12 Things Gifzette Will Miss About the 2012 GOP Primary


12) That time Michele Bachmanncompared herself to a serial killer.

11) Stress-eating at the mere sight of Chuck Todd's facial hair.

10) Donald Trump's very good relationship with "the blacks."

9) Jon Huntsman speaking Mandarin.

8) "The Original, Famous Ron Paul Survival Kit."

7) Tim Pawlenty. (He was so benign!)

6) "Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It's never easy when so much is on the line. I believe these words came from the Pokemon movie."

5) Newt Gingrich lecturing black people.

4) Newt Gingrich lecturing journalists.

3) Newt Gingrich lecturing unemployed inner city elementary school students.

2) "I'm proud of my gun. And I pooed in space."

1) But mostly I will miss you guys! Because I'm sad to say this is my last day at Wonkette: I've decided to shutter The Gifzette, which means my days as a daily syndicated Wonketeer must come to an end. Do know that I loved doing it so very much, it's just that my friends have asked that I kindly figure out a way to be able to stay out at night past 8 p.m.

But! Ken has very graciously extended me the chance to moonlight here in the future, so you guys haven't heard the last from me just yet (at least, that is, until I emerge from the corner of my apartment where I will be curled up in the fetal position for the next nine months until November 6 has come and gone). Until then, you can always find me ranting about politics on Twitter and even sometimes on that Tumblr thing. Thanks guys!!

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is Sad, but should also teach young people about starting their own daily news service that requires them to get up at 5 a.m. before going to their *real job*. Also, look for that other famous slacker, Jim Newell, in the morning slot as of Monday!


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc