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Grab your barf bag, Lady Liberty, there's Lindsey Graham news.

As this week of impeachment hearings ends, Graham, the very serious and not at all clownish chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee, has sent a letter to Trump Ukraine scandal co-conspirator Secretary of State Mike Pompeo demanding DOCUMENTS. "Oh, you mean the documents the House has been demanding in its impeachment investigation that State refuses to hand over?" you are asking like a person who was born this morning? LOL, no silly! Graham wants some very important (imaginary) documents on Joe Biden's allegedly corrupt involvement in the firing of the corrupt Ukrainian prosecutor general Viktor Shokin. He wants these documents even though he knows damn well that Joe Biden's involvement in getting that prosecutor fired had zero to do with Hunter Biden's involvement with the Ukrainian company Burisma and everything to do with the fact that Biden was carrying out foreign policy supported by the Obama administration, lots of Republican senators, AND EVERY ONE OF OUR FUCKING WESTERN ALLIES.

You know, because dude was corrupt. In the real way, not the fake Upside Down version of "corruption" Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani talk about.

Jesus Christ, Lindsey.

Now, he might be doing this for show, in order to flick President Crime Boss's lipstick with his tongue in a gross display of subservience, because as the Washington Post notes, there is no actual deadline for the documents this letter demands. But still, he sent the letter, and he sent it despite the fact that almost every impeachment witness -- many of them Trump appointees! -- has testified that there is zero, nada, jackshit to any trumped up allegations against the Bidens. He sent it despite the fact that he didn't care to investigate this back when Biden was vice president or in the first phase of Trump's garbage presidency, because of how it's make-believe.

We could scream at Lindsey Graham all day for being such a craven chickenshit, and we could wonder, as we often have, what Trump has on him.

But this has us thinking about something different.

We feel a little bit sick to our stomach saying this, but we are curious what Meghan McCain is really thinking right now. No, not whatever she said today on "The View," who cares, gross.


Here's the thing. Lindsey Graham and Joe Biden used to be close. They were both obviously extremely close to John McCain, and it's clear that when Joe Biden prematurely epiphanies all over the campaign stage, talking about how he's the guy to bring back the Olden Days, when he was so great at getting Republicans and Democrats to reach around the aisle for collegial bipartisan rub 'n' tugs, he's thinking of these specific relationships.

Hell, Lindsey Graham probably attended at least one of the Biden children's baptisms or weddings. He probably made a heartfelt call to Joe Biden when Beau Biden died. Joe Biden has probably given Lindsey Graham at least one of those Gone With The Wind commemorative dinner plates Lindsey Graham likes, assuming those are the plates he likes, not that we have any verification of that but come on, tell us with a straight face Lindsey Graham does not love Vivien Leigh in the most heterosexual way possible. (You know how straight guys in 2019 are about Vivien Leigh!)

Oh wait, did we say he PROBABLY called Joe Biden when Beau died? Just kidding, here's Yucky McBadFriend CRYING ON CAMERA TALKING ABOUT CALLING JOE BIDEN WHEN BEAU DIED. They talked "for a long time." Biden is "the nicest person" Lindsey Graham ever met in politics. "He is as good a man as God ever created," says Lindsey Graham.

He doesn't confirm or deny the existence of the Gone With The Wind plates, unfortunately.

Now look at Lindsey Graham, running away from a Marine who says sir, I believe you believe in our democracy, and that you believe in the oath we both took, and that you know like I know that Donald Trump has betrayed his oath.

Look at him.

Look at Lindsey Graham scamper away so he can go investigate Joe Biden bullshit that's been debunked time and time again, in servile devotion to a shithole president who WE KNOW WITH 100 PERCENT ACCURACY will turn on him the second the wind blows in from Moscow and tells him Lindsey Graham is no longer useful.

Disgusting.

Again, we hate to even suggest this, but could Meghan McCain please call her Uncle Lindsey and tell him that HER FATHER WHO WAS JOHN MCCAIN HAVE YOU MET HER FATHER JOHN MCCAIN is literally rolling around in his grave right now watching Uncle Lindsey investigate Uncle Joe in service of the stupidest and most dangerous criminal president in American history, because Rudy Giuliani birthed a conspiracy theory out of his asshole about Uncle Joe doing bad things in Ukraine? (They still talk, even though she's had some mild criticisms for Graham's behavior of late.)

Barring that, would one of the good McCain children be willing to do that?

Bridget? You busy?

We are just asking.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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