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LORDY, There Are Tapes? Wonkagenda For Tues., Oct. 1, 2019

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Attorney General Bill Barr has been flying around the world trying to enlist other countries into discrediting US intel agencies' Trump-Russian reports. Barr recently met with officials in Italy, and Trump even tried to lean on the Australian Prime Minister to help in his debunked Ukrainium One conspiracy. In a totally related story, the Kremlin says the Trump White House can't release transcripts of phone calls with Russian President Vladimir Putin because of a "mutual agreement."

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Secretary of State Mike Pompeo sat in on that phone call with the President of Ukraine -- you know, the one he said knew nothing about just last week. That's, bad, isn't it?

After he was subpoenaed by three different House committees yesterday, a very sane and sober Rudy Giuliani went on Hannity to call Joe Biden "a crook" and ramble some weaselly bullshit about "weighing the alternatives" to testifying, then said he had gathered "evidence in the form of "video tapes and tape recordings." LORDY, there are tapes!

Two new polls show nearly half of all Americans think we should #IMPEACH the mother fucker. A new poll out of Quinnipiac University shows support for impeachment jumping significantly among rich, white Republicans. Similarly, a new CNN/SSRS poll shows a dramatic drop in support for Trump among young people, independents, and Republicans. Ever the buzzkill, Nate Silver points out that while Trump's defenders seem to be peeling off, brainwashed Front Row Joes continue to grab each other each other by the pussy. [Q-pac Poll / CNN Poll]

It hasn't even been a month since he was quit-fired, and former national security mustache John Bolton is already going nuclear against the Trump administration. Bolton directly criticized his old boss's approach to North Korea, saying Kim Jong Un had no intention to "denuke." Bolton went on to say that he thinks the administration isn't enforcing sanctions on the hermit kingdom, and the US should just kickstart World War III with some good old fashioned neocon colonialism. [Full CSIS Conference]

The FAA is going to start looking at the size of airplane seats as part of an annual update to airplane safety regulations. Considering the track record of Trumplandia, air safety advocates are expecting things to get worse for people who don't like jockeying for elbow space on a one inch arm wrest.

Devin Nunes is mooing in federal court (again) that reporter Ryan Lizza BESMIRCHED him, and he wants $75 million Ameros. Nunes moos that Lizza's story about the Nunes family moving their dairy farm to Iowa is a big, fat lie and a "hit piece" that's part of a "conspiracy." Nunes adds he never concocted an utterly ridiculous scheme with white supremacist Iowa Rep. Steve King and a dairy publication to "hide his family's secret move to Iowa."

The Trump campaign has spent between $600,000 and $2,000,000 on Facebook ads in just the last seven days. On top of that, Mike Pence's Facebook page has spent more than $700,000 on Facebook ads between September 22 and 28. CNN adds that the Trump campaign has dropped almost $20 million on Facebook ads since it began disclosing political ad spending in May of 2018. Politico reports that Trumplandia's snowflakes have been plotting a digital ad strategy for months by stockpiling cable news footage of people talking about impeachment. Last week it dropped a money beg, 65 million emails, and 12 million texts to net the campaign $8.5 million in two days.

Pete Buttigieg's campaign says it hauled in $19.2 million in the third quarter, with an average donation of about $32. Bernie Sanders's camp is reporting it raised $25.3 million, and transferred an additional $2.6 million from other federal campaign accounts.

Republicans are freaking out about the possibility of a 2020 Texodus. Axios gossips that with the resignation of Rep. Mac Thornberry, the GOP strategists think they're getting their "asses kicked in House races." Ballotpedia notes that 17 House Republicans won't seek re-election.

That 17th Republican not seeking re-election to the House is INDICTED New York Rep. Chris Collins. Yesterday Collins announced he would plead guilty to charges of insider trading, and in a letter to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, he immediately resigned his seat. Collins's insider trading scandal (and laundry list of ethical scandals) are significant as he was the first Republican to publicly endorse Trump, and even doubled down after the release the Access Hollywood tape.

A new Morning Consult poll shows Elizabeth Warren continuing to gain ground among primary voters, now running neck and neck with Sen. Bernie Sanders. In addition, Nate Silver is again pissing all over the rug noting that Joe Biden's polling averages show he hasn't lost any support as a result of the Ukrainium One farce, and that overall his favorability in the Democratic primary hasn't fallen too much. That rug really tied the room together. [Poll]

Former professional wrestler and Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura is still mulling over a possible 2020 run as an independent. Ventura was rambling to local Los Angeles TV talking heads and criticized President Bone Spurs ALLEGEDLY dodging the draft during Vietnam, adding, "I have that voice in the back of my head that says to me, 'if not to me, then who?'" #HesRunning. [Video]

Two prominent Never Trump Republicans are begging their colleagues to repent from the cult of Trump. Jeff Flake is on his knees begging Republicans to save their souls while Bill Kristol (again) is urging his party to dump Trump in 2020 and pick a real Republican, presumably the the ghost of Richard Nixon, or the corpse of Ronald Reagan.

China's Communist Party is celebrating its 70th year in power with a big, Soviet-style military parade. China's obsession with flashing its big dong-class ICBMs, planes and tanks comes amid violent clashes throughout the streets of Hong Kong where police are using live ammo, tear gas, water cannons, and brutal public beatings to fight off pro-democracy protesters who are now largely peaceful (though some are throwing bricks and gas bombs at armored riot police). At least one protester has been shot by police this morning, and there are now scattered reports of police attempting to kettle protesters and journalists.

A Chinese man convicted of human trafficking who escaped a prison labor camp 17 years ago has been found living in a remote mountain cave in China's south-western Yunnan province. Police say the man had been living without human contact for so long that he had difficulty speaking.

Elon Musk has a new space ship. The huge stainless steel winged sky penis looks like he ran out of ideas and began rummaging through old sci-fi magazines from the 1950s.

Science bozos say someone screwed up a long time ago and that red and processed meats really aren't that bad for you. Dietitians and animal lovers are angry that nerds are messing with dinner plates (again), but hot dog vendors are loving it.

Here's a lovely profile on Elizabeth Warren, her husband, and their 16-month-old golden retriever.

And here's your morning Nice Time: SUPER POWERED SEA OTTERS!

Sea Otter Superpowers www.youtube.com


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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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