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Happy Kwanzaa and Boxing Day, Wonketariat! We'll be slow-posting with both Evan and Dok out, so just consider it "artisanal." Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Because he seems to be devoid of a soul, Trump questioned a seven-year-old girl's belief in Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, saying that it was "marginal" for her to believe a magical fat man can singlehandedly save the world by scaring people into being good, for goodness sake.

Trump cheerfully called America a "disgrace" on Christmas. The mad king then continued to hold the country hostage by demanding someone pay for his damn wall. Trump then criticized the Fed (again), and said of the falling stock market, "I think it's a tremendous opportunity to buy." Trump also criticized House Democrats for "presidential harassment," and flailed and railed about James Comey.

With Trump refusing to take up any negotiations to reopen the government unless he gets WALL, Politico reports many congressional legislators are bracing for a government shutdown that could last well into the New Year, with Sen. Pat Roberts advising legislators to "hunker down like a jackass in a hailstorm and just take it."

Fact Check: Over the last several days, Trump has claimed that his administration is building a border wall, or a fence, "or whatever you want to call it," however the New York Times has a decent infographic on existing border measures.

An eight-year-old Guatemalan boy detained by CBP died in a New Mexico hospital on Christmas Eve. It's unknown what caused the boy's death, but CBP reports the boy was initially diagnosed with a common cold at an area hospital, remanded back into CBP custody, then readmitted to the hospital several hours later. :(

Democrats are already targeting Martha McSally in 2020 with a number of candidates, including astronaut Mark Kelly, a turncoat Republican, and several House reps who are already sniping at each other in the press.

Judd Legum reports the ongoing election fuckery in the North Carolina 9th was so bad that the sleazeball at the center of it all, Leslie McCrae Dowless, bragged about a "a new trick" where he was throwing absentee ballots in the trash. Legum reports that the county Board of Elections was working in cahoots with Dowless. According to sworn affidavits, Dowless was allowed to copy absentee ballot request forms, and abused open records laws to gain access to data that allowed him to target black voters.

A former Florida sheriff's deputy who was rehired as a school resource officer killed his family before turning a gun on himself in front of the local high school. Tragically, his six-year-old granddaughter, wife, and daughter didn't have guns to defend themselves.

Chicago has canceled its 2019 Women's March citing a lack of volunteers and high costs. The cancelation comes as the group's national leaders face charges of anti-semitism for praising Louis Farrakhan (among other things). This is why we can't have nice things!

It's not just the US: Global markets are in a free fall and analysts are worried they could continue to fall well into the New Year as production slows throughout the Americas, Europe and Asia. This morning the WSJ reports US farmers can expect even more losses after the new TPP kicks into gear and lowers trade duties for 11 of the US's largest competitors throughout the Pacific, including Japan, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and Chile.

The New York Times seems to have dug up the podiatrist who diagnosed Trump with "bone spurs." Records show that the Queens-based doctor had Fred Trump as a landlord, and would often brag about a quid-pro-quo agreement. HHMMMM!

The Christmas story Trump and Pence heard at the National Cathedral was all about Jesus being a refugee and migrant child fleeing from dictator. WaPo reports the sermon was written long before the First and Second families suddenly decided to go to the progressive, anti-gun and LGBTQ-friendly house of worship.

And here's your morning Nice Time! X-Mas RATS!

Rats Get A Christmas Treat! | Cities: Nature's New Wild | BBC Earth www.youtube.com

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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