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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


As Trump's shutdown enters day 31, Trump is attempting to gaslight congressional Democrats with promises of temporary extension of DACA and TPS for immigrants. On Saturday, Trump made a hollow proposal to reopen the government that was immediately rejected by Democrats, while the conservative echo chamber fell into rabid frenzy over the thought of amnesty. Trump then spent all day Sunday shitposting about Nancy Pelosi and his damn wall. Tomorrow, Sen. Mitch McConnell will emerge from his spider hole and peddle a half-assed bill for Trump's wall that includes funding disaster relief so that they shame people who hate freedom, and police states, or whatever.

In response to that disputed Buzzfeed story about Trump telling Michael Cohen to lie to congress about his plans for a trash palace in Moscow, Rudy Giuliani moved Trump's collusion goalposts (AGAIN) this weekend. Appearing on CNN, a seemingly sober Giuliani told Jake Tapper, "Do not think that just because [Michael Cohen] pleaded guilty to something that Michael Cohen's telling the truth." He then stumbled over to "Meet the Press," where Giuliani blurted out Trump was planning his project all the way through the election, but he never told Michael Cohen to lie, and it doesn't matter if he did since obstruction requires some kind of threat like, "if you don't go easy on Flynn, I'll break 'ya knee caps."

Mike Pence descended from his holier-than-thou pedestal to appear on "Face the Nation" and squeeze out some crocodile tears for all the federal federal workers he's robbing, and the Mexican babies he's helping keep behind bars by dragging ass across the grave of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Pence bastardized MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech and tried suggest it was exactly like Trump's limp legislative olive branch to reopen the government, because just don't think about it too hard. Pence then went on Fox News and got yelled at by Chris Wallace who wanted to know why Trump refuses to reopen the government over his goddamn wall. [Transcript]

Trump's White House
hasn't scheduled any events to honor the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. Were not sure if this is because it's a federal holiday, the government is closed, he'd rather celebrate "Robert E. Lee Day," or if it's because he intends to stay in bed shitposting, like he did ALL DAY yesterday.

Early this morning, California Democratic Sen. Kamala Harris announced her 2020 candidacy. Harris will reportedly base her campaign out of Baltimore, MD, with a second office in her hometown of Oakland, CA, with a campaign theme, "For the People." Did you know that Yr Wonkette makes our own kickass Kamala 2020 t-shirts, mugs, totes, and stickers? IT'S TRUE! They're even printed right here in #Merica!

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand spent the weekend telling people she's evolved since her days as a Blue Dog Democrat from Albany, New York, echoing positions from Democratic 2020 contenders, and stressing her political experience. In an appearance on CNN, Gillibrand told Jake Tapper that some of her positions "certainly weren't empathetic and they were not kind and I did not think about suffering in other people's lives." OK, Democrats believe in evolution, huh?

Hawaii Democratic congresswoman and 2020 candidate Tulsi Gabbard spent the weekend apologizing for spending over a decade being a conservative asshole to the LGBT community, but she's refusing to apologize for fawning all over Syrian dictator President Bashar al Assad. In 2016 Gabbard secretly met with Assad, then spent months vomiting up the regime's disgusting bullshit justifying murdering Kurdish rebels and Syrian civilians. A year later, Gabbard publicly doubted Assad's use of chemical weapons on innocent children in Syria. Gabbard also went on CNN to blame Democrats for Trump's shutdown. She seems nice.

Stacey Abrams's 2020 plans MIGHT be changing after meeting with Democratic leadership. WaPo reports that Abrams could be making a run at Republican Sen. David Perdue, or planting the seeds for another run against Republican Gov. Brian Kemp in 2022. When asked about her plans, Abrams told reporters, "It is easy to run for office because an office is available but that is not my approach. My goal is to be the person who has the right skills and capacity to do the work, and that the work I want to do creates the change I want to see."

Super rich former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is channeling the spirit of Ross Perot and thinking about jumping in the 2020 race as a third-party candidate. Like other potential Scrooge McDuck candidates, Schultz hates the idea of universal healthcare and guaranteed government jobs, and thinks what America needs most are more rich white guys running things. But who will be his Admiral Stockdale? And will that person know why they're there?

Axios gossips that a number of red-state freshman Democrats are backing off calls to "impeach the mother fucker" because they worry Trump and Republicans will use impeachment as a 2020 attack issue to distract people in flyover country from all the ways they've been screwed over the last few years. If you're interested, Alayna Treene has a spreadsheet of who stands where, and what they're telling their local newspapers.

Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-New York) is concerned the Republican party has too many rich, geriatric white guys, so Rep. Stefanik is trying to convince all the single (white) ladies to join a party that has historically believed a woman's place is in the kitchen or the bedroom.

A federal judge in Missouri ruled against two lesbians trying to get an apartment in a retirement home because their marriage isn't "understood in the Bible." The two had attempted to move into the facility because it was "in their community [and] they have friends there," but the gay-hating old people's prison officials said Jesus didn't want any carpet munching plaid shirt aficionados gaying up the place.

Across the pond, national security mustache John Bolton is hoping for a "hard Brexit" that could endanger the lives of millions of commoners and EU citizens.

FUN FACT: WaPo notes that Trump has made 8,158 "false or misleading claims" in his first two years in office, with over 6,000 coming in the last year alone. That's about 16.5 "false or misleading claims" per day. We call them lies, but whatever.

Edelman Intelligence, a fancy pants research and marketing company, polled a bunch of people about CEOs and found a lot of people are under the impression that only CEOs can save us from the CEO-controlled shit show that has strangled public policy over the past 30 years. Who says advertising doesn't work?

It wasn't the leftover booze lingering in your liver causing you to hallucinate Sunday morning; a number of Sunday shows looked very different because an electrical fire at the studio forced Fox News and MSNBC to tape some of their shows from backup sets elsewhere. It's like when Captain Picard and Mr. Data decamped to the "battle bridge"! Thankfully, nothing but the memory of MLK was hurt.

SNL's cold open poked fun at the government shutdown by putting Alec Baldwin's Trump in the only situation he seems to understand: a TV game show where he's surrounded by women.

And here's your morning Nice Time! IT'S RICHARD, the painting sun conure!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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