Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


In a letter to the Senate Judiciary Committee, lawyers for Dr. Christine Blasey Ford have said Dr. Blasey is prepared to testify as soon as Thursday provided there are "terms that are fair and which ensure her safety." Her lawyers called the insistence that she testify on Monday "arbitrary," and dismissed the evil twin theory. Her lawyers also stressed, "Her strong preference continues to be for the Senate Judiciary Committee to allow for a full investigation prior to her testimony."

An idiot is really going with the Evil Twin theory for Kavanaugh. No link, it's super-libelous (but yeah, we're on it). UPDATE: He sort of apologized. Sort of.

Fifty-six brave souls were arrested protesting the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh yesterday after they brought the ruckus to the Senate Dirksen Building and annoyed the hell out of Senate Republicans.

In a new letter to congressional leaders, former staffers are urging Congress to change sexual harassment and discrimination policies on the Hill. The House and Senate have both passed updates to the Congressional Accountability Act earlier this year, but they've yet to reconcile both bills.

The lifestyles of Washington's rich and powerful have been turned upside down since Dr. Blasey's allegations surfaced. Reporters are now climbing through clubhouse windows, traipsing over lush golf courses, and harassing the wealthy elitists who demand the foul smelling proles stop exposing the "in-crowd" to such inapplicable concepts as accountability and justice.

ABC News reports Michael Cohen has been spending A LOT of time with Robert Mueller's justice league. Cohen has ALLEGEDLY spilled his guts for hours about what Trump spent his rubles on without any guarantee that the courts won't LOCK HIM UP when it comes time for sentencing.

ALLEGED Russian spy Maria Butina has sent a subpoena to American University in Washington demanding copies of class rosters from her time as a grad student. A former professor tells the Daily Beast that Butina openly bragged about connecting the Trump campaign to the Kremlin during her last semester. OH, REALLY?

Trump went to Las Vegas to rant and ramble in support of Sen. Dean Heller and other downballot Republicans. Trump also bitched, pissed, whined, and moaned about a "red wave," "fake news," Brett Kavanaugh, and Jeff Sessions. Before Trump addressed his sycophants, Jeanine Pirro suggested Dr. Blasey's allegation was the result of hypnosis, and then Trump was jerked off by Hannity in front of a ravenous crowd of bloodthirsty lizard people.

Yesterday Trump was watching the House Freedom crazies bitch on Fox News about the stop-gap spending bill; suddenly Trump was threatening to shut the government down on Sept. 30 if Congress doesn't cough up cash for his stupid Tortilla Curtain along the Mexican border. In response, congressional Republican leaders said, "Fine, fuck it, go ahead," then stormed off to a cocktail lounge to drown their sorrows.

The assault from corporate Republicans on pre-existing conditions is helping Democrats defend Obamacare. Repeal legislation has stalled in the Senate, and Republicans do not want to talk about it on the campaign trail, but a 20 state lawsuit that threatens to gut pre-existing conditions is giving many House and Senate Republican hopefuls that deer-in-the-headlights look.

The Trump administration has given the greenlight to use offensive cyber weapons against bad guy hackers. NSC advisor John Bolton told reporters, "Our hands are not as tied as they were in the Obama administration," in reference to Obama's hesitence to start a cyberwar with basement dwelling jerkoffs and Russians who have no reservations about shutting down power grids in Bumblefuck, America. #MAGA

Maggie Haberman gossips that Republican leaders are concerned Trump's belief in a "Red Wave" will create a disaster this fall and that they'll find themselves without jobs thanks to with idiots like David Bossie and Corey Lewandowski whispering in Trump's ear. Meanwhile, 20-something White House aides are (NO JOKE) listening to Slate's Slow Burn podcast in order to get a handle on what happens during impeachment.

Internal RNC polling shows that nobody likes the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) by a 2-to-1 margin (61 to 30 percent), and that most people rightly believe they unfairly benefit large corporations and the very wealthy. Despite this miserable reality, House Republicans still intend to try and make the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) permanent next week.

A group of Democratic congresswomen have launched a campaign to back pro-choice women as part of the DCCC "Red to Blue" program called "Elect Democratic Women."

While everyone focuses on Beto, a number of downballot seats in Texas have the potential to flip in favor of Democrats. This has Republicans in damage control and pouring money into races, but behind the scenes Democrats are a bit worried about Latino voter turnout in local races after the embarrassing defeat of state Sen. Pete Gallego this week.

A redneck father and son in Texas are charged with murder after shooting their 37-year-old neighbor for trying to throw a twin mattress in a dumpster. Video footage from the victim's partner shows the two men telling the victim, "I'm going to kill you," after being confronted for pulling a gun on the victim's kids.

It's widely expected that Trump will lay a giant steaming turd in the middle of the UN next week when he calls to protect "US sovereignty," and encourages other countries to do the same. So much for peace in our time...

The EU has rejected a UK proposal to keep an economic relationship after Brexit, and now conservatives want the head of British Prime Minister Theresa May after she called the proposal the "only serious and credible proposition on the table."

A Romanian woman pleaded guilty to infecting DC police security cameras with ransomware just prior to the crowning of Trump as God-Emperor the Americas.

Trump's trade war has had the added bonus of helping North Korea ignore international sanctions with the aid of Russia and China as both countries carry out elaborate fuel smuggling operations in the contested waters of the South China Sea.

Anti-vax populists just scored a major win in Italy after legislators passed a measure that allows children to be in school without vaccines. All parents have to do is send their adorable little plague carrier to school with a note that says "vaccinated," no doctor's note required.

The European Center for Press and Media Freedom is warning about far-right protesters assaulting reporters in Eastern Germany. The report stresses video and photojournalists are being singled out, and cautions, "Everyone who can be identified as a journalist ... must expect to be openly attacked." :(

Kellyanne Conway went on CNN and got all butthurt and threatened to walk out of the interview after Chris Cuomo kept having to fact-check all her lies. PPPFFFFF

Scientists at Johns Hopkins doused octopuses with MDMA in the name of science ... and drugs.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Baby Gorilla!

Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!

We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc