SPOOKY. Wonkagenda For Wed., Oct. 31, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Mourners packed synagogues to honor and remember the victims of Saturday's anti-Semitic massacre in Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill neighborhood.

Trump tried to keep an uncharacteristically low profile on his hastily stitched together trip to the the Tree of Life synagogue yesterday. Several hundred protesters greeted Trump and his entourage that included Javanka and Steve Mnuchin as evidence that he loves the Jews.

Jared and Ivanka have spearheaded Trump's response to the shooting by reminding people that they're both Jews. The executive director of the Republican Jewish Coalition, Matthew Brooks, tells the New York Times, "It's grossly unfair to call them 'court Jews.'"

Mike Pence's favorite rabbi isn't even a real rabbi because he was stripped of rabbinic ordination over a decade ago for telling Jews that they were all going to hell if they didn't get down on their knees for Jesus.

As a result of Trump and Republicans slicing up healthcare protections ahead of open enrollment tomorrow, many states may see higher health insurance premiums and the return of so-called junk insurance plans as millennials opt out of insurance pools, potentially imploding the insurance marketplace. #MAGA

With days to go before the midterm elections, you can expect Trump to just start chumming the waters with red meat in order to keep his base terrified and outraged. Birthright citizenship is just the start.

Rep. Paul Ryan said Trump's birthright citizenship proposal was stupid and unconstitutional, then had the nerve to tell Trump that he "obviously" can't govern by executive order. This prompted Tucker Carlson to spend 15 minutes bitching out Ryan for "obviously" letting immigrants into our country, and "obviously" lecturing the class about lawyerings. Obviously.

George Conway and Neal Katyal have an op-ed in WaPo eviscerating Trump's move to revoke birthright citizenship granted by the 14th Amendment.

Trump's White House is being gutted as staffers sign on to his 2020 campaign in an effort to fight off potential primary challenges from Sen. Ben Sasse, Gov. Charlie Baker, and Gov. Larry Hogan.

Montana Democratic Sen. Jon Tester is in the fight for his political life as conservatives pummel him with negative ads, and Trump relentlessly screams for carpetbagger Matt Rosendale. Yesterday, Tester released an ad highlighting "junk insurance" that features Tester talking about how he lost his fingers in a meat grinder.

Iowa's Republican and white supremacist Rep. Steve King was put on blast by the National Republican Congressional Committee's Rep. Steve Stivers following King's endorsement of a white nationalist mayoral candidate in Toronto, and King's interview with a known white supremacist outlet. New polling indicates King's reelection chances are dropping as fast as his fundraising numbers. This morning, Axios is reporting the ADL has asked Paul Ryan to strip King of his subcommittee chairmanship and censure him for "anti-Semitic and offensive" crap.

Beto has an op-ed in Essence calling for more maternal healthcare benefits, and urging people to address the rising maternal mortality rates among black mothers.

Tribal leaders are working overtime get ID cards in the hands Native Americans ahead of the election, but they keep hitting walls, like Standing Rock Sheriff Frank Landeis, and clerks who won't even tell them the right ink color on absentee ballots.

E-cigarette company Juul seems to have found big tobacco's old playbook. Juul tried to pay as much as $20,000 for schools to offer meditation courses taught by Juul's own consultants to any kids caught sucking on their mango-flavored and USB-powered douche nozzles.

What's left of the free world is curled up in the fetal position after German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced she won't seek a fifth term in office. WaPo calls this a win for Trump and far right nationalist movements spreading around the world, but as Germany is the largest economy in Europe it's just as likely that a new chancellor could strengthen the EU.

Defense Secretary Mattis and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo are calling for a ceasefire in the Saudi-led war in Yemen within the next 30 days. Mattis and Pompeo are urging both sides to pick up negotiations with UN envoy Martin Griffiths instead of bombing fruit stands and school buses.

The DOJ has indicted 10 Chinese agents for stealing super secret business plans from the aerospace and tech industry. Note their lack of electoral fuckery.

Even if Trump's White House and congressional Republicans don't want to admit it, Russia is still screwing with US elections, and they're only getting better at influencing Americans with propaganda, hiding their tracks, and encouraging other countries to engage their own influence campaigns. #MAGA.

Kanye West says his "eyes are now wide open" and he'll exit the political theater after Candace Owens appropriated his image to sell her "#Blexit" merch. Kanye then shouted into the ether about being used and tweeted his "ACTUAL beliefs."

Last night Facebook banned Gavin McInnes and his self-described "gang," The Proud Boys, citing violations of its policies "against hate organizations and figures." Facebook admits that "some pages/groups may still be up, but will be coming down."

Twitter launched a new election hub for people to find and share news stories, and it's already being flooded by trolls, crack pots, and other assorted bullshit.

A network of over a dozen websites is responsible for a lot of the conservative ramblings spreading on Facebook and Twitter but nobody knows who's responsible. Is it a Florida Man, or Russian trolls?

Infamous Boston mob boss James "Whitey" Bulger was beaten to death in a West Virginia prison. He was 89.

A woman in Australia claims to have had sex with at least 20 ghosts since she was a teenager, and she's engaged to her boo after becoming a member of the Mile High Club. "There was no going down on one knee," according to 30-year-old Amethyst Realm, "he doesn't have knees."

And here's your morning Nice Time! IT'S TOPI!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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