REPUBLICAN, ASSFACE.)

• That time he learned North Korea 4 Dummies, because the president of China talked to him about it for ten minutes.

• That time he was like "I am going to murder NAFTA," but then Justin Trudeau whispered French sexxx words in his ear for ten minutes and then he decided he wouldn't murder NAFTA.

• That time he was like "STAIRS IS THE MOST SCARIEST OF ALL," but then he took the stairs and found out they were OK. Just kidding, he is still a pussy about stairs.

OK so fine, he's on a learning curve here, because first of all, he's never been in government, and second of all, he's lived his entire life without ever reading a book or paying attention to anything that wasn't either gold-plated or a scantily clad pageant contestant.

BUT REALLY? THE FUCK?

Donald Trump spent his campaign talking about how easy presidenting would be, because he is perfect and wonderful and brilliant, and he's the only one who can fix all these things. On some level, we think he actually believed this, because he is a salesperson, and he was projecting the image he wanted everyone to see. Deep down, Trump is likely consumed by grievous self-hatred and doubt, but the icing on his cake, the person he shows to the world, is a guy who is uniquely qualified to fix EVERYTHING, because he's so "good at business," you see.

BUT FOR REAL? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING US RIGHT NOW?

Wonkette must end this post before our splodey head starts sploding everywhere.

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[ Reuters ]