12 People Pretty Sure This Fellow Tried To Kill All These Children, Not Sure About The One He Succeeded With


The jury in the Michael Dunn case -- the man in Florida who fired 10 shots at a car full of teenagers becausethey were black he was "scared" of their loud music, before heading back to his hotel, ordering a pizza, and declining to phone up the police -- has come back with guilty verdicts for four charges of shooting a gun and attempted murder (the teenagers he did not succeed in killing), and a hung jury on murder in the first degree (the boy he did). This means they also deadlocked on lesser included charges, such as manslaughter -- meaning at least one person on the jury agreed that Michael Dunn was reasonably scared for his life while shooting 10 bullets at a car speeding away, and with no return fire.

Jordan Davis would have been 19 tomorrow.

The jury did not hear from Michael Dunn's neighbor, a fellow who along with his wife said Michael Dunn had at least two wives (not at the same time) who would run to the neighbors after he beat them and held guns to their heads. (If you are feeling bad about humanity right now, the interview in full will remind you that even in Florida, there are good people who will extend a helping hand to people in need. Even people in need who are from Mexico.) CNN's lawyer-guests (including George Zimmerman's lawyer, Mark O'Mara, who was completely disgusted by Dunn, if that tells you anything) assumed this neighbor wasn't heard from because of the prejudicial nature of the testimony -- but that once Dunn introduced testimony about his swell and peaceful character, Angela Corey, the state attorney could have rebutted it. Our own lawyer-expert, this guy Jesse Taylor you might have heard of, says nah dude it was all hearsay, duh and completely inadmissible ever. Maybe CNN should try booking Jesse Taylor sometime! (Also, the neighbor is avowedly and fiercely anti-gun, in Florida. The interview really is something.)

Dunn claimed he acted in self defense, under Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law. On the upside, we have only seen one asshole on Twitter save her salty tears for poor Michael Dunn, in the name of "love" and "healing" and "what good does it do for him to rot in prison." The obvious answer -- that with one less person on the streets who loves shooting at children, maybe a few more children won't be shot at -- did not seem to have occurred to her. Must be too many love rays swirling around her head. As for Michael Dunn, Jordan Davis's mother forgives him. She is a better woman than we are.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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