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A Children's Treasury Of Endlessly Quotable Quotes From Blagojevich's New Book

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Book publishing and sociopathy collide in a BIG WAY this morning, as America is treated to its first glimpses ofThe Governor, the upcoming kunstlerroman from foul-mouthed ex-Monkee Rod Blagojevich. There is so much to love about this book already, and it is barely even ghostwritten: "Blagojevich writes that his guiding thought in selecting a new senator was, 'How much do I love the people of Illinois?'" Ooh! Follow-up sub-question: Is it still accurate to call it a "tell-all" if it is all lies?


This book is going to blow the lid off the conspiracy against Blagojevich. Here is some of what we have to look forward to:

  • "[US Attorney Patrick J.] Fitzgerald didn't stop a crime spree. He stopped me from doing a lot of good for a lot of people."
  • "I never intended to sell the Senate seat"
  • "I was merely engaged in the ordinary and routine politicking that frequently accompanies a significant appointment by the governor."
  • "unethical"

Oh sorry. RETROACTIVE SPOILER ALERT: Yeah so what happens in the end—and the beginning and the middle—is that Blagojevich didn't do anything wrong and is, quite frankly, a little upset that anyone would even think he would have. Rod Blagojevich will wait, probably in prison, for his apology from America.

[LA Times]

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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