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VROOOM. Wonkagenda For Wed., Aug. 14, 2019

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Activists are continuing to pressure legislators to do something (ANYTHING) to combat gun violence. There's a quiet debate among House Democrats on reintroducing an assault weapons ban, but so far support has mainly fallen behind passing so-called "red flag" laws and increased background checks. Axios gossips that Princess Ivanka has been gabbing with lawmakers and urging them to give her daddy an easy win when they get back.

Acting director of US Citizenship and Immigration Services Ken Cuccinelli didn't just twist the famous words by Emma Lazarus that are etched into the Statue of Liberty, he edited the poem to include immigrants who can "stand on their own two feet." In an interview with CNN's Erin Burnett last night, the Cooch doubled down and said the poem, "was referring back to people coming from Europe where they had class-based societies, where people were considered wretched if they weren't in the right class, and it was written one year after the first federal public charge rule was written." The Cooch went on step on his own dick after Burnett noted that many of our ancestors have come from "shithole countries" so future generations can get a slice of American pie.

Daniel Dale noticed Trump's got a "central casting" fetish when it comes to staffing his administration. The former beauty pageant owner, Dale notes, has been more concerned with "You're Hired"-ing people who look like they could do a job as opposed to people who actually can do the job.

At what was supposed to be the reveal for energy policy in Pennsylvania, Trump blithered some dumb shit about loving trucks and cranes, bragged about being rich, told people to shitpost about a third and fourth term, and bitched that old maids can't watch him on teevee because birds keep committing Harry Caray on windmills. Politico has a breakdown of all the stupid things he said, like, "a good builder. I built good. I love building."

The Check In: Trump and Trucking www.youtube.com

The Washington Post reports Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell killed a Democrat-led effort to sanction a Russian aluminum company with direct ties to the Trump-Russia scandal right around the time the company was promising to open up a plant in a distressed part of Kentucky. A spox for #MoscowMitch says there was NO COLLUSION, and that it's a mere coincidence.

Republicans in California are worried that a new law requiring primary candidates to release their tax returns could leave Trump off the ballot and depress turnout among Republicans. That would be sad.

Former Colorado governor John Hickenlooper is rumored to be ending his inevitably doomed 2020 presidential campaign. The New York Times gossips that Hickenlooper hopped in the car with fellow 2020 candidate (and potential Senate colleague) Sen. Michael Bennet on the way to the Iowa Wing Ding to chat about stuff. On Saturday the Denver Post published a poll showing Hickenlooper with a 51 percent lead over his likely primary opponents in a hypothetical race. Yesterday a bunch of nerds launched a campaign to draft Hickenlooper into the race to unseat Republican Sen. Cory Gardner. This morning "sources close to Hickenlooper" tell the Denver Post that Hickenlooper is seriously considering a RUN FOR THE FUCKING SENATE since he's unlikely to qualify for the next debate.

Stacey Abrams says #ShesNOTrunning in 2020 so that she can focus on her advocacy group, Fair Fight, which prevents voter suppression. In an interview with the New York Times, Abrams says she "would be honored to be considered" for a VEEP nod from anyone who's offering. [Morning Maddow]

An 18-year-old Ohio teenager has been charged with threatening to assault a federal officer after posting in an online forum that people should "shoot every federal agent in sight." The teen reportedly encouraged people to stock up on guns and ammo, and talked about mass shootings at Planned Parenthood clinics. FBI agents raiding his home found 10,000 round of ammo, camo clothing and backpacks, and a vault full of more than a dozen weapons, including assault-type rifles and shotguns.

With a little more than 12 hours before the first day of school, a seven-year-old boy became the 11th child killed in a shooting in St. Louis since June. The boy and his 11- and 12-year-old siblings were playing in their backyard when the shots rang out. The kids got to the ground until the shooting stopped, but the shooting started again as the trio ran towards their house.

The New York Times has demoted its congressional editor Jonathan Weisman after he shit the bed on Twitter, and then continued digging a grave for his career.

Sen. Bernie Sanders walked back repeated criticisms of the Washington Post after accusing the paper of being mean to him. The Post's editor, Marty Baron, said lots of politicians complain about their coverage, and added it's a "conspiracy theory" to suggest Amazon CEO and Post owner Jeff Bezos controls the newsroom.

People in a Richmond suburb were surprised to find old CRT TVs sitting near their front doors. Home security footage shows a person wearing a TV on their head placing the TVs on the front porches of more than 50 people. Police say a similar incident occurred last year, and it's unclear of any crime has been committed. The Richmond Times Dispatch notes some people have decided to hang on to the TVs for now.

Former boxer and permanent crazy person Mike Tyson says he smokes $40,000 worth of weed a month. Tyson made the claim on his podcast, and bragged about making all sorts of different cannabis products at his California ranch. Apparently nobody ever told him not to get high on his own supply.

Trevor Noah mocked Fox News talking heads for all their emergency Forest Gump vacations.

Tucker Carlson Takes a Sudden Vacation After His Hot Takes on White Supremacy | The Daily Show www.youtube.com

You know, we haven't had a dance party in a while. Since it's Wednesday, let's shake things up!

MEUTE - Hey Hey (Dennis Ferrer Rework) www.youtube.com

And here's your morning Nice Time: A CHEETAH CUB!

Cheetah Cub is Full of Energy - Cincinnati Zoo www.youtube.com

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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