• VIRGINIA COPS, THEY AIN'T TOO SMART: "Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been charged with animal cruelty involving the fondling of a K-9 dog and videotaping the two incidents ... 'Essentially, he was touching the dog’s penis with his hand,' Beasley said. 'The others were there filming it. That’s actually how we learned of it — there’s a video.'" Oh fine, one more funny sentence: "'I would characterize it as hazing,' he said, claiming that Thompson was told by the others, 'If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it.'" [Culpeper Star-Exponent, the best name in newspaper history]

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