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  • REGARDING THE FAT DUMB SWANS OF MARYLAND: This is the only important news story of the day, or year: "Everyone loves swans in Maryland! They're very pretty. But some of them are mute! Those ones... well they are not so pretty and must be killed immediately... That means shooting adults or snapping their necks, and coating eggs with vegetable oil to suffocate embryos." [NBC Washington]
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