'No Cave!' Wonkagenda For Tues., Jan. 22, 2019

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Trump's shutdown is entering Day 32, but Senate Republicans have no interest in reopening the government. Later today Republicans will introduce the "End The Shutdown And Secure The Border Act," which would add $12.7 billion for disaster relief and $5.7 for Trump's goddamn wall, and offer temporary protection for deportation for some immigrants. The bill is already being panned by Democrats and has no chance of passing, so Mitch McConnell hasn't even bothered to schedule a vote (yet), though the WSJ notes one could come as soon as Thursday. This morning Trump started shitposting about THE DOSSIER, and blaming Democrats for his shutdown, stating, "No Cave!" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The sick-out of TSA agents hit a record 10 percent on Sunday, leading to long lines at smaller airports. TSA officials say that everything is fine, but transportation officials and security experts are cautioning that things will only get worse, telling WaPo it's only a matter of time before someone gets hurt. #MAGA

Pencil pushers in Not America are staring at their panic buttons as Trump's shutdown beings to drag on the global economy. Yesterday China reported its slowest growth in almost 30 years, while the IMF slashed its growth projections in Europe. As the super rich head to Davos to hobnob with CEOs, politicos, and math geeks, many worry about a bleak economic future.

Republicans have cut a deal with Trump to create a rival to Act Blue, the Democratic fundraising platform that helped flip the House in 2018, according to Politico. The new venture will be called Patriot Pass (natch) and will fold RNC voter data into Trump's existing donation platform. We're sure it will be very legal and very cool.

MLK Day speeches for likely Democratic 2020 candidates veered into wildly different directions yesterday. Joe Biden apologized for his wack crack attacks in the 1980s and 1990s, Bernie Sanders called Trump a racist, and Cory Booker gave an impassioned speech that echoed Dr. King's 1967 "Where Do We Go From Here" address.

Hawaii state Sen. Kai Kahele has announced a primary challenge to Rep. Tulsi Gabbard in 2020. The Hawaii Star Advertiser reports that Gabbard has refused to say whether or not she'll try to keep her House seat should she miserably fail to secure the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination. It couldn't happen to a nicer person.

Flyover country and Small Town Merica really don't like police body cameras. City officials say the programs are too expensive, and add that activists are concerned about privacy protections in cases involving domestic violence and undocumented immigrants, a convenient argument if you're worried about shady cops making unlawful arrests.

Theresa May's hastily assembled new Brexit plan looks a lot like her old Brexit plan, so much so that liberal Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn commented, "This really does feel a bit like 'Groundhog Day.'" May is now rejecting growing support for a second referendum, or a hard "no deal" Brexit. The EU is now warning the UK that any delay in Brexit could plunge the financial system into further chaos, telling MPs to shit or get off the EU's pot.

Russia is throwing tantrums over the latest round of sanctions from the EU. Lucky for them, the Trump administration kind of just let Russian mobsteroligarch Oleg Deripaska avoid US sanctions.

An audio tape released by Putin's chief antagonist, Aleksei Navalny, seems to show Deripaska planning to arrest Anastasia Vasyukevich aka Nastya Rybka, a Belarusian model and former mistress of Deripaska claiming to have evidence of Trump-Russia fuckery in the 2016 election. WOAH, if true!

An imprisoned Iraqi scientist tells WaPo that he helped ISIS make chemical weapons. The program has stalled, but foreign policy nerds are warning that the information is still floating around the dark corners of the interwebs, and in the heads of mad scientists. Good thing we defeated ISIS, right?

The Navy SEALS may be ditching the desert and heading to Hawaii, according to new reporting from the military press, as the Navy grows more concerned with the potential for large scale naval war in the South China Sea. However, considering the rising reports of drug use and war crimes charges, it's entirely possible they're all going to rehab.

Amy Winehouse - Rehabwww.youtube.com

The WSJ reports that the US and North Korea have been secretly talking for a decade, and that Trump simply capitalized on a relationship between the CIA and Pyongyang that was started during the Obama administration. Once again Trump is stealing credit from the black guy.

The rightwing echo chamber can't decide who to blame for Trump's shutdown. Tomi Lahren thinks this is all Cardi B's fault, complaining from her internet-only safe space that the musician and AOC are the root cause after she was ratioed over the weekend. Meanwhile, Jesse Watters is blaming the liberal lamestream media who refuse to give President Dealy McBurgerson a chance.

Sporting a laughably absurd pubic beard (like Ted Cruz!), DJTJ went on Laura Ingraham to moan and wail and mock Buzzfeed's sketchy reporting that his daddy told Michael Cohen to lie to Congress, likening it to that MAGA kid being an asshole to Native Americans.

New reporting suggests those little MAGA assholes harassing a 65-year-old Native American at the Indigenous People's March in DC were reacting to DC's resident obnoxious hatemongers, the Black Hebrew Israelites, which apparently makes it okay. The precious little snowflakes are now crying about being victims, and threatening to sue media outlets for ignoring the hate group. And the media is believing it over its own lying eyes.

Rudy Giuliani walked back his (ALLEGEDLY) drunken ranting on the Sunday shows in a statement that says his blithering was only "hypothetical," adding that the Trump Tower Moscow deal being hashed out during the 2016 campaign was "in the earliest stage and did not advance beyond a free non-binding letter of intent." This led George Conway to quip on Twitter, "Translation: I just made shit up."

The New Yorker has a BAT SHIT interview with Rudy where he says he doesn't care if his gravestone says "He lied for Trump" because he'll be dead, and he figures he "can explain it to Saint Peter."

Gizmodo's Matt Novak noticed that Trump's obsession with his obesity and baby fingers has stretched to his various social media pages. Novak noticed that Trump's social media team (likely Jared Kushner and Brad Parscale) has been Photoshopping Trump's hands to look bigger, smoothing out his double chins, and performing black magic to make his fat ass thinner.

Another day, another tell-all from a fallen Trump minion. In a new book, former Trump White House advisor Cliff Sims hilariously gossips about Trump screaming at Paul Ryan over loyalty and his disinterest in TrumpCare, John Kelly's yearning to be "You're Fired," the Mooch's hunt for LEAKERS, and even Trump's extra hold Tresemmé Tres Two hair spray! Sims goes on to describe the Mooch as a "fire-breathing dragon that had just returned from laying waste to the unsuspecting peasants in the village," and calls Kellyanne Conway, "the American Sniper of West Wing marksmen." LOLOLOLOL

You probably need to change your passwords after a massive 773 million unique email address and 21 million passwords were collected and posted online. What's being called the "Collection 1" data breach seems to be only the first of such large caches, according to Brian Krebs, who further reports that almost a Terabyte of stolen and hacked passwords are waiting for be put on the auction block. If you're concerned, definitely check out HaveIBeenPwned.com, and consider subscribing to a password manager like LastPass or 1password, enabling two factor authentication, and using a physical security key.

Photographer and video journalist Mohamed Ben Khalifa was killed in Libya on Saturday. Ben Khalifa covered conflicts throughout Africa and the Middle East, capturing powerful images of terrorists, rebels, refugees, and the dead. He is survived by his wife Lamya, and their 7-month-old daughter, Rayan.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Super hot Australian critters! It's summer down under!

Cutest Aussie Animals cool off during Australian Summerwww.youtube.com

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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