A Lawsplainer Of Roy Moore Lawyer Trent Garmon's Letter What Makes Threats Real Gooder And Such Like

Look, we're not trying to spam you with stories about Roy Moore. Every hour another nasty, horrible thing breaks and another Republican quit-fires himself from Team Moore. We're pretty sure this is heading for a deeply disturbing crescendo about which there will be NO JOKES. Even Hannity noped out last night, so you know shit's about to hit the fan.

But before this thing lights up the sky and irradiates the Bible Belt, let's all have a belly laugh at Roy Moore's idiot lawyer Trent Garmon. You may remember him from media appearances with Don Lemon Squeezy Keep It Easy and Ali "Muslim Childbride" Velshi. Stick with Roy, Trent! He'll make you a star!

Garmon is a personal injury lawyer, whose First Amendment practice is largely confined to barfing out homophobic hottakes on YouTube.

Yesterday Garmon sent a cease and desist letter to AL.com demanding that they stop saying all those mean things about Roy Moore OR ELSE. Then he leaked it to wingnut loudmouth Steve Deace, who shouted to the howler monkey brigade that finally , Moore was going to sue those dirty media libruls for smearing his good name.

BREAKING:  @MooreSenate initiates first legal action against media for defamation. Actual letter here:  https: //t.co/BaMUaRckPF 

— Steve Deace (@SteveDeaceShow) November 15, 2017 

Sentient persons will note that a nasty letter is not a lawsuit, but that's about the least crazy thing Deace said last night. Feel free to shimmy down that rabbit hole yourself. Spoiler Alert:  He's sticking with Roy to spite Mitch McConnell. 

These people hate us more than the Left. They’re why I’m no longer a Republican, not Trump. I just don’t think Trump is the solution, or if he is then the disease is incurable and best to leave the dead to die and/or not play with downed power lines but run away. Frankly, I think the party deserves a cruel death for all the voters like myself its lied to and betrayed for so many years (and continues to). And if I had the power to drop the guillotine on it myself, I’d raise the black flag and do it proudly without the black mask. I’d be proud to claim that kill and call it justice.

Well, good to know you're not a lunatic, dude!

But back to Garmon, who was perhaps unprepared for his close up. Although legal Twitter greatly appreciates the giggles this morning!

Did anyone read this before it went out? pic.twitter.com/9zGlP9Yq3b 

— David Ziff (@djsziff) November 15, 2017 

Okay, I should probably get back to my actual editing work.... pic.twitter.com/d3ERLfNIc5 

— David Ziff (@djsziff) November 15, 2017 

I mean, I've come this far.... pic.twitter.com/hUnzrff4NV 

— David Ziff (@djsziff) November 15, 2017 

I have some questions. /fin pic.twitter.com/fN3gPE9IYK 

— David Ziff (@djsziff) November 15, 2017 

He's broken us. We have nothing to add. Well, except that literally no practicing attorney signs his name "JD, MA." Once you pass the bar exam, you write, "Real Adult Lawyer, Esq." If he could just have signed his letter like a normal person, AL.com would surely have printed that retraction already! OR ... NOT.

Anyway, let's check out Perry Mason's website to see if he has anything to add.

PTL, he played a lot of football, so HE PROLLY AIN'T NO QUEER! No wonder Roy Moore hired him.

STOP IT, BRO! YOU'RE KILLING US!

Good lord. Anything else? Maybe we should check with our friend Mr. Google.

Who coulda seen that one coming???

The Alabama Lawyer reports that Garmon had his license suspended for 91 days back in 2014. pic.twitter.com/TQQOTu3wfH 

— Chris Geidner (@chrisgeidner) November 15, 2017 

Within one or two days following funeral services for a 13-year-old child who was killed in an automobile accident, Garmon called the child's home identifying himself as a "pastor and attorney." [...] Garmon also made subsequent calls to the mother of the child stating that he had talked to her husband about their legal issues and wanted to set up a meeting.

 He seems nice. A fine lawyer, and a fine Christian. It's a damn shame that this guy's going to wind up sucked into the vortex of whatever horrorshow fireball engulfs Roy Moore and his campaign. Watch out Trent! The guy with the glasses is always the one that goes down first! (BUT NOT IN A GAY WAY, OF COURSE. Although, now that you mention it ... )

[ Cease and Desist Letter via Steve Deace FB / LiddonLaw.com ]

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