READ FASTER, YOU FILTHY BUMS: Hey, remember how the Troopergate report was supposed to come out today, and how it could be grand? Well there's a slight technical problem in Alaska that's causing some delay: illiteracy. You know, "not reading good." These lawmaker fairies on a legislative council in Alaska are meeting to vote on whether or not to release the full 263-page report to the public, and they are taking their goddamn TIME parsing that thing. Surely there's a Cliff's Notes or something?? Just hurry, con sarn it. This Friday night news isn't going to dump itself. UPDATE: "The Legislative Council just voted 12-0 to release the report, excerpt for certain parts they consider confidential." And now we will wait another seventeen years for reporters to read it. [Anchorage Daily News]


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