Donate

We are still PISSED about Paul Manafort's slap on the wrist/free handjob sentence in the Eastern District of Virginia, handed down by Judge T.S. Ellis, who can go fuck himself.

Yeah, we know it's not over yet, and that DC Judge Amy Berman Jackson is going to sentence Manafort on Tuesday, and that justice may yet be served. We know that judges have the right to disregard sentencing recommendations when they think they're wrong. And we know that, as Ellis said, aside from Manafort's DECADES OF CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR, he has led a "blameless" life.

Oh wait, we don't know that, even though Ellis stated it as fact, because we are not a fucking moron and we have read a thing or two about Paul Manafort. Perhaps Ellis hasn't. Perhaps Ellis should be sentenced to "Why don't you read Wonkette occasionally and learn about Paul Manafort, you fuckin' jackass."

GRRRRRR.

Here, for no reason at all, are a shit ton of people who fared worse than Paul Manafort, Donald Trump's campaign manager who was convicted of eight felonies in Virginia, who pleaded guilty to many more in DC -- including conspiracy against the United States, as well as an admission of guilt in the 10 felonies he wasn't convicted of in Virginia because of one numbnuts juror -- before he blew the terms of his cooperation deal by willfully lying to prosecutors and the grand jury,


Frederick Turner!

You might not know Frederick Turner, but Judge T.S. Ellis does.

Now sure, mandatory minimums are evil and they require many judges to impose insane sentences that do not fit the crime.

But anyway, Ellis "chafed a bit" at giving that drug dealer 36 years and one month more than he gave Paul Manafort, but it's not like he thought it was an immoral sentence or anything. Hell, other than how the mandatory minimum sentence was "wrong," it had led an otherwise blameless life!

Crystal Mason!

Crystal Mason was convicted of tax fraud in 2011. (So was Paul Manafort, in 2018!) And in 2016, she voted in the presidential election, because, according to her lawyer, she didn't know she wasn't allowed to. Trouble was, she was on probation at the time, from the earlier charge. So she got sentenced to five years in prison for illegally interfering with an election she was not supposed to illegally interfere with, which is one year and one month more than Paul Manafort got.

But maybe if Crystal Mason had just been a white man who meddled in an election by working for the GOP presidential candidate for free while also working for the interests of oligarchs who serve Vladimir Putin, and in the course of that, gave internal polling data to a fucking Russian spy, for reasons still unclear, but that probably involved a handoff to Putin's favorite oligarch Oleg Deripaska in the middle of a historic campaign to undermine American democracy, the judge would have been a little bit more lenient with her.

ALL THESE PEOPLE!

Scott Hechinger, a public defender in Brooklyn, went on a wee tweetstorm in response to the Manafort sentencing, telling stories about his clients and his colleagues' clients and others, all of whom fared worse for much lower level crimes than Paul Manafort did:




Maybe if all those people had expensive meathead lawyers who filed sentencing recommendations that said NO COLLUSION, they wouldn't have gotten off so bad.

Hell, maybe if they had rolled up in a wheelchair and cried about their gout while failing to apologize for their crimes ...

HUNG PICKPOCKETS!

No foolin', we said HUNG PICKPOCKETS, because Judge T.S. Ellis said it, before he gave Paul Manafort a big noogie and said GET OUTTA HERE, YOU RASCAL.

OK maybe he was talking about "hanged pickpockets," and not pickpockets with big pantrockets. But the point stands, that Ellis said they used to hang pickpockets.

Although we imagine if pickpockets were old white men with money and they were pickpocketing in service of a hostile foreign power, Ellis would decline to hang them.

For more stories like this, check out the internet!

Start here!

We are just saying.

We are just saying.

The End.

The end.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. Click below to keep the lights on, please. We appreciate you, most of the time.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc