'Consider It A Rifle.' Wonkagenda For Fri., Nov. 2, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

In a 30-minute rambling speech full of flat-out bullshit, Trump railed against the caravan of asylum seeking immigrant families slowly moving through Central America. Trump said that if the caravan -- which is still hundreds of miles and several weeks away -- starts throwing rocks at US troops stationed at the border, "consider it a rifle," an apparent authorization for the use of lethal force. Trump stated that "women don't want them in our country," and added he was already building "massive cities of tents" along the border to house "thousands" of immigrants. [Fact-Check]

Citing internal Pentagon documents, Newsweek reports the Trump administration knows the caravan of asylum-seeking immigrants is unlikely to "invade" the US border "based on historic trends" that show "only a small percentage of migrants will likely reach the border."

The man accused of murdering 11 people in a anti-Semitic rampage at a synagogue in Pittsburgh Saturday pleaded not guilty in federal court to a 44 count indictment, and requested a jury trial. LOCK HIM UP!

New emails from "ratfucker" Roger Stone to Steve Bannon during the 2016 election seem to suggest Stone may have been the middle man for the Trump campaign and Wikileaks, but it's also possible this is another crock of Nixonion bullshit.

At a rally in Columbia, Missouri, last night, Trump complained that his sycophants trying to bomb Democrats and murder Jews curbed his "tremendous momentum" ahead of the midterms. Trump said the biggest tragedy was that the 11 people shot to death and the plot to assassinate Democratic politicians dominated headlines and, "for seven days nobody talked about the elections."

Trump's White House is getting worried that grifty Interior Sec. Ryan Zinke might have crimed one too many times. WaPo reports Trump is worried that Zinke's shady land deal may steal Trump's headlines, which is usually the quickest way to a "You're Fired"-ing.

The military has pressed the "Go" button for US hackers to penetrating Russian systems in preparation for Russian election fuckery. We're not exactly burning anything down (yet), we're just hanging out at the edge of the driveway with a can of gasoline and some matches, calmly telling Putin that he has a lovely house and it would be a shame if something happened to it.

Finance nerds are getting skittish about new economic numbers that suggest the economy could come grinding to a halt thanks to perfect storm of economic conditions that include stagnant wages, Trump's trade war, rising inflation, and sluggish manufacturing. #MAGA

The Center for Investigative Journalism has has a great piece on the startling new (not new) trend among rightwing groups to expose commie America-hating professors who think white supremacy is evil.

During a forum in Iowa yesterday, white supremacist and Republican Rep. Steve King started yelling at a man who asked King to explain how his white supremacist views were different from the Pittsburgh shooter's. King again defended his interview with an Austrian white supremacist group, saying the party leader, Heinz-Christian Strache, had "a little youthful affiliation" with neo-Nazi groups as a kid. On Wednesday, King bragged about his endorsement from Texas Republican Sen. Ted Cruz even as major Iowa businesses began to denounce King and his Nazi bullshit.

On Halloween Cruz's Twitter account joked that he was a serial killer when it tweeted out a Zodiac Killer-styled Halloween message. LOLOL, it's funny because they're both sociopaths!

Nebraska Republican Rep. Jeff Fortenberry is so ANGRY about a picture of him with googly eyes that reads, "Jeff Fartenberry." He's so ANGY that his chief of staff, William "Reyn" Archer III, threatened a political professor who "Liked" the "Fartenberry" picture on Facebook, even going so far as tattling to University of Nebraska and accusing the professor of supporting vandalism. [Audio]

Karen Spranger, a former Detroit area public official, suggested installing toilets with poop eating worms as a way to save money according to depositions from whistleblowers who say Spranger wanted "just a hole in the ground, and you place fecal eating worms inside of this hole. No plumbing."

The DOJ has indicted a Chinese and a Taiwanese company, and three other people, as well as a civil suit, in an economic espionage case. The Chinese say the charges are bogus and the US has no evidence, but tech nerds said it was nice to see the Trump administration do something good for once.

In response to rising escalations in in the South China Sea and Trump's trade war, the Chinese have upped their hacking game with cyber attacks that make Russia's Twitter trolls look like snarfly puppies.

Trump's trade war may be coming to a close according to a report in Bloomberg that says Trump wants his cabinet to draw up terms of surrender. Not everyone is buying the story, however, as some economists think this is just another smoke bomb to distract everyone before the elections.

David Brooks traveled to 23 states in three months and all he got was this lousy column about people in rural America really liking Republicans. Great job, Captain Obvious.

Dame Peggington rolled her thumb across the lipstick smear on her empty highball glass and began to recall her younger and more formidable years. A time when only eloquent men were leaders. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the damp cocktail napkin and grimaced at the silent TV. Even with the sound off she could still hear his voice shouting into the ether. Was this her fault? Are complacent people like her responsible? With a sigh, she pushed the thought aside with another finger of gin and fixed her bonnet before the other Handmaidens could return.

Thousands of Google employees at a dozen campuses across the world protested against the company's handling of sexual misconduct, and in support of equal treatment for women. "HEY-HO, creepy dudes have got to go!"

And here's your morning Nice Time! KAKAPOR!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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