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A Children's Treasury Of Conservative Reactions To This Poor Guy Having a Cellphone Near Michelle Obama

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Aww, Michelle Obama went to help out at a soup kitchen for homeless people on Thursday! And while she was there,the AP took a photo of this guy taking a cellphone photo of Michelle's very famous arms. So now America's conservative pundits are very upset that this supposedly homeless man has a telephone, so poverty isn't actually a problem, and we're even "blessed" to have such rich homeless people in the United States.


Voice-of-her-generation Kathryn Jean Lopez chimes in with unusual modesty at first, before reverting back to the standard "the Poors are actually rich and God hates them in his own passive-aggressive way" rigmarole:

I don't envy this man's situation, whatever it is, and don't mean to make light of it. But we are a blessed people when our poor have cell phones.

...Ronald Reagan. Reagan.

Here's Kathy Shaidle, whom we'd never heard of before reading this Salon post. Starting today, we are all Kathy Shaidle readers:

Today's "poor" are the rich Jesus warned you about: fat, slovenly, wasteful of their money and other people's...

He spends all his (our) money on cellphones and, most likely, tattoos and drugs and booze and other crap, and has no money left for a home and food. And why should he bother? We pay for his shelter and food anyhow...

What's really funny in that news story by the way is what they're serving at the soup kitchen: risotto with brocolli. Obviously some rich white liberal did the cooking that day, feeling all proud of herself, and what thanks did she get? Some lowclass loser going, "You expect me to eat this weird crap?!"

As Salon's Alex Koppelman notes, the "weird crap" is simply "rice cooked in chicken stock with some vegetables." Jesus, this Shaidle person is a night terror. WHO IS SHE?

A Children's Treasury requires at least three (3) examples, and Malkin wrote something, but we are still too scared of Kathy Shaidle and will have to end this post now, so we can go cry in dark corners of our basements.

Michelle Obama serves food to D.C. poor and homeless, but... [LAT/Top of the Ticket]

Conservatives angry over Michelle Obama's trip to homeless shelter [Salon/War Room]

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Screenshot, CNN

If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up.

Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation?

"I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'"

Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids!

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In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all.

Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!

First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay.

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