HI DAD. I'M IN JAIL. Wonkagenda For Fri., Aug. 24, 2018
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
The Manhattan DA's office is thinking about charging the Trump Organization for violating tax laws when it paid Michael Cohen to hide Trump's porn-hooker problem. The Trump Org's mob lawyer, Alan Futerfas, declined to comment about how Trump might weasel his way out of this one.
Tabloid sleazeball David Pecker has been granted immunity to whip out Trump's dirty laundry. Complicating Trump's Pecker problem is new reporting on how Pecker kept a safe with details on payments to Trump's porno hookers, but they were quietly moved just before Trump's coronation as Emperor of 'Murica.
Politico takes a long trip down Memory Lane with Trump and Roy Cohn to show how Cohn taught Trump to skirt the law. WHERE'S HIS ROY COHN?
California Republican Rep. Duncan Hunter had a CRAZY interview on Fox last night where he threw his wife under the bus, blaming her for everything as he sweated through a suit clearly stolen from a used car salesman. [Video]
Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh are old friends whose legal careers have peculiar parallels. They were friends in high school, clerked together, wrote a book together, and were appointed to benches together. COINCIDENCE?!
Steve Mnuchin is trying to stop Democratic-led states from reinstating deductions cut from the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) by rewriting the rules for charitable donations, potentially screwing schools and churches along with shady rich dickholes. Mnuchin isn't going to let those freeloading libs cuck him, he wants that money!
Remember those four Green Berets who were killed during a FUBAR mission in Nigeria? One of the soldiers has been nominated for the prestigious Silver Star by Special Operations Command; HOWEVER, an AfricCom report blames that same soldier for the screw up after finding he deliberately filed a misleading report prior to undertaking the mission. The whole clusterfuck has shined an inconvenient light on a shadow war being waged with SpecOps and mercenaries against Islamic State militants and local warlords in "shithole countries."
With Trump unable to replace all the diplomats he "You're Fired," Mike Pompeo has been rubber stamping envoys loyal to the God Emperor in an effort to fill out what's left of the State Department. Thanks, REXXON.
Ronan Farrow writes that as the Trumpers settled into the White House they honestly believed some wild conspiracy theory that Obama holdovers and the LIBERAL media were engaged in a covert plot to undermine Trump. They even started passing around a crazy memo, and hired that shady Israeli intel firm, Black Cube, to expose the deep state "Echo Chamber."
Trump wiped his ass with Jared Kushner's prison reform plan as it seemed too hard with the midterms so close. What will Paul Manafort do now?
Prisoners throughout the US and Canada have been engaged in the largest prison strike in history. Information remains sketchy, but reports of hunger strikes are trickling out from reform advocates as protesters demand investigations into suspicious deaths, inmate warehousing, and the use of prisoners as slave laborers.
Trump's White House and Mitch McConnell blocked a bill to safeguard and audit election systems, and make it easier for DHS to share classified information with state election officials. When asked "WHY," Trump's White House babbled incoherently as McConnell hid in the cloak room.
Democrats want to make the midterms all about "pocketbook issues," hoping that voters focus more on healthcare and Trump's tax cuts (for the super rich), but they're worried Trump will keep shoving his fat ass in front of every goddamn camera ever and suck all the oxygen out from the newscycle.
SAD TIME: Women running for office continue to battle horrific trolling from MRAs and white supremacists as toxic alt-media man-babies relentlessly dox and harass them with sexist, anti-semitic death threats.
NICE TIME: Rapper Vic Mensa's SaveMoneySaveLife foundation will give away thousands of shoes to kids in Chicago following a viral video showing the Chicago Police Department's use of "bait trucks."
Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull was given the boot by hardcore conservatives (read: racists). Turnbull is another elected Prime Minister ousted by political enemies and Rupert Murdoch, but he wasn't exactly a saint either.
The government of Brazil has released drone footage reported to show an uncontacted and isolated Amazon tribe on the border of Peru. NEATO!
Adam Housley, another Fox News reporter, is packing his balls and leaving now that Fox has become just another Trump-state media operation.
A new book about Mike Pence's Christian supremacy is asking the legit question: Is Mike Pence worse than Donald Trump? Maybe...
SCARY TIME: Vic Berger has a new video showing how "Weird Mike" Cernovich and his wife have been pushing Twitter followers to murder journalists, and accuse them of being pedophiles.
You're not going crazy, Russia trolls have been pushing anti-vax garbage on social media, according to a new study, in an attempt to sow discord among Americans. Bastards!
Buzzfeed reports that at least a dozen tech giants will gather later today in an effort to create a strategy combating disinformation campaigns and "election protection" as Congress continues to ignore the magic boobie box the rest of us call "the internet."
And here's your morning Nice Time! Guam Rail chicks!