A Nation Rejoices: Larry's Gonna Stay
Larry Craig's devotion to public service is matched only by his urgent need to get anonymous dudes off in public. Which is to say that he's not retiring after all! Even though he's still guilty! Larry's gonna stay on until the bitter end -- a.k.a. "January of 2009" -- and he's going to "explore... additional legal options."
From his statement:
"Over the course of my three terms in the Senate and five terms in the House, I have accumulated seniority and important committee assignments that are valuable to Idaho, not the least of which are my seats on the Appropriations Committee, the Energy and Natural Resources Committee and the Veterans' Affairs Committee. A replacement would be highly unlikely to obtain these posts.
Good point, Larry! Of course, a replacement would also be highly unlikely to get stripped of his leadership roles in each one of those committees after soliciting an uncover cop for sex in an airport bathroom. But hey, Idaho needs a man like Larry Craig in the Senate, because otherwise everyone would've forgotten Idaho existed, like they had until Larry's wacky bathroom antics made them the laughingstock of the nation, desperate for some Congressman from Wyoming to get arrested for fucking an underage horse, or something along those lines.