Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Is Part Of A Complete Breakfast

popular
Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Is Part Of A Complete Breakfast

Cheeto (in the sink) and Boothe. These are their default "mom's in the bathroom" perches. — Courtesy of Wonkette Operative Heather

Good morning!

I brought you breakfast today, sort of! In honor of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, I brought you this old timey Alpha-Bits commercial starring the Jackson 5 in what I think are like, pilgrim leotards? Not sure!

1970s Alpha Bits Cereal (Jackson 5)www.youtube.com

I don't know if Alpha-Bits still exist, but they were not good. Did not care for them and honestly do not know anyone who did. I was a Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cracklin' Oat Bran gal myself (Shut up, it tastes like oatmeal cookies and you can eat it at a normal pace without worrying about it getting soggy, and thus a totally normal thing for a child to enjoy).

And here are your top ten stories of the week!

10. The Sin-Ugly Johnny Depp Victory Over The Worst Woman Who Ever Lived We Guess

9. DNC Lawyer Acquitted In Durham Investigation, Wingers Declare FLAWLESS VICTORY!

8. MOMS

7. MyPillow Guy Pretty Mad Election Got Stoled In, Um, Wyoming

6. Real Wonder Woman Flings Lasso Of Truth At Homophobic A-Hole, Shakes It Around Buncha Times

5. 'Fox & Friends' Has Weird Ice Cream Man Friend Who'd Like Some Loosened Child Labor Laws, Please

4. Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Key West Mai Tai!

3. Memorial Day 2022: We’re Making No Promises This Year

2. Wonkette Memorial Day Weekend Chat Is Sick Of The Damn Guns

1. Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Is All You're Getting Today (SO META)

Did reading these stories give you a sudden urge to shower us with money and jewels? If so, you can join our Patreon, or buy our merch, or do your Amazon shopping through our link.

You can even send us paper checks to

Wonkette

PO Box 38273

Detroit MI 48238

OR use this handy widget below! Just click the amount you want to donate, click one-time or monthly, and then be sure to click "Paypal" if you are Paypal or "Stripe" if you don't have Paypal, or your money will not go through!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc