Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Republicans have collapsed into their fainting couches after hearing Nancy Pelosi wants to see Trump "in prison." In an appearance on Laura Ingraham's white power hour, Trump sobbed mean names about Pelosi against a backdrop of graves of soldiers who died on the beaches of Normandy. Through a deluge of crocodile tears, conservative dickheads are bemoaning the death of democracy. Last night Hannity weeped about the US becoming one of those "Banana Republics" where a "political opponent" is "locked up in prison," as if Trump didn't spend all of 2016 leading chants of "Lock Her Up."

House Democrats are getting ready to give committee chairs super powers in order to legally kick-punch the pants off the administration whenever they ignora subpoenas. The draft resolution would let committee chairs quickly respond to Trump World's attempt to stonewall investigations, and get outside legal counsel to help combat all their obstruction.

Mike Flynn is not having a good week. First US District Judge Emmet Sullivan released a transcript of John Dowd saying sad and questionable stuff to Flynn's lawyers about talking to "the government," then Sullivan released the actual audio. Flynn has now "You're Fired" his fancy lawyers for (what we can only assume) not being complete idiots, and/or bumbling crooks like the rest of Trump World's TV lawyers. Looks like a job for Larry Klayman! [Audio]

The economy only added 75,000 jobs last month. Economists were expecting 180,000. That's bad.

States ravaged by global warming bad weather last year will FINALLY get help after Trump signed the $19.1 billion disaster aid bill he spent months whining about. Upon signing the bill, Trump shitposted that Puerto Rico should love him. In a tweet, San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz fired back, "Trump's ridiculous statement is equal to someone beating you to the point of death, being shamed into taking you to the hospital, and then saying you should 'love him.'"

The Trump administration has declared another emergency and given the green light for Raytheon, a defense contractor, to start building smart bombs in Saudi Arabia. What could possibly go wrong?

Automakers are pissed the administration is trying to roll back the Obama-era emissions rules they spent months lobbying against. They're worried Trump's rules go too far and will (shockingly) screw auto markets as states like California have stricter emissions rules than neighboring states. Number crunchers fear that Trump's rules may make America's fetish for truckasauruses go extinct as people begin adopting cheap electric vehicles, and that's not good for their profit margins.

You might not remember the "Opportunity Zones" that were snuck into the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich). It was a scheme to boost low-income neighborhoods through general tax fuckery. Bean counters are now worried that the super rich (*cough* Jared Kushner) will use the provision instead to rapidly gentrify places for pennies on the dollar. Guess we should act shocked.

The FCC has has approved a new rule making it easier for big telecoms to block robocalls. The move was universally approved by FCC commissioners, but Democratic Commissioner Jessica Rosenworcel worries that telcos will instead charge customers a fee for using the service. Rosenworcel says, "I think robocall solutions should be free to consumers. Full stop. I do not think that this agency should pat itself on the back for its efforts to reduce robocalls and then tell consumers to pay up."

HUD Secretary Ben Carson says he's not A Idiot (HE'S A BRAIN SURGEON!) in a new interview where he tries to brush off "Oreogate." Carson mumbles that his grilling by California Democratic Rep. Katie Porter was "Gotcha" questions and "your mama" jokes. In response, Porter tweeted, "Next time you send something to my office, start by sending me answers for the American people, not cookies. This is not a joke for the families losing their homes."

Democratic Michigan Rep. Rashida Tlaib has introduced a plan to spend trillions of Ameros on poor people. In what's being considered a precursor to a universal basic income, Tlaib's plan would give $3,000 or $6,000 to people with no income. Tlaib tells WaPo that she was inspired by her time working with students, the elderly, and disabled, adding, "These are my folks. These are our neighbors who need it most."

Congress appears to have nuked a scheme by tax prep companies to screw taxpayers out of free tax filing software. The new bill would continue the existing Free File system without cementing it into law, and is being sponsored by Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley and Democratic Rep. John Lewis. It's expected to drop as early as today, and comes following an April ProPublica story exposing all types of fuckery by tax prep companies.

Roll Call took a trip down Memory Lane to Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand's 2006 House race after noticing some parallels to to her 2020 ambitions. Back then, Gillibrand was an underdog who used bare knuckle politics and a packed schedule to chip away at her opponent all the way to November.

The DNC has tweaked the rules for the first Democratic debate. Under the new rules, Montana Democratic Gov. Steve Bullock and two other candidates are effectively eliminated -- unless they can raise their poll numbers by June 12. The move has chapped asses from Democrats up and down the spectrum. Then again Bullock could also just run for the fucking Senate!

The Koch brothers say they'll back any Democrat who is willing to roll around in shit and support their agenda. The Koch's seem to have buyers remorse now that they've seen the culmination of their anti-government efforts realized in Trump. But don't cue the flying pigs until some Democrat accepts that deal.

Despite calls to break up big tech, a number of 2020 Democratic candidates are making trips to Silicon Valley in an effort to woo deep pocketed donors. Now they're in a bit of a purity pickle as the base sours on feckless and douchey tech bros who hesitate to use their banhammers on white supremacist shitlords.

Michigan Republican John James is running for the Senate (again), this time hoping to unseat Democratic Sen. Gary Peters. Republicans have been fawning over James for months because he's not a gross old white guy. In a related story, James will head to Chicago where the Trump loving billionaire Ricketts family will make it rain on thirsty GOP candidates at Wrigley Field.

The GOP and its late gerrymandering jerkoff, Thomas Hofeller, MIGHT have lied to a federal court when they were ordered to redraw North Carolina district maps in 2016. At the time, state Republicans argued they didn't have enough time or data to follow through with a court order, but Hofeller's files seem to show that much of the work was already completed.

In 2014 John Stewart coined the term "#McConnelling" to describe the b-roll footage filmed by Sen. Mitch McConnell and distributed freely for use in PAC ads. The process falls into a legal grey area of campaign finance laws, and is now used by both Republicans and Democrats. [Video]

What is McConnelling? How campaigns skirt coordination laws to help PACs make ads

About a day after coming out in favor of the Hyde Amendment, Joe Biden has made a U-turn and announced he's no longer in of the amendment. In a speech hosted by the DNC last night, Biden stated "times have changed," after hearing about all the Republican-led abortion bans in states like Georgia and Missouri. Biden said he viewed healthcare as a right, and that his goal to see "universal coverage" was in jeopardy adding, "I no longer support an amendment that makes that right dependent on someone's ZIP code."

In the first of a two-part report, Rachel Maddow has a heartbreaking story about all the godawful, medically unnecessary things doctors are being forced to do to Missouri women seeking abortions. Transvaginal ultrasounds were bad, but this is worse. [Morning Maddow]

Missouri Forcing Invasive Pelvic Exam On Women Seeking Abortion | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC

Tucker Carlson and Glenn Greenwald are defending the alt-right debate dildo Steven Crowder over Vox journalist Carlos Maza, following the dildo's "de-monetization" on Youtube over homophobic rants, rhetoric, and t-shirts. GG says the dildo was being "marginalized" and that Youtube and Maza were part of the blah blah blah Democratic liberal elite blah blah blah. In response, Maza tweeted, "I don't even know to install my air conditioning unit." [Video]

Vox Media employees walked off the job Thursday in an effort to secure collective bargaining rights for their union. In a tweet, the Vox union says it's negotiating for competitive wages, strong guaranteed raises, better severance, and subcontracting work. Early this morning Vox Media Union tweeted that it was still negotiating. SOLIDARITY!

Atlantic Editor Jeffrey Goldberg wants you to thank him for putting women in editorial positions, even if penile-challenged writers can't write 10,000 word stories. NOTE: Editors at the Atlantic are choosy beggars who still ask freelancers to do things for exposure, or shit pay.

The Rev. William Barber was convicted of second degree trespass in North Carolina yesterday for his role in a 2017 sit-in in the North Carolina state legislature. Barber was sentenced to 24 hours of community service and a $200 fine, but he has announced he will appeal the verdict. Following the sentencing, Barber told The Guardian this was "a serious case for the country," adding, "We cannot just put our hands between our legs and say: 'OK, sorry, you can regulate my nonviolent protest,' and just go away. The extremists in the south want to keep these statehouses under lock and key."

NICE TIME: Dutee Chand is India's first openly gay athlete. When she's not training for the 2020 Olympics, the 22-year-old millennial is studying law. It's hard to explain how big a deal this is in a country where arranged marriage is still common, and homosexuality was only recently decriminalized.

Burning Man, the annual desert hippy festival now known for crotch rot, rich douchebags, goofballs, and eyebrow-raising bullshit, needs a lobbyist to help them navigate the labyrinthine bureaucracy. There's no word on whether or not applicants will be drug tested. Serious inquiries only; applications must be submitted by June 19.

Trevor Noah hopped into the wayback machine to look at Elizabeth Warren, and found that before she had a plan for everything, Warren was telling Joe Biden how the wealthy are screwing the poor.

Getting to Know Dem: Elizabeth Warren | The Daily Show

And here's your morning Nice Time: BABY GIRAFFES!

Baby Giraffes Run and Play

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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