Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Before we get started, here's a baby dik-dik.

Is that a lot? That seems like a lot.

While you were sleeping, Trump took a giant shit all over global stability again this morning, threatening to pull out of NATO if members did not immediately agree to "substantially" increase their spending. Despite Trump's threats, NATO is bolstering its defense and previously agreed upon spending commitments, and reorganizing itself to rapidly respond to looming Russian aggression. [Archive]

When the cameras were off Trump was greasing palms and diffusing his own bombs, schmoozing with the very same people he'd just publicly insulted. Now key US allies are calling Trump an unstable, two-faced son of a bitch.

While President Meat Sweats spent yesterday morning publicly destroying NATO alliances, his top aides and officials sat by squirming and spazzing out. HOWEVER, according to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, John Kelly was sad and uncomfortable because the breakfast was only "pastries and cheeses." Guess his appetite was being held captive by Russia.

As Trump met with French President Emmanuel Macron on the sidelines of the NATO summit yesterday, a reporter asked if Macron shared Trump's idea that Germany is held "captive" by Russia. With Trump standing next to him, Macron said, "No."

After bragging about his VIP treatment and status in summer camp jail, Paul Manafort is being moved to a city jail in Alexandria, Virginia. He may not get scared straight, but he'll certainly make some new friends!

Paul Ryan is threatening Lisa Page with contempt of Congress for her refusal to appear before a House committee that wants to yell at her for sexting Peter Strzok.

Peter Strzok is about to testify before Congress about phone sexing with Lisa Page, but it could blow up in their faces as Strzok is kind of a badass with a long history of busting deep cover Russian spies. [Morning Maddow]

Contrary to Trump and his administration officials, ICE has been kidnapping children and infants from asylum seekers and placing them in baby jails. It's not just people caught crossing the border illegally.

The Office of Refugee Resettlement has been slashing money from an HIV/AIDS program for uninsured/underinsured people so that it can make more baby jails and Mexi-Muslim internment camps. #MAGA

The Senate narrowly confirmed Brian Benczkowski to head up the Justice Department's criminal division, 51-48. Benczkowski is the former lawyer for Alfa Bank, the shady Russian bank that was secretly talking to a mystery Trump Organization server during the 2016 campaign.

The Trump administration just quietly gave a green light to start 3-D printing firearms as it viewed bans on DIY plastic guns a violation of First and Second Amendment rights. This is fine...

Just before he became a serious contender for SCOTUS, Brett Kavanaugh quickly began paying off about $200,000 in debt he amassed by buying lots of sportsball tickets. Remember, the first step towards recovery is admitting you're an addict.

While hiding in some White House toilet, Axios overheard Trump wants Air Force One to look "more American," with less of a "Jackie Kennedy color." Fun Fact: Trump scuttled plans for a new Air Force One last year.

Jared Kushner's family business is about to sell its troubled skyscraper at 666 5th Avenue in New York to a company that really wants to buy Westinghouse Electric, and that's just the start of Jared's recent business fuckery in Washington.

"Papa John" Schnatter has (finally) resigned after making another series of racist comments. Maybe now they can fix their pizza from tasting like warm mildew and diarrhea sauce topped with melted rubber.

MTV News wants to hire a bunch of social justice writers, so a bunch of social justice writers reminded them of that time MTV fired a bunch of social justice writers last year for forming a union so they could pivot to video.

A recent Pew Research survey asked Americans to rate the best POTUS of their lifetimes, and our B. Barry Bamz won! Trump came in at a pathetic fourth behind The Gipper and Cap'n Blowjobs. Sad.

The Rock isn't running for president in 2020 because he makes more money in punching good/bad guys with/without a cape.

Beto O'Rourke raised a staggering $10.4 million during the second quarter, according to the most recent FEC filing. He's now outraised Ted Cruz for the last four filing cycles. GO, BETO, GO!

Riverside County, California, has been dumping kids into a juvenile probation program for "pre-delinquent" and "delinquent" infractions that include disciplinary problems, mental health issues, bad grades, family issues, and playing "the race card." It's like Minority Report, but for kids.

A Chicago cop is being investigated after he was caught on camera harassing two teenagers and stating, "I kill mother fuckers."

Trump is headed to the UK this morning where officials desperate to avoid Trump's wrath will literally keep him in castles to protect him from the throngs of protesters.

The BBC has been running a special investigative report that calls Trump a "sex pest," and reveals new allegations about Trump's ALLEGED decades of sexual perversion with young girls. One woman recalled a moment in the 1980s where, after she told Trump she was only 17, Trump replied, "not too old and not too young."

Steve Bannon has been hanging out in Europe, egging on the white supremacists and neo-nationalists ahead of Trump's visit to the UK.

When the next round of economic data comes out, Trump's trade war may look great, but that's only because China just raided US supplies of soybeans and crude oil in order to avoid Trump's taxes tariffs.

North Korea just stood up US officials (again) during a scheduled meeting to return the remains of US Korean war dead. Maybe the North Koreans were busy washing their hair?

Cops in Ohio saved the community from Stormy Daniels' boobs and arrested her at a strip club after someone(s) started touching her while she performed. NO TOUCHING.

Here's the story of how a Florida man/disgruntled ex-cop turned to the dark side, taught himself fake news, fled to Russia, and tried to get involved in the 2016 DNC hacks.

Facebook was giving a Russian internet company a special extension to access a wide swath of user data, and Democrats want to know why, and what the hell they did with all that information.

Since Uncle Sam can't get his shit together, cybersecurity researchers have been digging around the dark web busting hackers trying to dump documents on military UAV drones, military training and repair manuals, and selling credentials for a major international airport for only $10. Good thing the TSA is searching our shoes!

And here's your morning Nice Time! KITTENS!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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