A Children's Treasury of Videos of Al & Tipper Gore Being Gross
How much will we miss "America's President," the sore-loserman Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore, who are becoming separated today due to the lack of love in their lives? Let's all gather around the laptop and remember the years of joy and kissing and complaining about Prince records and "lockbox" and whatever else they did as Al & Tipper, the First Family of Climate Change.
The important thing, we guess, is this: Now we know why Al Gore didn't run for president in 2008. There were "storm clouds" on the "horizon of their forty-year love affair," or something, we bet! Did you know they were the real-life characters from the shitty novel/movie Love Story (That's not actually true, but Al Gore used to say it all the time.)
At least Al Gore is smarter than North Carolina billionaire-dirtbag John Edwards, who attempted to become president on the "I'm the skinny Al Gore" platform, which nobody ever bought, because Al Gore may be many things but he's not an amoral teevee anchorman who videotaped himself fucking an actual hippie-witch lady.
And, maybe, Albert "Tipper" Gore Junior had the common sense not to run for president when he was, probably, banging some hot young environmentalist hippie gal on a Lear Jet. (We don't know this, just guessin' ... plain old Tennessee guessin'.)
Also, Tipper Gore is responsible for this:
And thanks, Dee Snider of Twisted Sister, for agreeing to testify before the Senate when we could've had PRINCE, his royal badness, marching solemnly up to the subcommittee table in his purple military space-commander disco suit. "Darling Nikki" was Evil Song #4 or something on Tipper's "oh Al & I masturbate to this frequently, but we're adults" list.
Which resulted in this, a very early YouTube performance by Christopher Hitchens, in 1988:
Ha ha, he hates her so much. And ha ha ha, The American Spectator has been providing mincing douchebags for the Washington political talk shows since 1812. (Also, go ahead and cry over the sad fact that Israel was doing what it does to the West Bank and Gaza in 1988, too, so the "Flotilla of Death" story is only new in the sense that it's just the current headline. Hitchens used to really care about stuff like this!)
And, finally, UGH:
Your editor was at this awful convention in Los Angeles, in the Year 2000, and it was much more disgusting actually sitting in the Staples Center with a thousand-foot-tall video screen over the entire sports arena, showing every excruciating, forced, ugly contortion of the infamous "Gore Kiss." And yeah, Sour Joe Lieberman was there too, just making everybody so angry.
Good-bye, Al & Tipper!