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GET OUUUUUUUUT. Wonkagenda For Tues., April 23, 2019

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi held a conference call with House Democrats about impeaching Trump. Roll Call gossips that Pelosi is urging Democrats not to go crazy with calls for impeachment, with the chairs of most committees agreeing to follow an investigative process that starts with House Judiciary chairman Jerry Nadler's subpoenas for former White House counsel Don McGahn, and calls for testimony from Attorney General William Bar and Special Counsel Robert Mueller. A number of House Democrats said, "Fuck that noise," arguing that we should impeach the motherfucker now. Last night 2020 Democratic candidates Sen. Kamala Harris and Sen. Elizabeth Warren stated that, while it's unlikely to make it through the Senate, the House should do some flexing and start the process. [AND THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE T-SHIRTS.]

CNN hosted a marathon of back-to-back-to-back town halls last night featuring Senators Amy Klobuchar, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, and Mayor Pete Buttigieg of South Bend, Indiana. The 2020 candidates mostly drove home similar policies with a few key differences on voting rights for felons, impeaching Trump, getting "Hillary'd" (that's ... a word?), and student debt. Most of the candidates took the time to take some cheap shots at their rivals (and Trump), while others stumbled head first into well-intentioned gaffes.

During her town hall, Sen. Kamala Harris announced she would take executive action on gun control within her first 100 days if she were elected and Congress couldn't get its shit together. Harris's plan includes universal background checks, closing the "boyfriend loophole," and repealing a law that protects gun dealers and manufacturers from lawsuits by victims. Harris said, "There are people in Washington DC, supposed leaders, who have failed to have the courage to reject a false choice which says you're either in favor of the Second Amendment or you want to take everyone's guns away."

Now that Herman Cain has shucky duckied his ass out of consideration for a seat on the Fed board -- because of the "pay cut" -- Trump's other TV economist tapped for the Fed, Stephen Moore, is facing considerable backlash over columns bitching about women who want equal pay, treatment, and fairness in the workplace. Beginning in 2000, Moore wrote about women demanding "equal pay for inferior work," and called to bar women from college sportsball, going so far as to say it's "un-American" to have women referees, announcers, and beer vendors unless they're blonde, busty bimbos in halter tops. He seems nice.

White House Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney told Carl Kline not to testify to the House Oversight Committee about all those security clearances he passed out like candy. Kline's lawyers say there are "legitimate legislative questions."

Sen. Bernie Sanders is calling on his supporters to pressure Congress to override Trump's veto on a joint resolution to end US support for the Saudi-led war in Yemen, but the GOP is just throwing those letters in the trash.

Axios gossips that Joe Biden is expected to announce #HesRunning either tomorrow or Thursday. Some advisors whisper he'll come out swinging with a message about the "climate of the nation," and, "it'll sound like "a third Obama term, a second Hilary term — take your pick." According to Politico, Biden has been busy courting big labor unions and calling donors ahead of his expected 2020 rollout -- HOWEVER, the Philadelphia Inquirer cites two aides saying Biden hasn't pulled the trigger (yet), and notes that some rather important paperwork has yet to be filed.

Here's a rather ugly graph about where political ad dollars are going (if you're into that sort of stuff). Hot Take: Trump's already flushed over $8 million down the internet toilet since the 2018 midterms.

Washington state Republican Senator Maureen Walsh is SUPER sorry she called nurses lazy SOBs who sit on their asses playing cards. Walsh says she was "tired." Just imagine how tired she'd be after a 12-hour shift juggling lives and logistics without a pee break.

Two Pulitzer Prize-winning Reuters reporters investigating the massacre of Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar lost an appeal and will rot in jail for the next seven years. The reporters argue the government set them up by planting government documents on them.

A federal appeals court has denied Chelsea Manning's bid to be released from prison due because she still won't comply with a subpoena to testify about Julian Assange.

Thirty-one people caught up in Cindy Yang's old hand job factory are suing to force Florida authorities to destroy the video evidence that allegedly shows people like Robert Kraft paid money for sex. According to a federal class-action suit, the people say the cops illegally videotaped them getting actual back rubs in their effort to find rich old dudes who wanted their genitals massaged. UPDATE: Our apologies to Ms. Yang, who had sold the massage parlor in question long before authorities arrested Robert Kraft and others for soliciting sex. The Miami Herald reports Yang still owns other massage parlors where sex is allegedly offered, but not this one, and our use of "old" was an unclear modifier.

And here's your morning Nice Time: SPACE TURTLE!

Turtle Travels Through Desert | Earth From Space | BBC Earth www.youtube.com

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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