Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

The country remains divided following testimony from Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh before the Senate Judiciary Committee. In gut wrenching detail, Dr. Blasey Ford recalled her memory of Kavanaugh's alleged attempted rape in the early 1980s, accusations that Kavanaugh venomously denied in through partisan ranting, stonewalling, and badgering of Democratic senators. Despite Democrats reminding Kavanaugh that he ain't "entitled" to shit, Republicans spent the majority of the hearing trying to avoid calling Ford a liar by grandstanding and yelling. Committee Chair Chuck Grassley remains committed to a committee vote this morning, with a possible procedural floor vote Saturday.

After hearing from Rachel Mitchell, Trump thumbed out applause with his baby hands on Twitter, the good 'ol boys in the GOP huddled to hoot, holler, and backslap, but the jury is still out out five key votes. Red Democrats Heidi Heitkamp and Joe Manchin, and Republicans Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, and outgoing Sen. Jeff Flake quietly met before the hearing, but publicly they're Hamletting on on their final vote.

The conservative bullshit-o-sphere found itself neutered during Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's testimony, but their tone changed immediately after Kavanaugh began gulping down his crocodile tears and Lindsey Graham threw his tantrum. Over in Trump World, they cheered as Kavanaugh stumbled, stalled, and blubbered his way through talking points quickly echoed by Trump's White House.

WaPo reports business as usual ground to a halt during the testimony of Dr. Blasey Ford, with people openly sobbing as others watched in silence as she detailed her allegations to the Senate.

This morning the American Bar Association has called on the Senate Judiciary Committee to stop nomination proceedings, and for the FBI to investigate the sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh. Pity Republicans stopped listening to the ABA years ago when it failed to love Clarence Thomas enough.

Last night the influential Jesuit magazine America rescinded its endorsement of Kavanaugh, stating his nomination "involves the symbolic meaning of his nomination and confirmation in the #MeToo era," and that, "the standard for a nominee to the Supreme Court is far higher; there is no presumption of confirmability. The best of the bad resolutions available in this dilemma is for Judge Kavanaugh's nomination to be withdrawn." What WOULD Jesus Do?

Fun Fact: Orrin Hatch called Ford "attractive" and her testimony, "pleasing," and journalists aren't really sure what to do with that fact.

Though the "jury" is still out on whether or not Kavanaugh will be confirmed, there is already a Vox 'splainer about impeaching a SCOTUS justice as calls for impeaching Justice Clarence Thomas over sexual harassment have been floating around the fringes of the legal world for almost 30 years.

Alexandra Petri has perfectly summed up the rage felt by old white men who DEMAND their BIRTHRIGHT and BEER, and why America doesn't deserve Brett Kavanaugh.

House Republicans are still trying to "You're Fired" Rod Rosenstein and kill the Trump-Russia investigation through subpoenas and document requests of Andrew McCabe and Rosenstein. The House Freedom crazies are demanding classified information (so they can leak it) about Trump idiot Carter Page's secret jaunts to Moscow before the 2016 election.

Yesterday, lawyers for Glenn Simpson, the co-founder of Fusion GPS, told the House Intel Committee to piss off, and called requests to appear before the committee a "sham, factually, substantively and procedurally." They contend Simpson's testimony about THE DOSSIER and Christopher Steele "has now been substantiated," and also please GTFO Devin Nunes, you are just beating a dead horse into a grave.

Things are about to get a lot worse for FEMA administrator "Brock" Long after an internal investigation discovered he wasn't just skipping work with stolen government vehicles and staff to go to North Carolina; he was fucking off to Hawaii, and making drivers chauffeur him around across the country. Yes, even after being warned to knock it the hell off.

The Trump 2020 campaign team is thinking about putting its campaign HQ in Northern Virginia so it's easier for staffers to cut each other's throats and pledge their undying loyalty to their God Emperor.

While Beto O'Rourke has already committed to serving out a full six-year term in the Senate, Ted Cruz refused to make the same pledge, telling the Texas Tribune that he is "focused on the United States." #HesRunning #NobodyLikesTedCruz #TedCruzAteABooger

Virginia Republican Senate candidate and white supremacist Corey Gardner is rebranding himself as a "moderate conservative" and hoping to God that nobody asks him about calling Al Sharpton a "race hustler."

Republican Senate nominee Jim Renacci has been paying a Cleveland-area strip club owner to fly him to more than a dozen campaign events since July. Meanwhile, Democratic Sen. Sherrod Brown continues to slog through the state in a car like a common prole.

Indicted Republican Rep. Duncan Hunter is leading his Democratic opponent Ammar Campa-Najjar in new Monmouth poll in California. Much of the gap seems to be centered around name recognition, since for almost 50 years one Hunter or another has rep'd the district.

A new report from cybersecurity and cryptography experts who advised this year's "Voting Village" at DEFCON have concluded that it's entirely possible malicious assholes could throw elections due to outdated paperless voting machines with severe flaws that never get fixed. Yay...democracy...

China is telling Trump to STFU with his accusations of electoral hacking, arguing he's only trying to save face after his trade war fucked over farmers across the Midwest.

Trump's arbitrary deadline to settle NAFTA renegotiations is being shrugged off by Canada and nerds in the know. Though Trump bitched about Canada treating "us very badly," he spent the week dodging Justin Trudeau at the UN; now nobody is taking his threats seriously.

Bill Cosby, AKA, Inmate NN7687, spent his first day in prison alone and away from other inmates, and will remain isolated. Rumors of Inmate NN7687 being pelted with a stale hot dog bun remain unsubstantiated. (Note: Yeah, the commenting rules remain in effect.)

Elon Musk is being sued by the SEC for misleading investors about taking the company private, and they want to kick his ass out of the company.

Rep. Steve King needed a towel after introducing Jim Hoft, the owner of rightwing conspiracy website Gateway Pundit, before a Congressional committee on internet censorship that Hoft likened to "book burning."

Google CEO Sundar Pichai is in DC to meet with Trump's economic advisor Larry Kudlow, and later with House Republicans, presumably to explain how the internet works for old people who still watch porn on VHS.

And here's your morning Nice Time! BABY GOATS In Sweaters!

Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!

We're 100% ad-free and reader supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc