Takesy-Backsies. Wonkagenda For Mon., June 24, 2019

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

On Saturday Trump decided not to send ICE stormtroopers into major cities to deport "millions" of undocumented immigrants. In a shitpost, Trump bitched that Democrats and Republicans need to "work out a solution to the Asylum and Loophole problems at the Southern Border." Trump threatened that both parties had two weeks to figure out a way to clean up his mess (as usual), adding, "If not Deportations start!"

On Friday, Trump sat down with NBC's Chuck Todd to ramble and lie about HIS baby jails, brush off the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, admit that he hadn't actually "read" the Mueller Report (he's "not a WikiLeaks person"), yammer about how he's surrounded by warhawks like John Bolton, that he's not ready to lose in 2020, and that he's thinking about making taxpayers pay him rent to house his presidential library. The entire interview is a waste of time; besides the Eighth Amendment bans cruel and unusual bullshit. [Full Video]

Jake Tapper laughed in Mike Pence's face when he repeatedly dodged basic questions about all the bigly good schemes the administration was doing. Pence claimed, "America has the cleanest air and water in the world" (we don't), that the administration would "call the FBI" if a foreign government offered to meddle in our elections (they wouldn't), that kids in baby jails aren't being neglected or used as hostages (they are). Early this morning, MSNBC's Joe Scarborough told Pence to "read the Gospels," called him a liar, then said he himself would "make some phone calls" to save all the neglected brown babies (with a fundraiser). How noble. [Full Court Proceeding] [Video]

Axios got its hands on documents from the Trump transition team and they show that Trump wasn't really hiring the best people. Among some of the absolute gems are warnings that now quit-fired officials were grifty bastards with a number of conflicting interests, like former EPA director Scott Pruitt's "coziness with big energy companies," "criticisms of management ability" about former HHS secretary Tom Price, and a "red flag" about Mick Mulvaney not being "a very good person." Citing RNC officials involved in the vetting of Trump candidates, Axios reports: "We'd be sitting around and Trump would be like, 'Oh, hey, I'm bringing like Joe Shmoe up to Bedminster for Department of Interior,' and then we were like,'F---, we need to run a vet on this guy to make sure he's not a kid-toucher,'" said one source involved in the vetting. "It was just a clown show." [Video]

AXIOS On HBO: Chris Christie on the Trump Administration's Transition Team (S 2 Ep 4 Clip) | HBOwww.youtube.com

Joe Biden went on the Rev. Al Sharpton's show to try and whitewash comments about working with segregationists early in his Senate career, insisting his remarks were taken out of context. Biden continued digging his hole deeper in saying that the term "boy" was used by racist old coots in contempt of Biden, stating, "He said I'm not even qualified to be in the Senate." New Jersey Democratic Senator and 2020 Democratic rival Cory Booker decided not to waste a perfectly good opportunity to punch Biden (again) by telling ABC's Martha Raddatz that Biden's comments were "about invoking a terrible power dynamic" and that he "showed a lack of understanding." [Biden / Booker]

Democratic presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke released a plan to help veterans. The plan isn't too shocking as much of Beto's political career has been centered on improving conditions at VA health centers. Under Beto's plan -- which he calls a "war tax" -- we'd end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, throw more money at medical care for both men and women, hire more doctors and nurses, and expand care for veterans transitioning back to civilian life.

Later today Senator and 2020 candidate Bernie Sanders will unveil a $1.6 trillion plan to eliminate student debt by taxing Wall Street $2 trillion a year.

South Bend Mayor and 2020 candidate Pete Buttigieg got a stern talking to from black people at a town hall back home. Buttigieg has taken some time off from the campaign to deal with the police shooting of Eric Logan amid rising tensions within the community. People are pissed over the city's handling of the incident, as well as other moves by the city under Buttigieg's tenure, such as the targeting of vacant homes for demolition, and racial disparities within the police department. This morning the gang at Fox and Friends piled on by saying he looked "detached from the community" because he "didn't do much of the talking."

People in the DC area are reporting a strange increase in the number of military helicopters flying around. While people in DC (eventually) get used to the circus of motorcades, House reps have begun fielding calls from constituents who keep reporting an unusually high number of flyovers.

Instead of bombing Iran, the administration launched a cyber attack against Iran. Yahoo News reports the attack was aimed at a spy network operating under the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps, while the Washington Post says it was against military command and control systems that control rocket and missile launches. The move follows a stepped up cyber offensive by Iranian hackers to catfish US sailors into giving up ship movements, a move that has computer geeks worried about a tit-for-tat cyber war. In a related story, the New York Times quotes a number of Republicans bitching about Trump's decision not to kick off World War III with an earth shattering kaboom.

We FINALLY got our first glimpse of Jared Kushner's magic Middle East peace plan, and it's (shockingly) naive. The administration only released the economic portion of Jared's "deal of the century," and the boy wonder ripped off all the other failed ideas, then added $50 billion of reheated shit to really screw the Palestinians. The Palestinians call Jared's plan a "snow job" and say he should just "go home."

Paul Manafort and shadow White House chief of staff Sean Hannity sent each other hundreds of sext messages while Manafort was being investigated by Robert Mueller. The texts show Hannity not only believes his own bullshit, but that Manafort didn't get a "sweetheart deal" like his former minion, Rick Gates, because he was worried he'd have to "give up" Trump, his family, or Jared Kushner. In response to the airing of all his dirty laundry, Hannity shitposted his views "were made clear every day" to everyone who's ever suffered through his shows. [Text Messages]

Fun Fact: Historians are pretty sure Rose Cleveland was the first First Lady to be a gaymosexual, and they've got the love letters to prove it.

John Oliver 'splainered what's going on at Mt. Everest, how hundreds of people climbing to the highest point in the world is creating a "fecal time bomb."

Everest: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)www.youtube.com

And here's your morning Nice Time: IT'S LIL BUB! Happy Birthday, Lil Bub!

Lil BUB's 8th Birthday Cake!www.youtube.com

Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!

We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc