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The kindergartners are having active shooter drills. They are hiding in the closets, crying and messing their pants. We traumatize them every day, to keep them "safe." But what should we do, NOT teach our babies to rush the bad man? (Yes. We should not teach our babies to rush the bad man.)

For years now, Moms Demand and Everytown for Gun Safety and Gabrielle Giffords and her husband Astronaut Mark have been trying to save America from itself -- to change it from the kind of country that lets forty-seven of its children get shot with guns EVERY DAY. To change it from the kind of nation that doesn't even charge the adults who leave their guns around their children, who then do the utterly expected. And we watch and wish it could be different, but the NRA is too powerful, there is nothing we can do, we might as well just lie down and die, in a shower of lead.

But the Parkland kids -- they would NOT BE IGNORED, DAN. They are fierce and powerful and FUCKING MAGNIFICENT, and as they start college -- they're barely in college! -- they are dragging the rest of us along for a master class in ENOUGH, while it's the NRA that is weakened and dying.


In March, we drove from Montana to DC to kiss the children on their beautiful faces. We gave them IMPEACH hats, and bought 'spensive pizzas, and we wept. The old black lady wept. The old white man with the cauliflower nose sobbed. My husband pretended he did not cry, but he cried. We were there only to back them up. They have made this fight, they have done the work, they have grown up in a hot fucking second through no choice of their own. They needed to know that we -- so wishy-washy in our middle-age, so sure the NRA was unbeatable and that we CAN'T -- were changed by their fury, just as they were.

This is what I wrote then, when you, our readers, sent us there in our ridiculous RV:

But we can have their backs -- the 88-year-old man on the train whose sign said OLD PEOPLE VOTE EVERY SINGLE TIME, and all the middle-aged mothers like me, and the husbands who cherish their children but for real, not like how Donald Trump "cherishes" a woman. And there are so many of us, so many millions, and we will vote, and we will end our nation's insane bloodlust at the ballot box. I have never felt more hope and joy -- okay, the morning after Obama's election, but that's the ONLY time in my 45 years when there was such a clarity of goodness in our nation's collective heart.

My mom was born in Hawaii, and is the same age as Obama's mother, so she feels like he is her child too -- the child of her entire generation. I feel the same way about these marvelous, brave, beautiful teens. They're all of ours, they belong to us.

And we will do this for them, and we will do it behind them, will have their goddamn backs for once, because our babies are FUCKING MAGNIFICENT.

And November came, and for once I was right.

Thank you for being our friend.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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