Imagine our surprise this morning when we awoke to yet another raging dumpster fire. Since it's the weekend and we have fabulous parties to attend, we can't get into the dirty details right now, but we can't let these fly under the radar either. So here's a couple of things that we might talk about after we get good and drunk.

Jared Kushner Is A Tax Cheat

The New York Times got its hands on some of Jared's financial documents and found that, like Donald Trump, Jared Kushner doesn't really pay taxes. Even though he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars, Jared used loopholes in the tax system to avoid paying nearly any federal income tax in "at least five of the past eight years." Because the tax code has been written (and rewritten) in favor of real-estate developers, Kushner tells the IRS that his company is operating at a loss to keep their skyscrapers nice and shiney. The kicker is that Jared bought his skyscraper with someone else's money, and this allows him to say that he's poor (on paper).

The result: Mr. Kushner is getting tax-reducing losses for spending someone else's money, which is permitted under the tax code. Depreciation deductions are available in other industries, but they generally don't get to take losses related to spending with borrowed money.

Since the tax code is even more favorable to real estate developers following the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich), people like Jared technically aren't breaking any laws. And since the IRS never audits super rich bros like Jared, he'll probably never get in trouble for ripping off taxpayers. 'MERICA!

Melania Finally Admits She Gives Zero Fucks About Baby Jails

In a seemingly unscripted or rehearsed interview with ABC News, Melania Trump says that she loves "shithole countries," and wishes people would #BeBest on the interwebs. She also tried to slutshame non-profits that don't want to work with the Trump administration, but declined to name names. Instead Melon only said, "They know who they are." OOOOoooh, so spoopy!

Melon also stated that there WAS a hidden message behind JacketGate. That the message wasn't aimed at the kids in her husband's baby jails (she thinks some Not Americans are bad hombres) but rather it was...

For the people and for the left-wing media who are criticizing me. I want to show them that I don't care. You could criticize whatever you want to say, but it will not stop me to do what I feel is right.

We are hurt! WE ARE SHAMED! WE...really don't give a fuck about Melon Trump. We also don't think PR stunts are marks of charity. #BeBest

The LA County Sheriff's Department Thinks All The Mexicans Are Drug Mules

An extensive investigation by the LA Times shows an apparent racial bias by the LA County Sheriff's Department against Latino drivers along a rural 40-mile stretch of the 5 Freeway just north of LA. The Sheriff's Department said they'll look into the allegations of racial profiling after being confronted with data that showed almost 70 percent of the 9,2000 drivers they stopped were Latino, compared with 40 percent of the 378,000 people stopped by the California Highway Patrol. The Times also notes that courts have deputies have a bad habit of regularly stepping on the law in some drug arrests, with one judge noting that he had doubts about a deputy's "magical psychological powers."

We're Probably Going To War-War With China

Trump's trade war with China has gotten so out of hand that some foreign policy geeks are openly speculating about a shooting war with the Chinese. Last week there was an ALLEGED serious hardware hack reported by Bloomberg that Apple, Amazon, DHS, and the Chinese absolutely deny -- but now the security of supply chains on everything from chachques to military weapon systems is being questioned. At the same time, Mike Pence accused China (not Russia) of hacking US elections, and making Donald Trump look like a big, fat, loser. Now the US has arrested a third Chinese dude for economic espionage, and tightened up regulations on Not Americans investing in US businesses. Meanwhile, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin is warning the Chinese government against a "competitive devaluation" of its currency as a way to avoid Trump's trade war. And that's just this week!

ALL THIS has led Gen. John Allen, president of the Brookings Institution, to tell Axios:

As it turns out trade wars are not easy, as some have proclaimed. And when you have the two most consequential nations on the planet trading increasingly damaging blows, accompanied with increasingly inflammatory rhetoric, the race to the bottom will be harmful to Americans and Chinese alike.

Trump Has Mean Words For His Best Customers In Saudi Arabia

Trump is threatening "severe punishment" for Saudi Arabia, if a US investigation finds Saudi agents killed WaPo columnist Jamal Khashoggi, in an interview set to air on CBS's "60 Minutes."

It's being investigated, it's being looked at very, very strongly. And we would be very upset and angry if that were the case. As of this moment, they deny it, and they deny it vehemently. Could it be them? Yes. We're going to get to the bottom of it, and there will be severe punishment.

The Saudi government released a statement denying that they sent a team of 15 people to murder Khashoggi at the Saudi embassy in Istanbul, adding that they look forward to working with the Turkish government to resolve Khashoggi's disappearance. Shortly after that statement was released, the Turkish government announced they had recordings of Khashoggi's torture and murder from an Apple Watch that Khashoggi was wearing, but tech geeks are skeptical. Now Turkey is telling the Saudi's that they want poke around the consulate in Istanbul where Khashoggi was last seen.

BONUS: Turkey also released US pastor Andrew Brunson who had been imprisoned for two years after being accused of aiding Kurdish militants. Brunson could have been released sooner, but Trump refused to, "make deals for hostages."

FUN FACT: The US STILL does not have a diplomat for Saudi Arabia or Turkey, and Trump's State Department would really appreciate it if you'd stop bringing that up!

Trump Finds A New TV Lawyer

WaPo just reported that Trump is expected to replace Don McGahn with conservative swamp monster, commercial lawyer, and "godfather" to Laura Ingraham, Pat Cipollone. Emmet Flood gonna be PISSED!

Here's some cute fuzzies and your open thread!

Booiioongiiingooingg! 😐

(📹: ollieleethecorgi) pic.twitter.com/gmsYCLp5Ps
— Cute Emergency (@CuteEmergency) October 13, 2018

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