Donate

A Guided Tour Of Obama's Elitist New Designer Clothing Boutique

News

The right wing hasn't been able to fully brand Obama as a GAY yet, as they did to John Kerry (Gay Trademark: being French) and Al Gore (Gay Trademark: fucking dudes). But Obama's trying to help them out with his new online store section called "Runway to Change," which features fancy clothes from elitist fashion designers that you can buy for only... uh oh, they don't even list the prices on the front page! What is this, RUSSIA? Never a good sign, like when you want to order lobster at a rich person's restaurant and the menu says "Market Price," which is a plutocrat's term for "go away, rat hobo."


$60 for this uncreative turd, for ladies. The "Dude, where's ______?" structure should be taken out back and shot. It should be taken out back and shot a lot. Remember when Michael Moore used this as the title for one of his books, like eight years ago? Well, someone should've shot it then because wtf.

$45 for this tee shirt about nightmares. This is the exact shirt that the serial killer from Scream wore as his jammie top. He dares you to dream, because he haunts your dreams. Obama/Death 2008!

...And this $75 bag is not! Except for collecting your dog's poopies during walks. Then again, look at the secret code: "CIA." So, uh, that's why it costs $75 dollars?

So after checking this overpriced crap out, we've determined Barack Obama is still not a Gay, because Gays like fashion and this is not that.

Runway To Change [Obama Store]

$
Donate with CC

One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Sucks to be you, Pat Shanahan! The acting Defense secretary is currently under investigation for preferential treatment of his former bosses at Boeing, who just got busted letting planes fall out of the sky if buyers skimped on the upgrades. Shanahan was never a favorite of Trump's, and now his chances of getting made Big Boy For Real Sec Def are decreasing by the day. Which means that he's going through all this shit for nothing! Womp womp!

What shit, you ask? Well! Last night Shanahan announced the first tranche of the "found" money the DoD is shifting over to fund WALL in defiance of Congress's constitutional spending powers. The Defense Department will be transferring the cash from accounts meant to support military personnel into "anti-drug funding," which they've decided means they can use it to build "18-foot-high pedestrian fencing, constructing and improving roads, and installing lighting within the Yuma and El Paso Sectors of the border." Already pissed off about the fake EMERGY declaration, although not pissed enough to override a veto, congresspeople on both sides of the aisle are hopping mad that the Trump administration dicked them around for months, shut down the government, forced them to negotiate for wall funding in good faith, and then said HA HA SUCKERS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE RAINY DAY FUND ANYWAY!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc