Dear God, Save The Queen! Wonkagenda For Mon., June 3, 2019

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Trump is in the UK for a state visit with Queen Elizabeth II. As usual, Trump was stepping on his dick before he even left by insulting the Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle after learning she once called him "misogynistic," insulted London Mayor Sadiq Khan, and effectively endorsed child-punching racist jackass Boris Johnson's bid to become the UK's next Prime Minister. Yesterday Trump tweeted that he never called Markle "nasty," and called major media outlets liars for repeating it. (Yes of course there's tape.)

Jared Kushner sat down with Axios's Jonathan Swan for an interview that should come with a "fasten seat belts" warning. Kushner acted rather blasé about his best buddy, Mr. Bonesaw, murdering journalist Jamal Khashoggi. At one point, Kushner defended Trump's immigration policy by saying that it didn't matter how many refugees the US accepts, adding that it's probably cheaper to just give those filthy poors some money to fix their own "shithole countries." When Swan asked Kushner if Trump's birther bullshit was "racist," Kushner repeatedly stated that he "wasn't involved in that," and then got almost as snippy as he did when he tried to explain why he never called the FBI after the Trump Tower meeting with the Russians. He also bitched about his magical Middle East Peace plan, saying he understands the Palestinians don't trust him, and that he also doesn't care. He's such a good boy.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo isn't sure if Jared Kushner's magical Middle East peace plan will work. WaPo got its hands on some audio of Pompeo talking to a super fancy Jewish non-profit group where Pompeo said Jared's "deal of the century" could be seen by some people as having "two good things and nine bad things," and as heavily weighted in favor of Israelis. Pompeo also says that the recent upheaval in Israeli politics has (again) stalled the rollout of the plan, potentially jeopardizing it entirely. Yesterday, Trump seemed to throw cold water all over Jared's latest failure when he told reporters, "We'll see what happens. "

Yesterday, Pompeo said that the Trump administration was willing to "engage in a conversation with no preconditions" with Iranian leaders. Pompeo's comments come after Iranian President Hassan Rouhani said he'd be willing to talk to Americans as long as they showed "respect" and didn't just start barking orders. This suggests that yet another presidential administration has found John Bolton to be a crazy SOB.

The CBP is buying MILLIONS of baby diapers for new tent cities along the southern border. In addition to stocking up on thousands of baby wipes and tiny shower shoes that suggest the administration is building ANOTHER baby jail, a DHS Inspector General has found "dangerous overcrowding" at an El Paso Border Patrol facility. According to the IG report, detainees were crammed into small cells and the facility was "struggling to maintain hygienic conditions." During one visit, the facility held somewhere around 750 to 900 detainees despite a maximum capacity of 125.

SURPRISE! Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao has been trying to boost her family's shipping overseas business -- or at least she was until some DEEP STATE ethics jerks caught wind. The New York Times has a brilliant expose about how Chao has repeatedly used her family's business in questionably legal ways, and how it's got itself wrapped up in Trump's trade war, along with the political career of her husband, Mitch McConnell.

Federal prosecutors really don't want to turn over transcripts of Mike Flynn's chats with the former Russian ambassador back in December 2016, despite a court order, because the prosecutors say they want to protect potential sources. They did, however, release a VERY interesting transcript of Trump's lawyer to Flynn's lawyer about potentially snitching on Trump World.

The DOJ has decided not to charge Julian Assange with violating the Espionage Act for publishing some super secret CIA hacking tools. Known as Vault 7, the tools are considered a kind of Swiss Army Knife because they could be used to crack open all types of gizmos.

The Navy is NOT happy that Missouri's disgraced former Republican governor Eric Greitens wants to re-enlist. With the Navy struggling to deal with incidents of sex crimes within its ranks, some among the Navy brass think letting Greitens back in the service would set a bad example and potentially encourage grab ass games. Compounding all of this is the Trump administration's winking and nudging to find Greitens a job, potentially close to Mike Pence or on the National Security Council.

INDICTED California Republican Rep. Duncan Hunter went on some douchey podcast and bragged about possibly killing "probably hundreds of civilians, if not scores" in an astonishing defense of ALLEGED war criminal, Navy Chief Eddie Gallagher. Hunter said he, himself, as a former artillery officer, "probably killed women and children" and that he didn't care if Gallagher indiscriminately murdered civilians, adding that he should "still be given a break."

2020 Democratic candidate Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand picked a fight during a Fox News town hall last night. With blood pouring out of his wherevers, Chris Wallace spent much of the evening crying about men's rights, forcing Gillibrand to clarify why she breathlessly preaches women's rights, saying, "It's not meant to be exclusionary, it's meant to be inclusionary." NOTE: Gillibrand still hasn't received enough donations to make the cut for the first Democratic debate. [Clip]

Sen. Elizabeth Warren is going all out in early primary states. Warren has been holding town halls and talking to voters face to face while quietly building large ground teams to get out the vote.

DINO Rep. Tulsi Gabbard hasn't filed any financial disclosures with the FEC for her 2020 campaign and has since been warned that she has to cough up some receipts. Unsurprisingly, Gabbard has already asked for an extension on her annual congressional disclosures. [FEC]

The former chair of the Idaho Republican Party, Jonathan Parker, was caught outside his estranged wife's apartment complex, and is accused of masturbating and general creepiness. His lawyer says Parker was just attending a costume party at another apartment, and it was all a big mistake, you betcha. Which might explain why Parker was wearing a wig, but not the bating.

In one of his regularly scheduled shitposts this morning, Trump called for a boycott of AT&T and CNN, presumably because they weren't kissing his ass.

John Oliver 'splainered how the medical device industry doesn't worry about actual science before they shove random crap inside our boobs and butts.

Medical Devices: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

And here's your morning Nice Time:BABY GOATS!

Goat KIds Gone Wild!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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