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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about after we remember to adjust our alarm clocks and get some coffee!


Can you believe it's only been eight days since the start of Paul Manafort's tax fraud trial? Yesterday grouchy old Judge T.S. Ellis admitted his mind ain't what it used to be, and grumbled he shouldn't have shot prosecutors for taking too long to show Paul Manafort's complex scheme to launder millions in Ukrainian blood money through bank loans. The jury will please ignore the bullet holes. Prosecutors also asked that a conversation about Manafort's henchman-turned-witness, Rick Gates, be sealed, suggesting that Gates is still spilling his guts to Mueller's team.

Robert Mueller's mystery chats with the Manhattan Madam have people wondering just how screwed Nixonian rat fuck Roger Stone might be now that everyone in his orbit is snitching on the role Wikileaks played in stealing HER EMAILS back in 2016

A US District Court Judge stopped a plane and threatened to hold Jeff Sessions in contempt after immigration officials had the balls to try and deport a woman and her daughter while her lawyer argued for political asylum. And Sessions would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling ACLU kids!

Melon Trump's parents are now US citizens. You see? Trump is still letting in some people.

With pursed lips and a puckered asshole, Mike Pence detailed how Trump's new Space Force is going to make Reagan's Star Wars program look like a Buck Rodgers wet dream, complete with robots, pew-pew lasers, and lightsabers, to combat the sad jokes the Chinese and Russians call their space programs.

Recently released CIA cables show the agency definitely tortured people at a secret prison in Thailand while now CIA Director Gina Haspel was in charge, making it impossible that Haspell didn't know people were being waterboarded under her leadership. The most disturbing part is the nonchalant and bureaucratic term used: "water treatment."

As f'ball season gets underway, players are kneeling on the field, raising fists or sitting out the national anthem to protest extrajudicial murders by trigger happy cops. How dare they inject politics into a violent sport that creates brain trauma!

Ex-con and sore loser Don Blankenship is yelling at what's left of the West Virginia state Supreme Court in a new lawsuit to appear on the ballot as a Constitution party candidate this November. Unfortunately, the state Republican party just impeached the entire Supreme Court.

Kansas voter fucking Secretary of State Kris Kobach says he'll recuse himself from state vote counting efforts after previously throwing a tantrum and refusing to step aside.

Michael Avenatti has been running around Iowa setting up the stage for a potential run at the White House in 2020 after realizing that any idiot could run for president. #HesRunning.

This weekend DC is bracing for a march by Nazis and white supremacists in stupid costumes this weekend. The city expects about 400 assholes to descend on Lafayette Square, across from the White House, and as many as 1,500 counter protesters.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Tiny goats!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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Yeah, that's definitely a repurposed animatronic Hillary (YouTube)

A whole bunch of protests were held today against the fake "president's" fake "emergency" declaration, with people turning out in cold crappy weather to call attention to the general nastiness of the guy who claims he absolutely had to do that declaration that wasn't necessary. Organizers with MoveOn.org said over 250 rallies were planned nationwide. So far, the national State Of Emergency doesn't appear to have caused any of the rallies to be cancelled, despite the very real possibility that terrified Honduran refugees fleeing violence in Central America might suddenly show up and ask for asylum.

Are there still actions taking place in your area? Check at MoveOn!

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WHAT. IS. PAUL. MANAFORT. HIDING?

Before Manafort pleaded guilty and signed up as a cooperating witness who didn't actually cooperate, we wrote this:

We have always kind of figured that Paul Manafort is the one who knows the whole Trump-Russia conspiracy story. He was the first big fish indicted, and they hit him for A LOT. Also note that just about all the other prosecutions that have come from the Mueller investigation so far have been farmed out by Mueller to different jurisdictions. Manafort, on the other hand, Mueller has kept squarely in his office. There has to be a reason for that.

Perhaps it's because, as this Josh Marshall podcast suggests, Paul Manafort, a foreign agent who worked for Oleg Deripaska, AKA Putin's favorite oligarch, and who got sideways financially with Deripaska, was literally sent into the Trump campaign by the Kremlin to do its dirty work. Perhaps the Steele Dossier is right when it suggests that the entire Trump-Russia election-stealing conspiracy was run by Manafort on the Trump side, and that others like (perhaps!) Michael Cohen only had to take over when Manafort's shit started to stink and the news media started reporting on his weird-ass Russian connections in the summer of 2016.

If it's possible, we are beginning to suspect it may be even worse than that.

On Friday, special counsel Robert Mueller issued his sentencing recommendations for Manafort, after DC district court Judge Amy Berman Jackson ruled conclusively that the shady motherfucker very intentionally lied and blew up his cooperating agreement. Because Manafort defaulted, Mueller is no longer bound to recommend that Manafort's sentence be reduced, and is free to throw the book right at Manafort's face. HARD.

And that is what Mueller did! To be clear, the sentencing memo is harsh.

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