Cock Tales. Wonkagenda For Mon., Sept. 16, 2019

Cock Tales. Wonkagenda For Mon., Sept. 16, 2019

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Over the weekend the New York Times published a story claiming Supreme Court Justice Rapey McPrivilege had problems keeping his pants on in college, and that the FBI never bothered to investigate all the allegations of sexual assault against him. Right on cue, Trump mansplained that Brett Kavanaugh "should start suing people" FOR LIBELZ, adding that his DOJ should "come to his rescue," like some kind of obstruction of justice league. The Times and other news outlets say people involved can't remember Kavanaugh's cock tales, and conservatives are crying that one of Kavanaugh's classmates who allegedly witnessed an incident, Max Stier, was involved in the defense of Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. About half-a-dozen Democratic 2020 candidates are calling to #IMPEACH Kavanaugh for being a lying liar while Joe Biden and Sen. Amy Klobuchar are calling for an(other) investigation.

A small fleet of drones carried out an attack on an oil field in Saudi Arabia over the weekend. Iranian-backed Houthi rebels in Yemen have claimed responsibility for the attack, though the Trump administration is blaming Iran directly and claiming there's no evidence the attacks actually came from the starving and bombed-out poors in Yemen. Oil prices have surged in response to the attack, but ticked down a bit after America's mad king declared he would tap the US Strategic Petroleum Reserve if Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad Bin Salman told him to. Yesterday, neocons began climbing out of the woodwork to beat their war drums in the hopes of convincing Trump to start another oil war.

LONG READ: Yahoo News reports that Russia was able to crack certain types of encryption used by US intel agencies on US soil. The story goes on to say that US officials freaked out when they realized the Russian super spies they were tailing were actually keeping tabs on the FBI's own super spies.

Axios gossips Republicans think they can flip New Mexico in 2020 after stalking sucking up data on Front Row Joes showed a bunch of people at his recent El Paso shitshow were (shockingly) not from El Paso. Political wizards think the strategy is stupid since the state isn't full of grumpy, old white men. Politico quotes the head of the state's Libertarian party, Chris Luchini, as being skeptical that the state is up for grabs on account of Trump being "batshit racist."

Back in 2010, then-Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach helped the town of Fremont, Nebraska, write an order making it illegal to rent to undocumented immigrants. During his 2017 gubernatorial run, Kobach -- who still had a $10,000 retainer from Fremont -- sent the names of almost 300 people applying for an occupancy license in Fremont to ICE.

Despite handouts from the Trump administration, major coal plants in Wyoming and Montana are folding up, with surviving companies moving to renewable energy sources. And that, children, is the only way to make "clean coal"!

For the first time in just over a decade, the United Auto Workers union went on strike against General Motors last night, with 46,000 workers walking out at 31 GM factories, and 21 other sites across nine states. Workers argue that they were screwed out of pay raises during the 2008 financial crisis; and the AP adds UAW workers want fair wages, health care, profit sharing, job security and a path to permanent employment for temp workers.

Mohamed Khairullah, a Muslim-American who's served as the mayor of Prospect Park, New Jersey, for the last 14 years, says he was wrongfully detained and harassed by CBP agents at JFK International Airport upon returning from a recent trip to Turkey. Mayor Khairullah says CBP officials confiscated his electronic devices for almost two weeks after he revoked his consent for a search upon being detained with his wife and four kids for several hours.

INDICTED Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is sitting on a wobbly house of cards after decades of coddling conservatives, and his whole world could come crashing down tomorrow as Israelis head to the polls.

The New Yorker's Jane Mayer sat down with James Murdoch, the black sheep of the Fox News family, where he talks about why he supports Pete Buttigieg and fighting "threats to democracy."

Trump has an unusual obsession with Sir Elton John, especially after the singer declined to sing at his coronation as God-Emperor. This whole story is just fuck bonkers levels of weird with Trump blasting "Tiny Dancer" to harass staffers late at night, bragging about crowd sizes, and trying to one-up B. Barry Bamz.

FACT CHECK: No, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez didn't call for censorship of 9/11 photos on the basis that they were "triggering." That's some anti-Muslim garbage made up by a Murdoch rag.

Ric Ocasek, frontman for The Cars, has passed. He was 75, and we are full of sads. :(


Rebecca adds this one:


John Oliver 'splained the legal immigration process, and why anti-immigrant conservatives don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

Legal Immigration: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

And here's your morning Nice Time: IT'S TOPI!


Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!

We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc