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Morning Wonketariat! Don't forget that thanks to you, your editrix and fam are on their way to the DC March to Get Guns Off Of Our Lawns. Tuesday, come see them in Fargo! Then St. Paul, Madison, Chicago, and Pittsburgh! And that's just this week! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Robert Mueller is picking his indictments carefully over a fear that witnesses could clam up and Trump could shut down the investigation.

Back in 2013, Trump wrote Vladimir Putin a letter begging him to show up to the Miss Universe pageant. Putin ultimately blew Trump off, but representatives were dispatched to appease Trump's ego.

Yesterday, the Trump administration announced support for strengthening background checks, a program to arm teachers with "rigorous firearms training," transitioning military veterans and retired cops into classrooms, and "extreme risk protection orders" that would allow states to confiscate guns. It also announced that Betsy DeVos will head a government commission to prevent school violence. I feel safer already.

DeVos had a disastrous interview on 60 Minutes last night, absentmindedly admitting that she's a fucking idiot who doesn't know what she's talking about when she promotes taking money from schools to help students. Nothing but the best people, folks. [Video]

In a campaign appearance for the special election in Pennsylvania's 18th, Trump endorsed himself for the 2020 presidential election, endorsed the extrajudicial killing of suspected drug dealers, insulted reporters, insulted Democratic candidate Conor Lamb, bitched about Oprah, and boasted about his orange hue. He also let Republican candidate Rick Saccone speak for a few minutes.

On Sunday, Steve Mnuchin sat around grinning while Chuck Todd bitched him out. Maybe Chuck Todd isn't a "sleepy son of a bitch" after all? (Yes he is.)

Jeff Sessions is butthurt that "activist judges" are hiding all the Mexicans in sanctuary cities, and making it harder for ICE to whitewash America.

Princess Ivanka's continued ties to the Trump family business might be holding up her security clearance, and cause serious legal trouble as the company continues to to screw around in Not America.

Here's a profile on Matt and Mercedes Schlapp, the neoconservative power couple that have been festering in DC since Bush '43. They're proof positive that you don't need to be good at your job, you just have to hang around longer than everyone else.

Florida's disgraced former Rep. Corrine Brown, who was recently convicted for fraud and tax evasion, is raising holy hell about a juror who was dismissed after saying Jeebus tried to interfere in the deliberation processes.

South Side Chicago Rep. Dan Lipinski is rolling over and playing dead as primary challenger Marie Newman continues her run to the left, dumping massive amounts of cash into ad buys slamming Lipinski's record.

Republicans in Orange County are quietly freaking out about Democrats' chances, and even Paul Ryan's PAC has stepped in to help mitigate the bleeding.

Nobody in Orange County is facing more problems than Dana Rohrabacher, whose pro-Russian bullshit has him getting attacked from the left and the right.

As Pennsylvania's 18th gets ready to head to the polls, Republicans are trying to make Rick Saccone look like less of a poster child for perverted used car salesmen, including multi-million dollar ad buys and donations from the Koch network, but they're still talking shit behind his back.

The Marine Corps is investigating a new cache of nude photos showing service members in compromising positions that was found in a Dropbox account posted to a on a no-girls-allowed Facebook group.

Not America is not happy about Trump's trade war as many nations wonder what the hell they're supposed to do to get off Trump's naughty list.

South Korean media outlets are reporting that the North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un wants a peace treaty with South Korea, but foreign policy experts are warning it's a trap.

The Chinese government removed presidential term limits, allowing Chinese President Xi Jinping to rule with a wrought iron fist for life.

Vladimir Putin is likely to be secure in his reign as Russia's latest autocrat, but hard data shows the continued failure of the Russian economy. Maybe that's why Putin is blaming Jews for election fuckery?

Here is some sad time about 54-year-old Rosemarie Melanson, a victim of the Las Vegas massacre, and her family. Their struggle to survive, and get to a point of recovery, is a powerful and sobering example of what happens to the human body after being penetrated by a bullet.

And here's your morning Nice Time!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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