Read Mnuchin's Lips: No Trump Taxes. Wonkagenda For Tues., May 7, 2019

Read Mnuchin's Lips: No Trump Taxes. Wonkagenda For Tues., May 7, 2019

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Former federal prosecutors banded together to write Bill Barr and Donald Trump a nastygram. Yesterday it was 500 of them; we assume it's up to All Of Them Katie by now.

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin told House Democrats that the Justice Department says he can't release Trump's tax returns because it would be against the law (it's not) unless there's a "legitimate legislative purpose." Now we're going to have to send in a bunch of lawyers to lawsplain the law to Trump officials who think laws and rules don't apply to them.

Trump scared the hell out of his TV lawyers
after he spent the weekend shitposting and demanding Robert Mueller not testify before Congress. Legal nerds think that IF Trump tries to block Mueller from testifying, it would force a test on the limits of executive privilege, and Crom knows old white guys love their privilege.

After financial markets went on another roller coaster ride yesterday, trade war talks between Trump idiots and Chinese negotiators are back on. Trump World had accused the Chinese of "reneging" on earlier agreements that Not American nerds never believed were serious concessions from the Chinese.

Steve Bannon stopped playing with his Red Bull-soaked whiskey dick for five minutes to write an eyerolling op-ed in WaPo about China being a hegemonic power that rapes Rust Belt babies and steals iPhones. In an interview with NPR this morning, Bannon bitches that he was always right and everyone else is wrong, and that China is a "totalitarian mercantilist economic society." BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Behind a veil of secrecy, last night American Prince Jared Kushner previewed his magical immigration reform bill to a handful of key Republican senators. The rumor mill on the Hill is that J.Kush's plan would increase the number of guest worker visas in order to create a net-zero effect on immigration (TLDR: it rejiggers numbers and phrasing for the Fox News crowd). The deal is being kept under wraps for now, but yesterday Arkansas Republican Sen. Tom Cotton started whining about a Trump World scheme to allow an additional 30,000 temporary taco trucks on our street corners.

While speaking at a writers conference in Baltimore, Betsy DeVos bitched about being "clickbait," describing herself as an "introvert" who doesn't "enjoy the publicity." DeVos then complained how the press differentiates between charter schools, saying, "charter schools are public schools" (LOL, no they're not!) and adding that her support of taxpayer-funded private school scams is all about "unfairness we have grown accustomed to."

According to a new survey by a debt advisory group, America's ever expanding TRILLION dollar student debt bubble has created a dramatic rise in suicidal thoughts. No biggie. Everything will be ... just fine.

Here's a wombat joey.

Wombat Joey Emerges from Pouch

Voters in North Carolina's 9th District will head to the polls for the redo primary next week, and Republicans are grumbling about Democrats reminding voters that the leader in the polls is the architect of their failed trans-whats-it bathroom bill.

The best attack ad that Republicans have against Iowa freshman Democratic Rep. Cindy Axne is that she's "no good" and "very bad."

Cory Booker dropped a hardcore 14-part plan to combat gun violence that centers around federal licensing for all gun owners, FBI background checks, and gun safety courses, as well as banning assault weapons, high cap mags, and bump stocks. In an interview yesterday, Booker blasted gun makers, saying they were, "working ... in an ungodly way to undermine the safety and security of this nation."

California Senator and 2020 Democratic candidate Kamala Harris gave a blistering speech in Detroit last night calling for a full repeal of the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) and giving money to all the poor and middle-class people instead. Harris called out the TV talking heads who say certain voters will only vote for certain candidates (*cough* Chris Cillizza *cough*), saying rather bluntly, "It's shortsighted. It's wrong. And voters deserve better."

In order to insulate Trump from any embarrassing 2020 primary challenges, the Massachusetts GOP has passed a measure awarding all delegates to any candidate who clears a 50 percent threshold in the state presidential primary. Politico reports the Never Trumpers are pissed the Trump campaign has been leaning on state electors like a mob boss because they honestly believe someone like Bill Weld could make people vote with their conscience next year.

New York Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio has postponed an announcement that #HesRunning because "it's a big decision, obviously."

Emily's List, Planned Parenthood, MoveOn, NARAL Pro-Choice, and the Progressive Change Campaign Committee have taken the unusual step of making (very) early endorsements in Marie Newman's primary challenge to Illinois DINO Rep. Dan Lipinski. Lipinski responded that Newman is "running a 'tea party of the left' campaign at the behest of national interest groups" instead of greasing the palms of The Machine in Chicago's south suburbs. Fun Fact: Lipinski has consistently voted against abortion rights, gay rights, and Obamacare, and faced actual Nazi Arthur Jones in the 2018 general election last year.

2020 Democratic candidate and internet jerkoff Andrew Yang told a crowd in Seattle that, if elected, he'll bring PowerPoint presentations to the State of the Union, causing the crowd to chant, "PowerPoint." Which would be illegal.

HEY Y'ALL! Meet East Texas Republican state Senator Bryan Hughes. Hughes recently jammed through an election security bill that would make busing voters illegal, disenfranchising large swaths of elderly, poor, disabled and minority voters. And since even the bullshit is bigger in Texas, Hughes has ALSO passed a bill barring social media companies from punching Nazis off the internet by protecting hate speech -- even if it clearly violates TOS agreements. Hughes has also been busy trying to grab sex-ed by the pussy to protect Jesus freaks from where babby comes from. He seems nice.

Tennessee state Speaker Glen Casada and Cade Cothren, a top aide, had a grand ol' time sending sext messages to former interns, lobbyists, and campaign staffers. Cothren has since been quit-fired for trying to get blow jobs and nudie pics of an intern, trying to screw a lobbyist, calling a woman the c-word, and calling Metro police officers "rent a cop cocksuckers" after getting a parking ticket. Yes, there are copies of the sexts.

In what may be a sign of things to come, Turkish dictator President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has ordered a rerun of the Istanbul mayoral elections after his ruling Justice and Development Party, the A.K.P., was ousted in municipal elections on March 31. The New York Times reports that Erdogan threw a tantrum on election night and demanded his preferred candidate not concede; Erdogan has spent the last month complaining about unsubstantiated irregularities in the narrow margin of victory.

Former Reddit CEO Ellen Pao tells NPR's Marketplace that she would have banned toxic communities like "The_Donald" instead of letting it fester into a toxic hive of scum and villainy.

A Florida woman pulled over by police for rolling through a stop sign was found with 41 small three-stripe turtles. When police asked if she had anything else, she pulled a foot long alligator from her yoga pants.

A 58 year old woman has been arrested for repeatedly trespassing at CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia and asking for "Agent Penis."

And here's your morning Nice Time: SEA OTTERS!

Meet rescued sea otter pup Uni

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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