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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


The Manhattan DA's office is thinking about charging the Trump Organization for violating tax laws when it paid Michael Cohen to hide Trump's porn-hooker problem. The Trump Org's mob lawyer, Alan Futerfas, declined to comment about how Trump might weasel his way out of this one.

Tabloid sleazeball David Pecker has been granted immunity to whip out Trump's dirty laundry. Complicating Trump's Pecker problem is new reporting on how Pecker kept a safe with details on payments to Trump's porno hookers, but they were quietly moved just before Trump's coronation as Emperor of 'Murica.

Michael Cohen is begging for cash to help pay his legal bills. You could also help us pay our bills, or donate to the Aquabats. It's your call...

Politico takes a long trip down Memory Lane with Trump and Roy Cohn to show how Cohn taught Trump to skirt the law. WHERE'S HIS ROY COHN?

Once again Trump has been shitposting all night on Twitter. This morning Trump tweeted that Jeff Sessions should look at "corruption on the 'other side.'" [sic] Yes, that includes HER EMAILS.

Jeff Sessions is on a goddamn death watch as more Republicans slither out of the swamp to tear down one of the last Confederate statues in DC.

California Republican Rep. Duncan Hunter had a CRAZY interview on Fox last night where he threw his wife under the bus, blaming her for everything as he sweated through a suit clearly stolen from a used car salesman. [Video]

Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh are old friends whose legal careers have peculiar parallels. They were friends in high school, clerked together, wrote a book together, and were appointed to benches together. COINCIDENCE?!

Steve Mnuchin is trying to stop Democratic-led states from reinstating deductions cut from the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) by rewriting the rules for charitable donations, potentially screwing schools and churches along with shady rich dickholes. Mnuchin isn't going to let those freeloading libs cuck him, he wants that money!

Remember those four Green Berets who were killed during a FUBAR mission in Nigeria? One of the soldiers has been nominated for the prestigious Silver Star by Special Operations Command; HOWEVER, an AfricCom report blames that same soldier for the screw up after finding he deliberately filed a misleading report prior to undertaking the mission. The whole clusterfuck has shined an inconvenient light on a shadow war being waged with SpecOps and mercenaries against Islamic State militants and local warlords in "shithole countries."

With Trump unable to replace all the diplomats he "You're Fired," Mike Pompeo has been rubber stamping envoys loyal to the God Emperor in an effort to fill out what's left of the State Department. Thanks, REXXON.

Ronan Farrow writes that as the Trumpers settled into the White House they honestly believed some wild conspiracy theory that Obama holdovers and the LIBERAL media were engaged in a covert plot to undermine Trump. They even started passing around a crazy memo, and hired that shady Israeli intel firm, Black Cube, to expose the deep state "Echo Chamber."

Trump wiped his ass with Jared Kushner's prison reform plan as it seemed too hard with the midterms so close. What will Paul Manafort do now?

Prisoners throughout the US and Canada have been engaged in the largest prison strike in history. Information remains sketchy, but reports of hunger strikes are trickling out from reform advocates as protesters demand investigations into suspicious deaths, inmate warehousing, and the use of prisoners as slave laborers.

Trump's White House and Mitch McConnell blocked a bill to safeguard and audit election systems, and make it easier for DHS to share classified information with state election officials. When asked "WHY," Trump's White House babbled incoherently as McConnell hid in the cloak room.

Democrats want to make the midterms all about "pocketbook issues," hoping that voters focus more on healthcare and Trump's tax cuts (for the super rich), but they're worried Trump will keep shoving his fat ass in front of every goddamn camera ever and suck all the oxygen out from the newscycle.

SAD TIME: Women running for office continue to battle horrific trolling from MRAs and white supremacists as toxic alt-media man-babies relentlessly dox and harass them with sexist, anti-semitic death threats.

NICE TIME: Rapper Vic Mensa's SaveMoneySaveLife foundation will give away thousands of shoes to kids in Chicago following a viral video showing the Chicago Police Department's use of "bait trucks."

Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull was given the boot by hardcore conservatives (read: racists). Turnbull is another elected Prime Minister ousted by political enemies and Rupert Murdoch, but he wasn't exactly a saint either.

The government of Brazil has released drone footage reported to show an uncontacted and isolated Amazon tribe on the border of Peru. NEATO!

Adam Housley, another Fox News reporter, is packing his balls and leaving now that Fox has become just another Trump-state media operation.

A new book about Mike Pence's Christian supremacy is asking the legit question: Is Mike Pence worse than Donald Trump? Maybe...

SCARY TIME: Vic Berger has a new video showing how "Weird Mike" Cernovich and his wife have been pushing Twitter followers to murder journalists, and accuse them of being pedophiles.

You're not going crazy, Russia trolls have been pushing anti-vax garbage on social media, according to a new study, in an attempt to sow discord among Americans. Bastards!

Buzzfeed reports that at least a dozen tech giants will gather later today in an effort to create a strategy combating disinformation campaigns and "election protection" as Congress continues to ignore the magic boobie box the rest of us call "the internet."

And here's your morning Nice Time! Guam Rail chicks!


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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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Screenshot NRATV

DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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