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Many have asked Wonkette to chime in on the insane constitutional crisis embroiling Canada's idiot government these days, which is shocking, because well-to-do white nerd countries had supposedly given up on such uncouth measures as overthrowing the state. Slate's posted athorough summary of the whole thing; and if you'd like an "authentic" Canadian newspaper article about it... well crap, what's the name of any Canadian newspaper... Toronto must have one... ah, here. Our briefest of recaps is below.


This is more or less the deal: PM Stephen Harper's Conservatives won October's elections with a 46% plurality of seats, so he needed to ally with one of four insanely liberal/separatist minority parties to build a majority coalition and "formal legitimacy," the liberal parties asked for various hippie progressive reforms in return for their allegiance, the Conservatives responded by offering more newer wingnut ideas instead, the liberal parties decided they did not want to eat this particular bag of dicks and banded together to churn out a proposal whereby they would seize the government as a majority coalition, albeit unelected. A Parliamentary vote -- which is somehow allowed to decide this -- was expected to decide in their favor on Dec. 8.

But then the figurehead colonial governor of Canada, who was appointed by the QUEEN OF ENGLAND, decided yesterday morning to suspend the government until January 26.

Canada is famous for such things as Eskimos and maple trees.

Chaos in Canada [Slate]

Sources predict early Dion departure [Toronto Star]

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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