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A Few Vaguely Related Palin-Letterman Thoughts, And More!

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Christ, it's not like there's any election going on, when this public celebrity nonsense sometimes can matter, for a few hours, but here we are finally getting all intrigued-like over some snit on Todd & Sarah Palin's Facebook page about a baseball sex joke David Letterman made on television one night. What's going on now. Lettermanapologized again last night for making whatever joke, a monologue quickie, that Sarah Palin pretended to interpret as pervert code for "I'm gonna rape your 14-year-old Willow daughter." Now Palin has "accepted" Letterman's lengthy apology with one of the more obnoxious statements in her endless, vapid, snarling canon.


Read this a couple of times:

“Letterman certainly has the right to ‘joke’ about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction,” Palin said. “This is all thanks to our U.S. Military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America’s Right to Free Speech - in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect.”

Yeah that's right, the military. She weaves the military into her apology acceptance. Perhaps only once in a generation can a trashy politician stretch ambition and shamelessness into this large a surface, a playing field, on which to act like an idiot. Here she has thanked the United States Military, the fine folks fighting the Taliban and stuff in various Middle East wars, for achieving its "real" overseas goal, which was to "secure" part of the First Amendment from the terrorists -- one of them was keeping the little scrap of paper in his pocket -- so that David Letterman and Sarah Palin could legally bicker about baseball sex jokes on teevee and Facebook for a couple of weeks.

But here's a different question: Why does Sarah Palin treat her 14-year-old daughter, Willow, like a piece-of-shit Nerf shield? That's the real story. Willow's mother, Sarah Palin, thinks of her young, impressionable daughter as nothing more than a six-month-old McDonald's bag, reeking of moldy onions, found under the car's front seat when she's desperately searching for something to vomit in after downing 20 Crown Royal & gingers, and meth, at eight in the morning.

Because obviously Letterman was making a joke about Bristol Palin, the girl who famously got "knocked up" last year, and not about 14-year-old Willow, who did not. Sarah Palin understood this, guaranteed, and then chose to launch a desperate publicity stunt about how an OLD MAN wanted to RAPE the 14-YEAR-OLD daughter WILLOW. Surely Willow loved seeing her name plastered all over teevee and the Internet like this. Thanks Mom! Go Mom, 2012!

Another "funny" Willow story, from last October: Sarah Palin was invited to drop a ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers home opener. Philadelphia Flyers season-ticket holders, of course, are the most violent and confrontational humans since the ancient Spartans, and Sarah Palin knew she would get booed and potentially murdered. So what did she do? She dragged lil' Willow onto the ice with her! And 7-year-old Piper, too! Everyone booed, still, and she complained afterward about how disturbed those fans must be, to boo small children like that. Meanwhile, Willow was scarred permanently. All those toothless hockey fans, screaming, "BLEEHHHH." Vomiting.

(Also, as far as the other kids, there was that time when Sarah Palin argued that she was qualified to be President of the United States because she gave birth to a child a few months beforehand, a disabled child, whereas most liberals would've capped that shit.)

Sarah Palin: Booger-Eating Moron [Rumproast]

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Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.

[Sun-Times]

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That's right, Wonkers, while we're all up here in America dealing with the terribleness, your Editrix and her fambly are in MEXICO AT THE BEACH, where they will probably stay for a little while longer or maybe they're never coming back SHRUGGIE EMOTICON. But that's OK, they deserve some time to be AT THE BEACH in MEXICO, oh no, don't get NATIONAL EMERGY CARAVANNED!

Yeah, so it's time to count down your top ten stories of the week, like we do on Saturday mornings. Shall we? WE SHALL.

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