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Rude Boys. Wonkagenda For Mon., Dec. 9, 2019

News

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


By the time you read this the House Judiciary Committee will be getting ready for more impeachment hearings. Today's hearings will be a rehash of Season One of the Ukrainium hearings, featuring Dan Goldman and Stephen Castor, Democratic and Republican lawyers for the House Intel Committee respectively, presenting evidence for and against impeachment. Here's the link for the C-SPAN video feed. As usual, Evan will be slaving away on a liveblog, so go join him after you finish up here!

Justice Department Inspector General Michael Horowitz's investigation into the FBI investigation of Trump-Russia fuckery in 2016 is expected to be released today, and the scuttlebutt is that it TOTALLY EXONERATES federal investigators.

Two blockbuster stories about Rudy Giuliani are out this morning. First, The Washington Post details how Rudy has been pushing the administration to appoint ousted Virginia Republican Rep. Scott Taylor as ambassador to Qatar. (FUN FACT: One of Taylor's aides is facing charges of election fraud, and details are still murky about Taylor's involvement in the scheme -- Taylor denied the charges, and claimed "vindication" after the staffer was indicted.)

In other Rude boy news, The New York Times details how Giuliani's stumbles around the world started shortly after Trump stole won the election in 2016, drunkenly telling people he wanted to be secretary of State. Former Trump officials say they did their damnedest to keep Rudy from getting his Scotch-covered finger prints on the controls of the Trump train, believing he'd drive the whole thing off a cliff.

The Washington Post has published thousands of pages of documents and hundreds of interviews that reveal the war in Afghanistan has been a colossal clusterfuck, and Uncle Sam has been lying to the American people about it across three administrations. The documents reveal the staggering corruption, ignorance, and hubris of the US and Afghan political and war machines. In any other reality, this would be the top story for weeks. Fun Fact: Ronan Farrow warned us about this last year (when he wasn't busy exposing Hollywood scumbags).

House Democrats are accusing the administration of deliberately withholding recovery aid to Puerto Rico. The charge comes after HUD officials testified in October that HUD knowingly missed a September deadline to release recovery funds, and failed to include Puerto Rico in notice to disaster affected states. Whenever someone wakes him from his nap, Ben Carson has parroted Trump's accusations that Puerto Rico is corrupt, citing "fiscal irregularities" and the state's "capacity to manage these funds." In reality, the state's "corruption" stems from a century of crony capitalism that exploited the country until it collapsed, and then came the hurricanes. (As usual there's a failed Trump golf course. There's always a failed Trump golf course. )

The growing rivalry between Sen. Elizabeth Warren and South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg hit a fever pitch this weekend. Butters had been knocking Warren about cash she made as a lawyer working for corporate grease balls back in the 1980s, so Warren released documents detailing how she netted a cool $1.9 million ... since 1986. Butters's attempt to knock Warren might have been a deflection from his own problem of glossing over his time at a shady consulting firm, McKinsey Co, so he released a half-assed statement saying he may or may not have done things for people and/or businesses that may or may not have involved some math. Vox 'splains how this only raises even more questions about the stuff he can't/won't talk about.

After spending the last several months as the butt of 2020 polls and jokes, New Age magician Marianne Williamson (D - Crazy Town) spent the weekend pissing off fact checkers and journalists by attempting to rival Trump's Twitter tirades. In a series of shitposts, Williamson rambled that she found the term "ANTI-VACCINE" offensive, called herself "pro-science," and made up new bullshit for the anti-vaxxers to cling to like guns and religion. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! Early this morning Williamson claimed Trump had pardoned Charles Manson (for reals). She later retracted the comment in a follow-up tweet, then deleted both the claim and the apology.

Mike Bloomberg had a "please clap" moment this weekend, but political wizards are still warning that Bloomers' gigantic pile of money and tremendous ego makes him a formidable candidate who's likely to be around for awhile.

Foreign service officers wrapped up in the impeachment hearings and (almost inevitable) Senate trial are facing absurd legal fees. Bottom Line: These are civil servants on a government salary, they can't afford a long trial. It's not like they're career politicians or wealthy real estate grifters,

SNL had a cold open with Alec Baldwin, Paul Rudd, James Cordon, and a jar of runny mayonnaise as foreign leaders making fun of Trump at NATO, but Nancy Pelosi's "aggressive-aggressive" prayer for Trump was much better.

Weekend Update: Nancy Pelosi Prays for Donald Trump - SNL www.youtube.com


And here's your morning Nice Time: LULU VS THE MACHINES!

Cats vs Vacuum www.youtube.com


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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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