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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Trump's DOJ is expected to give a full-throated endorsement of acting AG Matthew Whitaker after people started wondering if a snake oil salesman could/should serve as the nation's top cop. Citing moves by the Bush 43 White House, the DOJ is expected to say there's a long history of temporarily naming random, unqualified bootlickers to government positions, even if they have serious conflicts of interest in ongoing investigations into the president and an FBI investigation into their grifty companies.

Conspiracy peddling douche nozzle Jerome Corsi says he's expecting to be indicted for "supporting Donald Trump" after falling into Robert Mueller's "perjury trap." Mueller ALLEGEDLY ensared Corsi with his own emails and phone records. Apparently Corsi, the proto-birther and head Swift Boater, lied to federal investigators, if you can even believe such a thing. Guess Corsi didn't check himself before he wrecked himself.

Trump is expected to "You're Fired" Kirstjen Nielsen on the belief that she didn't put enough Mexicans in baby jails, tent cities, or help him build his damn wall. The rumor mill on the Hill has says Trump wants Kris Kobach to head DHS, but his inner-half-circle wants someone who has already been confirmed by the Senate in order to avoid any more self-inflicted wounds.

The head of grifty bastard/Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke is also on the chopping block over more reports that he's a crooked, lazy sumbitch who's taken over 66 days of personal leave, yet still manages to steal headlines from Trump.

Arizona Democratic Rep. Kyrsten Sinema is your new Arizona Senator after securing more than enough votes to defeat Republican Rep. Martha McSally. In a speech last night, Sinema said it was a victory against "petty personal attacks." McSally conceded the election in a tweet and wished Sinema "all success," because she knows the Republican governor could always appoint her fill the half-vacant seat of John McCain. There is also a movement to draft McSally's very good doggo for 2020.

The caravan of asylum-seeking Mexican Muslims threatening to invade the Southern border with taco trucks has begun to split up as migrants begin to form smaller groups and head to different ports of entry. The groups are expected to reach the border in about a week where they'll be greeted by a bunch of soldiers who would rather be playing video games.

Talks with China have resumed in Trump's trade war, but don't expect anyone to back down. Trump's idiotic negotiators are skeptical of any deal China proposes, and Chinese officials aren't expected to cut a deal until someone puts a leash on Trump.

David Vela, Trump's pick to lead the National Park Service, is expected to get chewed out today over his idea to limit protests in DC, and charge protesters for using government resources. So much for the First Amendment!

Mississippi Republican Rep. Cindy Hyde-Smith dodged questions about her "public hanging" comments during a presser yesterday, repeatedly telling reporters that she'd already put out a statement. The presser went about as well as you'd expect.

Iowa's recently reelected white supremacist Rep. Steve King dared the conservative Weekly Standard to release an audio tape of him making racist jokes, so it did. On Saturday. After the election.

The general consensus is that every Democrat is now running in 2020. Yesterday there were reports that Ohio Sen. Sherrod Brown is considering a possible White House run, and former Clinton advisor Mark Penn penned an op-ed saying #ShesRunning (again).

Russian election fuckery was curiously muted during the 2018 midterms and nobody is sure why. It could be because Russia is cooking up new schemes, it could be that Russia couldn't figure out the hot mess of midterm elections, and it could be that Republicans are still better at voter suppression than Vladimir Putin.

Yesterday the NYTimes reported that a member of the Saudi kill team can be heard on the phone saying, "tell your boss," following the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. National Security mustache John Bolton says he hasn't heard Turkey's purported audio tape of the Saudi's murdering Khashoggi, but the best people are telling him the tape doesn't implicate Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

The rightwing British press says Prime Minister Theresa May has "48 hours" to press the Brexit button amid growing calls for a second referendum on not fucking up European stability. Last night lawmakers were up into the wee hours trying to hammer out an "endgame," noting their "cautious optimism" about reaching a deal on the critical issue of the Irish border. But they're still at an impasse. Conservatives are calling for "mutiny," and being egged on by child-punching jackass Boris Johnson, who says the failure to Brexit is being, "stage managed." TLDR: Brexiters are daft, Trumpian idiots who want to cash in on the chaos.

Facebook has capitulated to French President Emmanuel Macron and will work with the French government to curb hate speech for six months starting in 2019. In making the announcement, Macron proposed a "European" model of the Internet, noting that "There's a Californian Internet and a Chinese Internet," and middle ground must be established if we're ever going to punch the Nazis off the web.

Google has NO IDEA why internet traffic was momentarily rerouted through a state-owned Chinese telecom yesterday, but it quickly began slamming in to the Great Firewall and setting off all sorts of nerd alerts. WEIRD!

Contrary to the opinions of fascist skid marks and basement dwelling misogynists, Oculus founder and tech douche Palmer Luckey wasn't fired by Facebook for being a creepy douchebag who bankrolled pro-Trump trolls. Nope, Luckey was fired for stealing trade secrets from another tech company. Yesterday, Luckey told a WSJ conference that there were MANY douche-bros in Silicon Valley who want to work on killer robots, but they just don't shitpost on social media or drive around Menlo Park in Humvees with a turret and plastic machine guns.

Jeff Bezos tricked you all! Amazon picked not one, but TWO East Coast cities for its new headquarters: Crystal City in Arlington, Virginia, and Long Island in New York City. LOL, over 200 mayors groveled at Bezos' feet, and he just farted in their faces! Suckers.

Michelle Obama says she stopped trying to smile at Donald Trump during the 2017 inauguration, even if the "optics" looked bad. Michelle does say tried to continue the tradition of former First Ladies by offering to help Melon Trump adjust to being FLOTUS, but Melon never bothered to call. A statement from Melon's spox says that Melon is a "strong and independent woman" who only needs her man. #BeBest [Video]

Comic book legend Stan Lee passed away yesterday. He was 95. :(

And here's your morning Nice Time! OMG, it's seven minutes of A KITTEN! OMG OMG OMG

Wise www.youtube.com


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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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